Stranger "hits" DD - am I over-reacting?

Depends ledker I think generally speaking more teenagers than older people are better able to stand. SO I do expect those who are able to do so to give up their seat and to do so without asking. Because inevitably there will be some nice older person who feels uncomfortable asking and will just stand their and risk falling a breaking a hip.

I feel the same about pregnant women, if I see someone obviously pregnant it is entirely possible she doesn't need my seat but as there is a possibility that not having my seat means she will feel faint and injure herself and her baby... I just give up my seat. Yes, she could ask for it but many people don't because they get rude replys.

Anyway all that is kind of irrelevant to the OP because even if the Op's daughter had told the old man to fuck off he would have had no right to touch her. So the posters above being shitty about her not giving up her seat have spectacularly missed the point

his was habitual behaviour in hospitals by men wasn't it, and in the media it was portrayed as a bit of fun. Carry on Doctor.

we talk about the new effects porn has had on teenagers, but we can see that sort of thing started way before. "sexy nurse" has been around for ages and yes, it meant actual real female nurses were ripe for the harassment

I think the many posters saying she should give up her seat is indicative of how we treat our young people as if they are somehow second class citizens.
I work with young people and possess a few of my own and I see this a lot.
The chances are if they had asked her nicely she might have moved but the minute the tutting and nonsense started she would have just felt defensive.
At the swimming pool yesterday there were a few young lads swearing a lot. I had my 3 yr old with me so I just said "boys. Can you tone the bad language down a but and pinged at my toddler" they were really sweet and apologised and then did stop. If I'd have shouted "shut up you horrible kids" I may have received a mouthful.
Teenagers are citizens of this world and not necessarily inferior to the rest of the human race, why should they automatically give up their seat on a bus just because someone is older than them?

Actually vintage if you could get in touch with other women who worked with you, you may well be able to take a case against the hospital trust who didn't protect you from this.

When I hear stories like this, I am reminded once again of how important it is, that people understand why feminism is needed. This was habitual behaviour in hospitals by men wasn't it, and in the media it was portrayed as a bit of fun. Carry on Doctor.

That's shocking vintage I also think you should consider reporting it now... With historic cases in the news at the moment I think it would be taken seriously and woudl be good for other who still may being dealing with shit like that. So So So on your behalf.

Oh vintage

That is shocking and horrific.

I think that you should seriously consider reporting that hospital trust now, for failing to protect its employees.

Oh and before anyone asks when we did try to report, it was blamed on us, I was given a verbal warning for having torn tights.

Sexual assault was ignored.

Again, please please please report it.

Just to go back to two comments made above, I can't scroll so I apologise in advance if I'm not exact.

The first was '17 year old exaggerate' the second was ' 70 year old men don't usually actively hit unknown 17 year olds in public'

When I was 17 I was working as an auxiliary nurse on a general medical ward. Being physically and sexually assaulted was a weekly if not daily event.

'Funny' things like
'Ooh is that my hand on your boob?'
'Is that my hand up your skirt?'
My personal favourite ' nursing has gone downhill since you stop wearing stockings'. . .

The one that still make me feel physically ill, my tights had torn, he managed to get his fingers inside me, and complained I was 'dry'.

That's with the random slaps on the ass, face, arms, legs. Random bites, being punched in the face several times. Had vases, plates, urine bottles, full urine bottles, thrown at me.

Once had a chipped ulna where I stopped a 'gentleman' hitting a 7 month pregnant colleague over the head with his walking stick.

Had 3months off work because I had a small TV thrown at my back, the reason for this was I was late with the morning tea round. . .

ALL OF THESE patients were mentally competent.

And all these attacks were by older men, men with wives and daughters and granddaughters, who saw all of us female staff as lower, as nothing, actually as less than that, as empty vessels.

One of them who punched me in the face for saying that I wasn't going to wash his genitals because he was capable of doing so himself, introduced me to his granddaughter as his favourite nurse. . . I still had the bruise on my face.

(None of us minded so much the attacks by the confused patients, be it a passing/illness related confusion or Dementia. You knew that they weren't responsible for their actions, even if their actions were a reflection of who they had been.
Though before I upset anyone, most dementias of any type do make the most gentle caring people aggressive which is why, they, the disease is such a bastard.)

I'm telling you this as a 40 year old, at 17 I underplayed it all, we all did. We laughed it off while feeling sick inside, knowing that it would never be taken seriously.

Me at 17 I thought I was a grown up, I though I should instinctively know how to deal with this, I didn't tell anyone, much less my parents.
No offence to my parents, they were in a different country and would have raised hell, and supported me to the ends, but I was so very sure I knew better. I had been brought up in a household with respect to everyone, this treatment was alien to me. It's hard to explain.

70 year olds who are aggressive, are those who were aggressive at 20,30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80…

Your personality doesn't change the day you pick up your pension.

I hope your Daughter is OK and that the rest of her exam period is calmer for her.
Of course the man shouldn't have hit her, and to echo what many others have said, he probably wouldn't have done if she was male.

Basil as usual you have really got to the crux of it!! He set himself up as more vulnerable, yet still saw fit to assault her because she was female, and no matter what, he as a man still felt he was BETTER than DD! Revolting...just like the apologists for violent males on this thread!

Why should she give up her seat if there were other seats available?

No wonder violence is so rife when so many people who are bringing up children FFS, rush to defend it.

Rosabud, I'm sorry htat happened to your DD and hope she's OK now. Also, I would consider seriously reporting. It will remind your DD she has the right to have her bodily integrity respected, even by people who have set themselves up as more vulnerable than her while physically assaulting her.

Okay, neither of us is there but has DD said she doesn't wish to report it?

I can't imagine a daughter being assaulted on a bus, working up the courage to tell her mother, and the mother saying, "That's not right! But it will probably be too stressful to call 101 and anyway the police won't believe you so let's not report it."

Rosabud your post was so interesting to me - almost exactly the same thing happened to me when I was 18 yrs old twenty odd years ago on a National Express bus. I didn't tell my family, I felt horrified at the time, like I had been assaulted really, I couldn't believe anyone would behave that way, especially an old man.

My tale is that my friend and I were travelling by National Express (so all allocated seating, this isn't a case of not giving up my seat) the people in front of us had reclined their seats, leaving us very squashed, and when they got up I quickly tried to put them back into the upright position in the hope the next occupiers of the seats would keep them upright. An older couple arrived (I guess about 70) I smiled and explained what I was trying to do, they sat down and left the seats reclined. We were squashed for a further 100 miles or so. When we got off the old couple remained on the coach and as I walked past their seat the old man reached out and hit me hard on the arm with a very angry expression on his face. I exclaimed "He hit me!" to which there was no response from anyone. I don't know what provoked him, thinking afterwards (which I have done for years) I think that he was irritated by my moving about in my seat during the journey - his seat was so close to mine whenever I crossed or uncrossed my legs he probably felt it.

So OP I'm glad to hear you have taken it seriously and are supporting your daughter, whether or not she should have given up her seat is irrelevant. I wish that I had had the maturity at the time to have made more of a fuss and told the driver of the coach or my parents. As you can see I have not forgotten the incident and it's not a nice memory (don't get me wrong much worse has happened to me since!).

I agree with you OP that the man who assaulted your daughter would not have done it to a more mature adult and absolutely not to a male teenager either (he would be too scared of the repercussions). You are right to take it further. Nasty people should not be allowed to get away with bad behaviour no matter how old they are.

Matilda, Rosabud I think explained she did not want her DD to go through any more stress as she wanted to move on. DD HAS to be listened to and respected.

The police are briefed in the actual law, which is that it's illegal to assault people.

I am a little weirded out that you would even hesitate to report this. What kind of message do you want to give your daughter?

I must say, if people on Mumsnet are inclined to judge the situation and disblieve her or imply it was justified then I don't think the police will take it very seriously.

I am very sorry for what you and your daughter have been through. This is absolutely not true.

Staggered by the amount of victim blaming going on.

OP's dd was assaulted.

More girls need to grow up feeling their judgements and autonomy are sacrosanct particularly when others disagree.

Brilliant Dervel. Thank you!!

Rosabud, I hope you and DD DO decide to report it. That disgusting man had NO right to lay even a fingernail on her, and I am absolutely disgusted that people on here would try to justify that in any way. SHAME on them!

My parents are 76 years old...just recently they ran the Belfast half marathon. They would NEVER want a young person to give up her seat on the bus, because they are intelligent enough to realise she might have a hidden condition and would bear that in mind. And even if they were infirm, they would NEVER expect or feel entitled to it.

You simply CANNOT hit people even if they have poor manners. Your DD had the misfortune (as too many women have) to meet a horrible, abusive man.

Dervel
Great post!

I'd call 101, buses have CCTV.

Sorry but your dd had a back back. Sometimes I get them and they are crippling. No way would I give my seat up if my back was playing up.

OP you have exactly the right attitude. It is frightening how many people would read the title of your OP and immediately think their most pressing point to make should be about bus seats.

Frankly it doesn't matter of your DD told a pensioner to piss off it STILL would have been illegal, and morally wrong for him to hit her.

I would suggest your fears about it being an issue of male entitlement are also well founded.

Please don't fall into the trap of thinking 'mumsnet thinks victim blaming is ok, or my daughter was in the wrong'. Disappointingly some posters seem to have take that stance but not by any means all of us!

Also I'd hope the police are better trained In what constitutes an assault than the average MNetter.