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Original poster

DD (2) has started up with the 'pink is for girls, blue is for boys' - how to deal?

37 replies

makemineabacardi · 02/01/2014 12:28

I've always been very careful with DD (who is 3 next month) to try to avoid pigeonholing her with colours, toys, clothes etc. She wears any colour she chooses, plays with both dolls and cars, loves Spiderman and horses equally etc etc. I feel very strongly about the 'let toys be toys' view so for most of her life I've tried not to make a big deal out of the gender segregation for small children (which in my opinion is far more apparent than it was than in the 80's when I grew up).

Very recently she seems to have 'noticed' the gender divide so has started asking questions. For example, she told me on the way home from nursery a few days ago that old mantra 'pink is for girls, blue is for boys' until I reminded her that my fave colour is blue and she also says blue is her fave too. She's started doing things like picking up her Spiderman top, looking confused and saying 'but its for boys'. The same for her new shoes - which she chose but are also from the Clarks boys' range. She'll still wear them happily but she's starting to ask questions.

I've tried explaining to her that all colours and toys are for anyone and anyone can play/wear them etc, but is this how I should be saying it? Is there a better way to make it clearer for her in a way she would understand?

It's inevitable I guess that she would reach this stage (I'm guessing she picked it up at nursery as we have no family here and she doesnt get it from friends), and a bit depressing as I thought she would be older than this. 2 seems very young to be aware of this.

So any good pointers for me? How do fellow feminists deal with this issue with their children?

Thanks Smile

OP posts:
MothershipG · 02/01/2014 15:09

Gird your loins OP this is just the start of it all.

My DD has an older brother so when she was little she happily wore lots of 'boy' clothes and played with whatever was around. But when she got to about 3 she became very pink and girly and seriously into shoes, despite having a mother who habitually wears black and comfortable shoes.

But don't panic! It was a phase, she grew out of it, she is still considerably more stylish than me, much better at putting an outfit together, much better looking and has a slightly punky/goth taste in clothes, she's 11. Wink And (having recovered from a moment of doubt when seeing our dog get her temperature taken) has decided she wants to be a Vet.

2beornot · 02/01/2014 15:08

Errol - do I have to?! Grin

ErrolTheDragon · 02/01/2014 14:59

2b - google some images of Johnny Depp Grin

PenguinsDontEatStollen · 02/01/2014 14:58

I would normally deal with something like that with saying "Well, anyone who wants to wear nail varnish can do. You are right though that I've seen more girls who choose to wear it than boys". So validate the observation, but refuse to agree it is a 'rule' if that makes sense?

2beornot · 02/01/2014 14:52

I have similar problems with my dd (nearly 3). She'll say things like nail varnish is just for girls. I'll correct her and say boys can wear it if they want to but the problem is that we don't know any male who would wear nail varnish. So how do I open her mind when all she is doing is summarising the world around her?

PenguinsDontEatStollen · 02/01/2014 14:47

I have had this with DD1(4.5) but not yet DD2 (2.5).

I tend to say "that's not how it works. Colours aren't for boys or for girls. That pink ball is for anyone who likes the colour pink" or whatever. I don't make a big deal, I just correct her whenever it comes out.

A friend at school told her recently that red apples were for girls because they were sweeter. Didn't quite know how to process that one! Just reminded her that I prefer green apples and her dad likes red ones.

seafoodudon · 02/01/2014 13:29

Exactly the same issue with DD1 - almost exactly the same age. I was really surprised when she said the pink/blue thing. I asked the childminder who said that DD had been looking at a 'my new baby' book and asked why the illustration of the hospital cots had blue ribbons on some cots and pink on others. Thankfully DH wears more pink than I do - so we talk about daddy's pink shirts and mummy's blue jeans a lot. Thankfully red is her favourite colour at the moment and we got some fab red trainers in Next (and there's another thread about our efforts to find a red bike).

Original poster
makemineabacardi · 02/01/2014 13:20

That's a good idea Errol, I'll have to take a look. Finding good quality non-gendered shoes is hard - as is well documented on this site!

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 02/01/2014 13:05

I really like some of the outdoorsy shops for practical shoes/boots/sandals for kids - e.g. Mountain Warehouse has mostly identical 'kids' or 'juniors' styles in different colours. Some of them I'm sure many boys would avoid but girls can choose anything - if they want pink/purple that's fine because its still just as practical, but if they prefer blue/green/whatever its not labelled 'boy'.

Original poster
makemineabacardi · 02/01/2014 12:47

Thanks both Smile. I'm conscious this is something I don't want to mess up.

She does have some pink (including a pink handbag she loves) which is fine with me, I just don't want her to feel that's all she can have.

I'm not girly at all and my fave colour is blue, but as a child adored The Little Mermaid so there can be a balance.

As for shoes - I prefer to buy her boys' ones since they're so much more suitable for all weather and rough outdoor play than girls' ones. Clarks is a particularly bad offender with this. A topic for another time but a 'shoes are for kids' campaign would be perfect!

OP posts:
sydenhamhiller · 02/01/2014 12:40

They are very influenced by their peers, it's true. I just kept it low key with my 3. I'd say things like "but my favourite colour is light blue, so it's not just a boy's colour" and "think about daddy's pink shirt he wears with his new suit, and he's not a girl". And fortunately DD1 has finally outgrown the pink stage.

ErrolTheDragon · 02/01/2014 12:38

I think you're on the right lines: 'I've tried explaining to her that all colours and toys are for anyone and anyone can play/wear them' seems spot on - let her choose (nothing wrong with some pink if she wants, so long as its not an inferior product). Gently rebut the 'blue is for boys' and cheerfully ignore the silly signs in shops foolish enough to still have them (maybe we need a 'shoes are for kids' campaign next.... clarkes is really annoying).

Encourage her to think for herself and develop her own tastes and interests.

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