Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

What would you say if your dh went to a lap dancing club?

190 replies

crazy88 · 16/03/2014 09:02

This is a hypothetical question but dh is away this weekend and I just have a sneaking suspicion that he may have done this, mainly because of which friends he has gone with, one of whom I know has used prostitutes on more than one occasion.

I am not suggesting for a minute that he would do this, or be unfaithful, or actually pay for a lap dance (he would feel too embarrassed!) but he would go along if other people were going to a club.

From a feminist point of view, what would you say? I need something suitably withering and fact based as I am feeling frazzled and stressed from looking after our 3 ds's all weekend whilst trying to get house ready for guests this week Confused Angry

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 16/03/2014 12:09

I knew he was going to do it and I didn't really say anything about it as was his best mate's stag do and I didn't want to spoil it for him or single him out

The problem with this is that neither of you is being honest with the other.

Personally, I want to be with a man who wouldn't allow himself to be physically dragged into one of those places, let alone 'go with the flow' or actually choose to go.

I don't want to tell him what to do, if he wants to go he can but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like that. If your dh goes it will be for one reason only - he wants to. It really is that simple.

TawdryTatou · 16/03/2014 12:00

"Goodbye".

Suttyshotty · 16/03/2014 11:32

I had the mother of all rows with my DP when he went to one, to the point that I packed his bags. I told him I didn't want to be in a relationship with someone who had no moral compass and participated in the degradation and objectification of 50% of the population.
I asked how he would feel if his niece or sister we're dancing? I also sent him a very interesting article from the Guardian about the rise in sex attacks on women having a strong correlation to the opening of lap dancing clubs in certain areas.
He is generally lovely, if a bit daft and just had not thought about it. He had plenty of thinking time in the spare room for a week.
It almost caused us to split, and had he tried to justify his actions, I think that would have been the end for me.
I see it as paying for sexual services.
Sorry for the rant..I'm still quite cross!

Original poster
crazy88 · 16/03/2014 11:18

morethanpotatoprints I agree, but it's like live porn innit? Something to feed fantasies but in RL and without being physically unfaithful.

OP posts:
Original poster
crazy88 · 16/03/2014 11:15

Stag night was dh's last excuse damefanny, I knew he was going to do it and I didn't really say anything about it as was his best mate's stag do and I didn't want to spoil it for him or single him out (Hmm). His line when he got home was very much "they were all mingers anyway", and I'm ashamed to say that did make me feel better Blush.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 16/03/2014 11:10

I'd think he was a bit weird and/or wanted out of the relationship.
Whilst I don't agree with prostitution I can see the point, at least something is achieved in the end, but a lap dance.
They are titillated, turned on and then go home. It seems like a weird prick tease with no benefits.

Original poster
crazy88 · 16/03/2014 11:08

Stupid iPhone!

Visited lap dancing clubs with her (female) gay friends and she enjoyed it but anyway, I am digressing.

I think you're right, it is an issue of respect, and I look forward to making that point. Vociferously.

OP posts:
DameFanny · 16/03/2014 11:08

"there's no point in coming anywhere near me until the image of prostituted women has faded" is what I said to mostly-D H after he went to one in Prague on a stag night

Original poster
crazy88 · 16/03/2014 11:05

Incidentally, I have a friend (female) who has visited laodanc

OP posts:
Original poster
crazy88 · 16/03/2014 11:03

Opinion has changed over time. I am getting less tolerant as I get older!

OP posts:
Original poster
crazy88 · 16/03/2014 11:01

I'm fairly sure he knows I don't approve but I think my opini

OP posts:
ExcuseTypos · 16/03/2014 09:40

I wouldn't want to be with a man who visited a lap dancing club. Id lose respect for him. Dh knows that so if he did go I'd take that to mean he didn't want to be with me.

Does your H know you don't approve of them?

Hassled · 16/03/2014 09:33

I would be very disappointed in him. Disappointed that he could participate in the objectification of women in that way. And yes, I'd lose respect.

And he or someone else will tell you that the women enjoy it, that it's empowering, that they get paid well and there's no problem. I doubt that's true but even if it was, even if they grew up aspiring to be a lap-dancer and have reached their lifetime's ambition, it doesn't change my opinion that they are being objectified, that they are being belittled.

Original poster
crazy88 · 16/03/2014 09:29

Harsh! But I respect your opinion. Anything else?

OP posts:
dunsborough · 16/03/2014 09:18

"Get out".

That would be a dealbreaker for me as all respect would be gone.