I was talking with my sister today about how annoying it is that my DH, her DH and my dad like to engage in slightly overbearing tickling and rough-ish play with the DC. Then I realised that pretty much every man I have observed with their DC/nieces/nephews engages in this kind of play. By which I mean, the kind of play where they rough-house with the DC until they are squealing and doing that slightly hysterical laughter that is very nearly tears.
I know that there's research showing that rough-ish play, more male-centred play, has an important part in children's development. But it has started me wondering why men often seem to play with children in a way that over-rides the child's comfort. It's a low level, but it seems that the men enjoy this kind of play and therefore keep doing it even though the child is clearly expressing that they have had enough and want it to stop. Why do they not do the rough play and then stop when the child has had enough, instead of persisting? Do the men just not notice the emotions being expressed by the child? If not, why don't they? Is it a continuum, with at one end a very loving man who thinks (unconsciously) that his enjoyment trumps that of the child, and at the other end of the continuum is a man who totally tramples on the feelings of others for the pursuit of his own gains (i.e. rape), because he doesn't consider them to matter.
I am absolutely not suggesting that my DH, DB, and all the supportive, essentially feminist men I know are rapists, but this mild over-riding of children's feelings and physical boundaries seems to be fairly consistent and now I think about it, a little bit weird. Perhaps it's just a gradual pushing of the boundaries that over time encourages children to be more resilient? I don't know.