Porn in PIL's loo

There is something wrong with thinking you can lay down the law to other people about what pictures they have on their walls in their own homes, and stamp your feet and threaten not to let them see their grandchildren if they don't obey you.

SGB - it doesn't sound like it will trigger a full-scale row if she says "This makes me uncomfortable, would you be prepared to change it?" Most of us say things like that to our friends and relatives now and then, and it doesn't turn into WW3.

I agree nobody should "whine" about other people's choices. But there's nothing wrong in politely challenging something which has probably become so 'ordinary' to them that they don't even think about it.

It's their house, this was a gift bought for him in an age when such things were more acceptable socially. View this poster in the same way as outdated racist views- as a time warp. Unless you also think they should remove their portuguese painted hens and cork floor tiles. Bottom line (pun intended) is it's not your house.

self-righteous whining is more important than other people's feelings and that being offended justifies anything and everything

Why is it always about the feelings of the person in the wrong?
What about the op's feelings of objectification? Of her worries about her children seeing these sort of things and feeling bad about themselves?

Why is obnoxious "pc gone mad" whining acceptable? Why are we so concerned about their feelings?

I thought you were going to say your Fil had a stash of porno mags next to the loo

It wouldn't really bother me, I have a fair bit of naked (but not pornographic!) art around the house, kids don't bat an eye.

Buffy said this: 'It's not about nakedness at all. It's about how women are perceived and the OP's desire not to reinforce this to her dc in the home of close family members, people to whom the OP would expect her dc to show respect.'

I agree completely. I wouldn't be saying 'ooh, I'm a bit PCGM', I wouldn't be saying I had a 'problem' or a 'difficulty.' You aren't precious or whiny. If someone had a racist poster up, and had done for years, you wouldn't be giving them the benefit of the doubt, you would know that you wouldn't want your kids to find racism normalised. No difference here.

I think this way.
The grandad might not have given it any thought in years and doesn't realise he could be causing offence or distress.
If his son asks (nicely) for him to take it down because of all the reasons given... he may be happy to do so.
It might never become a big issue (hopefully).

Lets face it - if has been on the wall that long it really is time to go. And perhaps you could offer to find a nice replacement?

So people genuinely think the OP should be prepared to trigger a full-scale family row over a cheesy picture on the toilet wall? Way to go - teach your DC that self-righteous whining is more important than other people's feelings and that being offended justifies anything and everything.

Yeah, because a Modigliani nude, and a Page 3 stunna are the same thing...

No, I think the message she wants to give them is that women are not their for other people's amusement.

The op isn't complaining about a reproduction of Greek art in her PIL's family room. It's a naked woman in wellies on someone's wall in a toilet.

Nothing wrong with the naked female form. Something wrong with using it for titillating people in a toilet. And nothing wrong with the OP deciding she doesn't want her children to see objectification by her PIL, her other option is simply not go around there. Would you rather not see your grandchildren or get rid of a tacky poster on your wall? Parents DO have the right to say no to sexism/or any other "ism" in front of their children.

I think you should really, really, get the fuck over yourself. Your PIL are entitled to decorate their own home however they see fit without reference to your sensibilities. You are sounding like the sort of person who would be whining and shitting your pants if your relatives had a reproduction of naked ancient Greek sculptures in the front room.

And all these other suggestions of 'covering u' the picture with Post-It notes is simply going to suggest to your DC that naked or partially clothed human bodies are ridiculous or disgusting. Is that the message you want to give them?

I'd go to their house with a pack of post-it notes and everytime visited, stick them over the model's body.

Even better you could make a paper dress and stick it on.

Seriously, I would.

They sound like nice people, which actually makes it more awkward. Imagine if we were in a 70s timewarp and they had a cat called N**r - what would you do then?

I suspect you'd say, "FiL, I know you love your pussy (yes, yes, fnar) but I'm not totally comfortable with my children hearing that word. Is it possible to just go, 'Here, kitty, kitty?' when they're around?"

I think you need to be a bit, "Sorry, I know I am PCGM, but I have a thing about our children (esp if there is a DD) growing up around images that portray women in a way that is objectifying. I'm cool with it, you're cool with it, but we live in a different world now."

Then point them to a DM article about 8-year-olds viewing porn on phones, and let them think it's the thin end of the wedge. And suggest it's removed when your children are there.

I'd say ask nicely, just say you don't think it's appropriate for the little ones. PIL will think you are overly PC and PFB and probably some other acronyms too, and maybe roll eyes.. but hopefully will realize they are being sexist and it's embarrassing and take it down.

If they had something obviously racist in their loo I think most people would say it comes down or you don't come round. Just think of it that way.

If they get rude about it or anything like that you could either refuse to come around. Or do (what I would do) simply explain to the children that the picture is very sexist and should have been left in the 70s, and explain why it is wrong. Don't worry about trying to paint granddad as old and therefore unaware of sexism because age really isn't an excuse. And you don't him an excuse for his sexisim.

See what he says when kids have words about him about being sexist.

I'd just go for the straightforward approach. Say to them "I'm not comfortable with the children seeing that picture when they visit. It's just not the kind of thing I want to have to explain to young children. Could you take it down, or move it somewhere they won't see it when we visit?"

Not demanding. Not saying they are vile for having it. Just calm and clear.

That way they can say "Oh, that's a valid point, yes we'll take it down" if they are reasonable people.

If they won't, then you can get more specific about why it is inappropriate, and why you find it difficult to bring the children for a visit. But that's only after they don't respond to a calm and sensible request. Don't turn it into a fight until it has to be one - most people (unless they are arseholes) will listen to a calm suggestion from their grandchildren's mother.

Cut out a dress made of paper that fits the lady in question and get your DH to stick it over the picture with bluetack when you are in the house. Make a joke of it whilst making the point you don't want the kids seeing pictures of a naked dolly bird when they go to the loo.

If your PIL don't respond well to requests to take it down, I think that you should use it as a teaching moment for your kids once they are old enough to understand. After all, they are going to encounter hyper-sexualised and sexist imagery of women everywhere, eventually.

You could explain to them why you and your DP object to the poster, and how you would like to see a different, more equitable world for boys and girls. My second-wave feminist mother would often point out sexism and talk about feminist issues with my brother and sister and me, even when we were young. It helped me a lot when it came to navigating the world as a teenager and young adult - it just meant I had a heightened awareness of these things and didn't swallow them unthinkingly.

It was bought 30 or 40 years ago. It may be there as much out of habit as anything and not quite so "proudly" as you might be thinking. And while FIL might be "political correctness gone mad" would he actually be happy to knw that you are a bit horrified by him and his house every time you go to the loo?

I'm just saying it might not be quite the problem you're imagining.

I don't think another loo is the answer - it becomes more of a problem as your kids get older and you can control which loo they go into less.

Yy to another loo, or saying "I think X is a bit young to see that picture, so I'm going to take it down whilst we are here."

Cop out option. Is there another loo in the house