What would you say if your dh went to a lap dancing club?

Here's your suitcase, now fuck off!

Total dealbreaker for me.

Regardless of whether or not he actually went, just knowing that he wanted to go at all - ie, the point at which he even mentioned lapdancing/strip clubs - would be game over for me. Partly because I don't want to be with someone so intellectually inferior (and, I think, to find that sort of thing entertaining, you do have to be of a relatively low intellect - or, possibly, still be a teenager), partly because of the political objections to it and, also, partly because what it would say about his opinion of me - if he wants to go and look at other naked women, then looking at me naked obviously isn't that great. And I don't want to be with a man who thinks I am not great to look at, I want to be with a man who thinks I am wonderful.

I'm dismayed by the idea that you have to be, like, 40, you know, like really old and ugly, to think that lapdancing clubs and the attitudes that make them possible are horrendous.

I wouldn't have a DH who went to a lap dancing club.

If I had inadvertently acquired a DH who did in fact do that, I would rectify the situation by getting rid of him.

So, he didn't go to the Strip Club

But he is still a bloke who called the women that work in them "all mingers anyway"

You seem quite pleased about that bit though. I wouldn't be.

I would take him to the police station because he would obviously be an imposter looking to steal my collection of early 20th century school stories.

If it turned out not to be an imposter, I would ask him to close the door on the way out.

It is very simple. It's over.

The kind of useless, brainless, misogynistic, revolting little man who thinks nothing of going to places like this, where women are treated as less than human, is NOT the kind of man I want anywhere near me. Thankfully, my DH is pretty wonderful...he thinks men who go to these places are worthless little shits.

I'd ask him to book into the doctors because of fear he was suffering some sort of breakdown or brain disease or had had a bad bump to the head.

I would say goodbye. It would be a deal breaker.

Glad your DH didn't go, Crazy88.

Oh is that the 'voice of women' programme OP, I'm recording it to watch later, looks interesting.

Glad he didn't go, are you going to have a proper talk with him now so that you understand each other. Do you think he will steer clear even if everyone else goes next time?

I wouldn't care. If he had a lap dance that would be a different matter. My DH's mates are incredibly 'laddy' and will likely expect this to be part of all their stag dos (none are married yet). They are also very young (we got married and had kids early so are still in early twenties), think i might feel different if they were all in their forties although i know thats probably unfair. While I think strip clubs are grim I know my DH and believe he wouldn't get all that much enjoyment out of them other than laughing and feeling a bit embarrassed.

Well lots of men do go to lapdancing clubs, and there are more and more of them on the high street, so clearly either all these men who are funding the industry are either lying about it, or have wives and partners who aren't bothered. So I do think you have to be clear. Sadly, some women don't care. sooperdooper upthread doesn't, for example. Although sooper touching does happen, it's not supposed to but it does.

It would be a complete surprise, because he hates them and what they stand for. Tbh, I really can't imagine ever having the conversation with him, but if by some strange reason he did my reaction would firstly be to ask him if was OK (because it would be so out of character), secondly to ask why the hell he thought it was appropriate, and thirdly to ask why he didn't leave - and then I would decide what to do based on his answers to each.

Mine has, with some lads on a stag do. He told me upfront, I'm not bothered tbh, in a strip club there's no touching and it's not the same as visiting a prostitute, guess I'm in the minority here because I wasn't that bothered really, I might've been annoyed if he hadn't told me beforehand

Mine did, with a client and under some duress. He hated it, absolutely hated it, and when he came home he said 'I am so, so sorry and you were so, so right.' So while I threw a shit-fit, I also thought that was a reasonable result and I know he's never been near anything like that since. It also wasn't in this country so wasn't overtly 'branded' as 'hey, we're going lapdancing' - it was 'we'll go in here for a drink, whoops, naked ladies isn't that hilarious MrWilson' so - eventually - I forgave him.

I was extremely disappointed he didn't just get up and walk out, but also pleased in a weird way because it moved his thinking on. Pity that's what it took though...

Thing is though OP, you're dp has done this once before and you said nothing, so how can you expect him to respect your feelings when you don't make them clear to him?

I wouldn't like it but I would like it even less he wasn't man enough to tell his friends, no he doesn't want to go to a lap dancing club. Being his own man is a prerequisite to being my husband.

I can honestly say dh would never visit a strip club. He recently turned down a stag trip because that would be included in it. He isn't a blokey bloke unlike the other males in my family. I think they respect him for it.
I do think that saying 'you can't do this because I don't agree with it' could be counter productive. The desire to go would still be there and that would bother me just as much.

It's difficult to say for certain, unless it actually happened, but I do know I'd be worried.

The reason I'd be worried is, that it would be totally out of character for my DH to do that, as I know he feels as strongly about these issues as I do.

DH had some issues in his first job, because he wasn't a "blokey bloke", and wasn't interested in gawping at topless women in papers/magazines and that kind of thing. The "blokey blokes" he worked with were really arses about it, they saw him as not being a "real man", it was a horrible situation for him.

So yeah, if he did visit such an establishment, something will have changed him as a person. In theory that would cause difficulties in our relationship.

I'm not sure. I the past DH has turned down stag dos because lap dancing clubs were involved so it's not something I hope would ever be an issue.
However I have made my opinion on them known. AFAIA we share the opinion so if he went to one anyway I would seriously consider whether I wanted to be in that relationship.
morethan - I suppose I don't see it as controlling or stopping him going; he has every right to frequent somewhere like that and I have every right to end the relationship as a result if that makes sense. It's one of my 'probable' dealbreakers but like you I'm with a man who shares my opinion.

'Sign here' (points to divorce papers)

But surely by trying to stop men from doing this is just as bad as trying to control them. Eventually they have enough of not being able to do what they want and find somebody else who will allow it. Or worse still, do it behind your back.
I don't understand why women get involved with people who have different values to themselves.
I wouldn't like it, so found a man who isn't interested in that type of thing. He's no angel though and neither am I, we both like porn. Whether this is better or worse is irrelevant because its something we both share.