Aaarrrgghh pissed of with it now!

I have a single dad friend and we go on single parent holidays together. I get the rage often when other mums go on about how great a dad he is because he's given his DS breakfast or taken him for a walk. I always ask why that's so great when us mums do it all the time. Every single time they start going on about how caring for a child isn't natural for a man so he's fab for doing it I've had some arguments heated discussions.

More than grinds my gears a bit. I'm the tidy/clean/organised freak in my partnership (yes, it's part of my MH issues but it's a useful part so I leave it be) and comment gets passed about it. And I care for my very elderly grandmother and I get praised for doing that, too, to an extent that none of the female carers I know get.

Totally agree. I have a couple of friends who are lovely, normal, well educated women who are always telling me wistfully how lucky I am just because DH pulls his weight around the house. It drives me up the wall! I've known them forever so I have no problem saying no, I'm not lucky it's just normal and how it should be for everyone.
It's not just them though, in the playground on Friday there was a group of us and I was the only one who's DH did tbe packed lunches in the morning even though it was a job they all hated. And this was a mix of women who work full time, part time and not at all (out of the home)

Ask them why. "He's so good round the house!"

"oh really? Why?"

"Oh well, all the cooking/cleaning/washing he does."

"Oh I see. I didn't realise he never eats/wears clothes/makes a mess."

Then smile and change the subject.

My MIL does the sucking lemons face whenever she's reminded that DP irons his own shirts and that we share the cooking and cleaning. We both have children we both work outside the home, if he couldn't iron his own clothes I'd struggle to respect him.

It does seem depressingly accepted that a woman will do more of the housework, I wish I could think of a witty retort for when people seem surprised that DP is able to wash his own clothes.

Ooh just remembered another - people keep asking me where dd is, or whose got dd?! I just give them a confused look and say DH. He doesn't get the third degree on his daughters whereabouts thought

I hate the phrase "he's so good with her" (DH with DD). Yes he is, as am I. Not surprising really given that we both made her.

I don't often here the ones about domestic chores though, either because people don't know or realise that if we both work full time we do equal at home (or more correctly we both equally ignore the cleaning at home!).

It is the idea that housework is the woman's responsibility. Gives me the rage. The next person who says "You are so lucky he does the washing up" will get dirty dishes rammed down their throats and up where it doesn't shine.

Totally agree. I had an aunt who used to comment on how DH spoilt mt, with her best sucking lemons face on.

I'm shocked at some of my friends and how unequal their domestic workload is split.

I can relate to this. I am SAHM, DH works full time. I do bulk of childcare (youngest not yet at preschool) but it is shared at weekends and holidays. He puts washing on and cooks. He is a great partner and father. It gets commented on frequently about how great he is and he is, do not get me wrong. I always nod and agree but am sometimes inwardly getting more and more irritated that it is mentioned so frequently. I find it hard to challenge without sounding bitter and ungracious.

It should be the norm that both partners share the workload of family life to whatever degree they find acceptable.

I have a male carer, I never do housework. I only occasionally do the washing.

It confuses people a lot.

It is ... it's like being in the 50s and no one's noticed that men eat, wear clothes and use the house so need to help maintain them too.
TBH though my dh does the same if not more than me and no one comments... but then no one knows...