Stranger "hits" DD - am I over-reacting?

I think your dd was wrong not to move as if an elderly person falls over on the bus they are at far more risk than a 17 year old. On the other hand there was no excuse for the person hitting her. That was very wrong.

The man's age is immaterial.

The problem is *"a man thinks he had the right to hit/slap her" He didn't.

Nevertheless, he is being excused on grounds of age, both his age and the OP's daughter's age. That has nothing to do with his attitude that he has the right to hit someone.

Op, I would be furious if I were you.
But as time passed, I would begin to see that my dd was tired, emotional and stressed, could it be that she is exaggerating? Not intentionally, but because she was in a state, she was very sensitive and a tap on the shoulder became a proper 'hit'.
As you say, she should have given up her seat. Tired and poor exam result is no excuse. For her own mother to say she should have given up her seat despite complaining of a bad back, you must know that the bad back is a bit of a red herring.

Two separate issues here.

If she was sat in the priority seating, she should have moved, even if there were free seats in the back.

He shouldn't have hit her. Although he may have been tapping her on the shoulder to get her attention, I'm sure he could have done it more lightly.

"Old people think they can get away with anything but they risk picking on the wrong person one day."

I rest my case.

I am happy to focus on his behaviour. I have. I think the OP should ask to see the CCTV footage. To see whether the is enough evidence to take it further.

I am not happy to focus on his age. Which is irrelevant.

I'd be inclined to get on the same bus at the same time and date to ask this idiot if he was ok with hitting females?

I reiterate my point that many of the young people I work with would probably of hit him back!

Old people think they can get away with anything but they risk picking on the wrong person one day.

If they can walk to the bus stop they can walk to the back of the bus for a seat. He was in the wrong, plain and simple.

He's lucky he didn't do it to me, MummytoMog, I might have fucking slapped him one back.

And can we just get one thing straight here;

OLD DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY MEAN FRAIL OR LAME OR IN PAIN OR INCAPABLE OR IN GREATER NEED.

My 85 year old grandmother would be mortally offended that anyone assumed she was any of those things due to her age and she would be just as happy standing on the bus talking to the 17 year old who was sitting and would probably even notice the girl wasnt ok.

And

BEING YOUNG DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY MEAN FIT AND HEALTHY AND IN NO NEED OF A SEAT!

You cannot always tell by looking so if you feel able to offer a seat then offer it, if you feel you need a seat then ask for it. Hitting and tutting shouldnt even come in to it.

Old people are lame? Snort.

No excuse for slapping her, and actually I think if they had asked her to move to the back, she probably would have done. I'm afraid I ignore passive agressive bullshit like tutting and rubbing of pregnant bellies. If I'm not in a priority seat, I don't fricking move unless someone asks me to or if I'm concerned someone is in actual discomfort standing up. And if some miserable old fucker hit me on a bus, I would have his picture on my phone and be asking him for his name so I could report him to the police.

"why didn't she speak out against being hit? Why just continue sitting there snivelling crying"

She did. Just a pity he didnt think to engage his mouth instead of his hands in his non existent attempt to find out why she didnt stand, despite never being asked.

As for this "she cried for ages and nobody helped so she must be in the wrong". A man had just hit her and then sat down right behind her, i dont know about anyone else but i'd suspect a temper and be wary of inflaming the situation. No-one knew whether he'd turn on them if they intervened. Also, has nobody ever heard of the bystander effect? People have died in very public streets due to this- but they must have been in the wrong too

I don't think we should be even talking about the so called "reason" as to why this bloke hit someone else. To do so implies that there could be a situation in which the victim deserves to be hit and that will never be the case unless they lashed out first.

I haven't read the whole thread, so I do hope this rather obvious point has been made much much sooner on here.

And yet again the first thing that's focused on is the teenage dd's behaviour rather than the violent behaviour of the man who hit her.

Talk about "ageism", you are infantilising that man by not focussing on his shocking and disgusting behaviour first. Is he a child that excuses that must be made excuses for?

I think she was very rude to sit in front of a bus and expect a old person yo go to the back of the bus, she may have had a bad back but imagine how a old person feels. They are often too lame to go to the back and would be afraid of falling. You need to teach her manners, but that man was in the wrong and had no right to hit her.

On MN all old people are presumed to be in the wrong.

martorana I have found exactly the reverse on this thread, with the teenager dd immediately piled in on for not moving rather than the focus being on her being assaulted.

So of all the people sitting on the bus, this 17 year old girl, who was tired, upset and in pain, was supposedly the selfish one for not giving up her seat. When there were empty seats anyway. When no one else stood up.

But yeah, she must have been rude and obviously deserved to be hit. It doesn't matter how many times some posters say they aren't excusing this, they really, really are defending the assault.

Her behaviour (and there was nothing wrong with it anyway) is irrelevant. The man's behaviour is the problem.

This is beyond mad...

Anyone in a seat who sees anyone in greater need should give it up out of manners and kindness.

No one should hit anyone.

Some people, white/black/ginger/old/young/mutton are horrid. Most aren't.

Really, what are people arguing about?

Morgause, my disabled sister has been on a packed bus with a group of teenagers calling her a "freak" until she cried, and nobody did anything. People can be pretty spineless, and/or not want to get involved.

And the man in question hit DD without asking for an explanation and refused to listen to her explanation when she tried to give it.

We will all come out differently on the side of whether "teenager with bad back not in priority seat" vs "elderly man" should move to the back of the bus. I don't think it's obvious, it's on a scale. Obvious is keeping your bag or your feet on a priority seat and swearing at someone who politely asks you to move them. What were your obvious ones?

Of course some old people act badly. The man in the OP acted badly. And should be called on it. The OP should ask to see the CCTV.

But on Mumsnet all old people are bags, twats, witches............The assumption is that an old person is automatically in the wrong. Nobody appear to be questioning the "all the old people on the bus were tutting at her" story, which is a little bit hard to believe, because it is old people we are talking about.

I'm utterly bewildered by this. What a horrible thing to happen. No excuses for the old man but I wonder if she had been asked to stand and didn't hear and the others thought she was ignoring the request.

It's the response from the other passengers I find hard to understand, continued disapproval even though a young woman was crying.

The old man could have dementia, or just be horrible but surely someone else felt some sympathy.

Out of interest those of you focussing on the teenage dd's bad behaviour would you have done so if a none elderly adult male had hit her for not moving when someone elderly got on?

"a totally obvious and shocking situation "

But in the case of dragongirlx, the obvious interpretation would have been wrong.

Nicki - i don't think MNers have any problems talking about old people behaving badly. In fact I see the exact opposite here.