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Original poster

Single fathers and single mothers - viewed differently by the majority of people?

26 replies

CatAssTrophy · 30/01/2014 14:11

This might be in the wrong place. Apologies if that's the case.

My granny (early 80s) phoned me last night. We got talking about a new neighbour of hers who has just moved into their village.

He is a single parent with his children living with him. One is 16, the other is 12 and the youngest is 5. Apparently the mother just left and went off with another man.

My gran was going on and on about how much she and her other neighbours admire him. What an amazing man taking on sole responsibilty of his children. Giving up his big 'city' career to be a full time father (i also hate that phrase; aren't all parents still parents full time?), and how they've been taking things like casseroles and dinners round for him.

My cousin - who also lives in the same village as my gran - is a single parent to her 7-year-old. My gran is constantly moaning about her to me. "When is she going to get a job?" "She's just wasting her life." "When is she going to settle down and get a nice boyfriend?"

It's not just my gran, either. I see it a lot. In my experience - although limited - single men with residency of their children are treated far more sympathetically than single women in the same position.

"Single mums" is actually used as a derogatory term in my town. My close friend said she has a 'thing' for single dads. To her, they are all lovely and caring and committed.

I'd be interested to hear your experience/opinion of this. Where you're from, are both treated and viewed in the same way? Or, as in my case, are single fathers considered superior to single mothers?

OP posts:
tribpot · 30/01/2014 14:19

I think the pecking order is a bit more complex than that.

Resident parent who is a single dad - miracle worker / magician
Resident parent who is a single mum - may be hard worker or benefit sponge depending on circumstance
Non-resident parent who is a single dad - probably a deadbeat dad
Non-resident parent who is a single mum - evil incarnate.

I know people in the older generations who genuinely believe that men are physically and mentally incapable of looking after their own children. Even my mother, a staunch feminist, couldn't see the irony in telling me that my cousin's husband had had his mum to stay when she was working at the Olympics. This seemed only right to my mum - in reality I suspect he would have been fine but since his mum offered, why wouldn't you say yes? I know I would!

The irony is that this entrenched view of men's limitations is the same entrenched view of women's limitations that my mum has railed against for years.

So because it's relatively unusual and perceived to be outside the usual physical parameters of male behaviour it's a bit like being a female astronaut or deep sea diver. Still noteworthy of comment more than the participants of the opposite sex.

And btw I bloody hate the expression 'full-time father' / 'full-time mother'. We are all full-time parents. Unless you actually are a deadbeat dad/mum.

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