Where do you fall on "forgetting" contraception?

I would be incandescent with rage and it would destroy my trust in him. He lied about something very important. He showed a horrific lack of respect for your health.

He assaulted you.
Your consent was based on the fact that he told you he was wearing a condom. If you would not have consented to sex if you had known he was not wearing a condom then he raped you.
The effect of pregnancy would be detrimental to your health and well being. This is true even if you didn't have extra health problems. Whereas it has literally no affect on him it his body.
He is basically willing to risk your physical, mental and emotional health just so sex feels a little bit different for him.
Tbh I would consider leaving someone who did this. They clearly don't respect your body.

Oh op that's awful.

How are you doing?

Actually, I would be reviewing pretty much everything he'd ever told me.

Was it him who relayed the information to you? a) why did a consultant tell him about it, that's a breach of confidentiality? b) why wasn't it the consultant who subsequently informed you?

Basically, if it was him who said it, I'd get confirmation from another source. What a way to live.

Are you OK, OP?

I think that you are responsible for your own contraception OP is waiting to get IUD fitted & her dh implied that he had it covered, I think that would be responsible enough, especially if her dh is usually reliable.

And what do you mean, you were unconscious???????? When the info was given re no more babies.

Ah that makes sense - I muddled up the "he"s.

Unconscious when the doctor said about getting PG again!

Fair, I think in a LTR, there would be a lot if support for a man whose partner has lied about contraception. Less so in a ONS.

It's possible that he didn't realise the full implications of the MAP, ie a) it's pretty unreliable b) it's hormonal and you react badly to hormonal contraception, so maybe he didn't realise the full practical implications of his actions. But even if you gave him the benefit of that doubt it's still appallingly disrespectful on an emotional/personal level.

He needs to understand both parts of what he did wrong and grovel, otherwise it's potentially a relationship breaker.

And what do you mean, you were unconscious????????

He lied to you for his own gain. I don't see how you can trust him.

However, on balance OP, I think that you are responsible for your own contraception. Even though you should be able to trust your dh, you obviously can't.

If a man says he is not responsible for a pregnancy because the woman told him she was on the pill, or couldn't have children, or any other lie, he would be told that he is responsible for his own contraception.

From now on OP, I would say no sex at all unless you know that your own contraception is sorted.

This would be a deal breaker for me.

The fact he isn't acknowledging that he did anything wrong would be the nail in the coffin.

I would ask him to leave.

MAP doesn't always work so he's in fact saying "no biggie, you could always have an abortion or risk your life with another pregnancy"

For what? Because it doesn't feel as good with a condom? Stupid, reckless, thoughtless, foolish man

If I could forgive him, I certainly wouldn't be able to have sex again until I'd covered contraception myself. Trust completely gone.

Emergency contraception has side effects

One of which is that it doesn't always work! I know two friends it failed for & have read lots of stories on here where it has failed.

He didn't forget, did he?

Some would call this rape, as you consented to sex with a condom & he didn't use one, so he didn't have your consent to have sex sans condom.

I would lose a lot of trust in anyone who did this to me.

...what he did is like the second.

No, this is terrible, he actually lied to you. When did he tell you or did you find out after he'd come.

Forgetting is when you have sex, look at your pill packet and think, "oh crap!" - not saying "yes dear I've taken it" when you know full well you haven't.

It means that every time you have sex, you will be on edge, worried, and probably resentful.

I'm not sure how you can carry on. :(

I would completely flip about this. Totally unacceptable. And yes, he didn't forget, he made a decision that you could sort it out later without checking.

I've only had the MAP once and it was not an experience I'd like to repeat.

It's not entirely clear but it looks like he actually lied rather than forgot? Which obviously is even worse.

I am not sure I could continue to trust anyone who put their sexual pleasure above health and well being.

WTF? No, that's fucking horrendous.

I thought this was going to be about missing a pill. I do this on occasion and ALWAYS tell DH upfront because why on earth wouldn't you? I tell him even if it's a "safe" window to miss one because I want him to be aware if the protection is even a tiny bit compromised so we can decide together if it's worth using something extra (or avoiding entirely) or not.

He sounds wildly misinformed about the MAP if he thinks it's no big deal, it's not even as reliable as standard forms of contraception. However, this isn't really the issue. It's a bit like whacking you over the head and then saying "Oh, sorry, I thought it wouldn't matter because if you had a headache you could just take a painkiller."

He didn't "forget" though, did he? He lied.

This isn't a question about contraception. It's a question about honesty and respect.

OK sometimes people do get carried away, but you said he'd indicated he was 'dressed' when he wasn't. This isn't heat of the moment.

As Dinnae says, the morning after pill made me quite sick on the two occasions I took it, and meant I lost a day lying in bed desperately trying not to vomit. It's no picnic.

However, that's irrelevant really. Your husband lied to you and abused your trust. I'm incandescent with rage on your behalf. Be angry with him - don't let him get away with it.

What an utter prick. I would be absolutely livid.

How disrespectful of him, just utterly selfish. It would put serious doubts in my mind about the future of our relationship.

I'm so sorry he has done this to you.