Justifying long term SAHM to DDs?

There's lots of ways to work from home, flexibly, be involved in work and get paid it's not actually that hard once you get started and the ball is rolling. But it's still mainly women doing that rather than doing the long hours.

Word, that is the kind of example that we need! I know exactly what you mean; when I was single and working in the City, I was competing against guys who knew they'd get home to a cooked dinner, and didn't need to run around doing errands in their spare time (buying my flat was a freaking nightmare). If the senior people, male or female, set an example of flexibility it is very likely to trickle down.

Personally, I fervently hope never to have managerial responsibilities again doing the actual skilled work is much more satisying (and I can stay in my yoga clothes and ponytail surrounded by my eccentric doo-dahs all day)

I deliberately seek to minimise meetings but some jobs have to be face top face. Female surgeons have to be there for however long the operation takes. Some court cases are 40 day trials and the barristers, male and female, have to be there in court. Anyway for many many women being home and doing what you do there is not a balanced life. It is boring as it just is one aspect of life - missing out the work area, professional success which for many is part of that holistic thing which is a good balanced life.

It completely depends on the job. A surgeon will kinda need to be in the operating theatre and when I was a lawyer, I needed to be in the court room.

But so many jobs could be more flexible. One of the main reasons they're not is that the fifteen people in the meeting room are men with wives doing all the domestic duties (and posting proudly on MN that they do everything precisely so their DH can live in work).

My DH could very well have been one of those men. He's a managing partner in one of the world's largest law firms.

But I utterly refuse to let him dip out of all domestic responsibility. That's not good for anyone! Least of all him. Of course there are times when he has to travel or go to meetings, but there are more times when he sets up his own timetable which includes working from home, doing the school run, attending parents evening, empying the dishwasher...

Sometimes you have to be in that room thrashing out whatever it is with everyone else. The people I know that do the crazy hours are doing that, mostly.

Yes dp is managerial now.Said inlaws aren't.

Yes, of course it depends on the job. When I was what they call "an individual contributor" (a programmer that executes a specific task to requirement) I could have easily worked from home all day long; some of my very senior sysadmin friends still do. But I went the architectural/management way and for that, I just needed to be there most of the time, more as I became more senior.

Get.

To be fair they were in the right place at the right time and have got extremely sort after skills.

Kind of galling for dp as he's way more qualified and has got degrees and IT qualifications coming out of his ears.

It is interesting though that companies can come up with the goods- when they have to.

I think many would contribute towards equipment if they could do more work from home as they'd save £££££ on commuting,childcare and egg more time with their dc.

But Becauseisaidso that depends on the job though, DH works from home a lot because it's solitary wherever he is so why not? It would be different and impossible if I were not on childcare duty of course. the other aspects of his job cannot be done from home and usually involve long, unsociable hours - he's a lighting designer who does stage events and hire, 4/5 of his time is prep, electronics and such like, the rest is on call or on site work. Should it all work out it's quite likely I will take some aspects over from him, as the boys grow, but some care input will always be needed.

I on the other hand cannot work at home; ev en study is impossible, personally (I am too easily distracted by anything and everything), and practically because writing a research paper with 2 autistic kids climbing over you is frankly complex. Unlike DH I need people around me to thrive, but I hugely admire the drive and discipline that he needs to work from home and for himself. Yes it's easier in some ways (not cheaper as we still rent premises for all the stock), but living on the job throws up different issues with customers calling home at 4am ('oops sorry I forgot you were in a different time zone'), and the rest of it.

I'm sure there are many that could be rearranged.

an^ MN...

Retro can we get your ILs to do a MN guest blog? They sound like they've cracked it

It's probably easier with some things. Others you have to be in that meeting room with everyone else.

Of course, but i'm convinced the commuter trains could easily be half emptied.

My post not yours Retro.

But yep, I don't think the people that do it haven't tried to think if there is a better way. It's just 15 people in a room, you need to be vocal and present (apparently) to get your point across.

They've never had to pay for childcare either.

Dream jobs!

It's probably easier with some things. Others you have to be in that meeting room with everyone else.

There's a funny scene in the Good Wife where there's a meeting person on a screen on a stick and they put paper over it.

Dp

Do would be good at ignoring e-mails.

Sil and bil's jobs are in IT too( for a huge US IT company) and they set them up with top notch equipment at home x2!Dp was uber

They've done it for years since they returned from the US,had 2 babies,pre-schoolers etc.They do everything together. Never been summoned back into working from the office or US.

It seems to work.The rest of their team are in the US.

I am a long term SAHM.

Also in that time I have acquired a degree, almost finished a part time MA (in a subject directly used by my family so useful), become a Carer, taken on all childcare so husband can build a family business, done voluntary work.... I am also hoping to return to work one day but that depends on my caring responsibilities.

The one thing I have never been though is unoccupied and I do believe employment is far from the only route to living a useful, valid life. now many of my decisions weren't made by me as much as for me (the caring thing), and Dh is no longer high income, but validity comes in many forms and we have to make our lives the best we can. At times DH has been a SAHD, whilst I did two jobs to gain career advancement, things changed and now this is our life but we are a team and work together. My sons don't think all women are SAHM- their friend's parents are not, my sisters are career women- and they know the life events that lay behind the decisions we have made and the solutions to bumps in the road we encountered.

Agree Because.

Messenger is fabulous when you are working on a team project from home. Mine is constantly open when I work mostly for virtual office banter

Retro I don't have it. I am at home. But yep a few of my friends' dhs do. And yes they get paid enough to compensate, them.