Feeling conflicted about (childless) man's feminist views on mothering

And Ubik1, maybe you're right about his intentions or subsequent actions.... but I wasn't aware that anyone is under any duty to post with only pure intentions, or that they may not do something trivial after they've posted.

Maybe he just shared the poem cos he's trying to participate in the feminist vibe at work, but couldn't give a shit really. Perhaps he posted it, thought 'job done' and and then went and played Call of Duty on his X Box for 3 hrs.

I have posted numerous times on FB about various pieces of good and bad news re gay rights, eg the passing of equal marriage bills. So have lots of my friends, gay and straight. I have never heard anyone once express the opinion that it was wrong for me to do so on the grounds I was straight and was therefore appropriating their experience. I've gone and checked with a couple of gay friends now, both of whom I trust to tell me the truth, and they are not in the least bothered about my posting.

If we only speak freely of those things which we have directly experienced, we limit solidarity in the world. I will not accept that I ought not to post on issues relating to poverty, for example, because I am not poor.

There is of course an issue about how one posts, but this is different from whether one posts.

And depending on the content of the re-post, he may also be a cattle rustler and sheep worrier....

But, we don't know the content of the post, so we can't be sure.

The other part of it is that, depending on the content of the re-post, he is getting very dangerously close to presuming to approve of certain types of women's bodies, which he doesn't have the right to do, or express.

CaptainGrinch, I couldn't agree with you more.

Why on earth be a Facebook friend with a colleague you don't like? And then wtaf, attacking that person for posting videos you agree with because you think he may be appropriating?

I think that is a large and rather hypocritical stew to be making from one oyster. And posters here seem to have come very close to actually attacking the poem, which seems very unhelpful.

Who's to say that this guy:

• Doesn't have a sister, cousin, mother or friend who struggled with the issues, and that it was this that prompted his post?
• Didn't talk it over with a woman before posting?
• Didn't go to a poetry evening and hear the poet in person, and was prompted by that experience to find the poem and post it?

Was the poet the very wonderful Hollie McNish, by the way?

If you say he's a twat, I believe you too.

But he's not a twat for posting this.

He was already a twat. This is not in itself a twattish act. It is only a twattish thing to do because he is a twatty person who has done it.

So the guy posted something you agree with, and that touched you, and it annoys you because you don't like him?

I agree.

The thing he has done is not a bad thing in itself.

You are interpreting it as being done for the wrong reasons because you don't like him.

That may be the case, but don't say that in general people should not be interested in issues unless they are personally affected by them.

I totally get where you are coming from on this. I think "appropriating" is a very good way of putting it.
He hasn't earned the right to spout off about things like that.

I am overjoyed that a senior man who has just come to work with us (who is new, came in a restructure and has a lot to prove) has immediately started his new job making it clear by what he does (what he does, not what he says) that he is supporting his wife on maternity leave by getting out of the office every single day on time.

For most men, the opportunity to support motherhood will come by supporting their partners, or by taking a pro-parent stance at work. He needs to walk the walk, forget about talking the talk, and how about a nice big cup of shut the fuck up.

You know you can turn people off in your feed without them knowing?

I can't understand why the OP has this man on Facebook when she doesn't like him. Is it purely to dissect his every posting? That comes across as quite two faced TBH.

If he's not a friend then get rid. If you don't feel you can get rid, don't throw him to the MN Wolves based on your admittedly biased opinion of him.

I don't see how posting a video that you find admirable & informative, of a woman speaking, is mansplaining.....

I'd be annoyed at the whippersnapper trying to muscle in on my patch at work. If you fancy a bit of sport, bone up on the political parties or subjects he claims to like and engage him in really earnest boring conversation till you plumb the shallows of his knowledge and leave him floundering, ha!

I really don't get it anyone who posts anything on facebook is looking for attention its why they posted.

What's funny here is that the OP by her own admission liked the video and agrees with it. By the way he has been portrayed he seems to be a bit of a kiss ass but that doesn't make him a bad person.

If he's a twat, he's a twat.

If this video gets people thinking, it's a good thing. Regardless of who posts it and why.

Personal motivations rarely stand up to scrutiny. At least this action is positive. (Unless you are saying it would be iffy regardless of who posted it).

Because, Buffy, he has simply posted a video that I assume he found admirable in some way. How on earth does that mean he is telling anyone how to do anything?

And yet all sorts of shit has been read into this simple act, and people who don't know him have accused him of being a try-hard and a slime ball. Now imagine a young woman who had not had children had done the same thing. Do you think everyone would be dissing her? Because I don't. Nor do I think the OP would have it in for her.

As sausage said, how do we know he didn't discuss with his mum, or sister, or girlfriend? We don't. Didn't stop the knives coming out though.

Question I assume he has a mother, does he have other female relatives he may have spoken to or may be pregnant? It may be has talked it through with female family members.

Double standards - gotta love 'em. This discussion confirms in my tiny brain that men are best keeping out of feminism altogether. Don't hinder, don't obstruct, and don't get involved. Anything you do will be dissected, second-guessed and extrapolated to the worst possible conclusion.

Out of interest OP, what involvement do the immediate superiors at work have in feminism? Is this going to gain their favour?

I don't see an issue with his actual post. Anything anybody said about motherhood could be seen as a problem if said in the wrong context or if we assume it is the only perspective they hold on it. I think you're reaching to find a reason to criticise his post, op. If you, knowing him, think he is not a good person from your own experiences with him, you should trust that. It does not require everything he ever does to be negative; even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day. And you are not required to like all people who express feminist views.

And those of you thinking he's trying to impress the laydeez - you don't know if he is straight, gay or asexual. How very heteronormative of you all.