Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Porn in PIL's loo

59 replies

LittleRedDinosaur · 13/05/2014 00:31

A bit of advice from the clever people here would be appreciated:
FIL is a kind and lovely man and I'm very fond of him but he's the kind of person who says "political correctness gone mad" etc and his attitudes are quite old fashioned at times.
MIL bought him a large picture of a woman wearing nothing but knickers and boots at some point in the 1970s/80s as a 'joke'. It is not arty, just porny. It hangs proudly in the loo. DH is embarrassed by this but grew up with it. I've always thought it was odd but not thought to challenge it.
Now we've got children I feel differently about it. I feel like having it there is sending a message about women that I don't want my children to accept.
Do I ask them to take it down? (Been there so long I think it could cause family tension) do I just bring it up and discuss with DC when they are bigger that this isn't a nice way to treat women and grandad was brought up in a time when this was ok even though we all know it isn't now (much in the way that racist old people were sort of tolerated when I was little)
I just feel that having this in their home normalises objectification of women more than coming across the image in a magazine etc would.
Any thoughts would be appreciated, thanks

OP posts:
zippey · 13/05/2014 01:15

Id be wary about going in and demanding the picture be taken down. You can try a nice way eg say you don't think its appropriate for your children to see and accept that its ok.

Or you could buy them a tasteful picture (maybe a portrait of the children, or family) as a gift in exchange for them binning the old picture.

Your PIL's will probably be elderly and stuck in their ways of thinking. That's not to say that their behaviour is ok and I understand that you don't want things to escalate!

LadyCybilCrawley · 13/05/2014 01:15

yes it's their home

However you have a responsibility to protect your children from inappropriate images and messages until they are old enough to be able to process them maturely and discuss as needed

If this was drugs or guns it would be cut and dry - you'd say you were not visiting unless those inappropriate things were not present

So if you are worried about the image then they can take it down, cover it up, or come to your house

I think time for DH to chat and let them know he doesn't want his young children seeing that image and discuss how they could help him solve that problem

randomAXEofkindness · 13/05/2014 01:08

"Are you going to take the soft porn out of the toilet before the kids notice it?"

If they say yes: good. If they say no: "Okay then, you're fine to visit them at our house aren't you?"

They can decorate their house with whatever they like - gimp suits, pictures of monkeys smoking pot, nazi memorabilia. You can take your kids wherever you like.

I'd be interested to hear how you intend to successfully deliver the message that
a) Objectifying women is bad
b) Grandad objectifies women
c) Grandad is 'lovely'
to your dc.

Original poster
LittleRedDinosaur · 13/05/2014 01:02

Thanks for your thoughts, think DH might have a chat with them at some point

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleRedDinosaur · 13/05/2014 01:01

I've spoken to DH and he agrees. He's happy to tell them to take it down. But it is their house and I think there could be a falling out or at least some hurt feelings.
I'm basically a wimp who strives to avoid confrontation!

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 13/05/2014 00:57

Agree with Zippey especially as you say DH was embarrassed by it. He may be very likely to not want his DCs exposed the same awkwardness.

zippey · 13/05/2014 00:49

It is their home and up to them what they do.

But its your children and up to you if you want to appear accepting of those images. Im not exactly sure what I would do to be honest, I certainly would not like it.

Its your DH's family so why not have a discussion with him about how you feel about the picture, and if you both feel the same, your DH could lead the way and have a word with his parents about its suitability.

Original poster
LittleRedDinosaur · 13/05/2014 00:40

Tiny! Toddler and baby- more concern for the future really! I think you're right, it is their home. Will just have to explain when they are older.
I guess it's that I don't want them accepting images like that as normal because they've grown up with it. It's a full length page 3 style picture. Bleurgh.

OP posts:
TequilaMockingbirdy · 13/05/2014 00:33

I'm a bit stuck on this one.

It's his home, not yours for one. It was a present from MIL.

Your children are going to see things like this, but I appreciate you don't want them seeing it in their grandparent's house. How old are the DC?