Has marriage become for men only?

I know a lot of men who dodge marriage like the plague (because of the potential for post-divorce alimony). If it's all been arranged for their benefit then the patriarchy is playing an unusually subtle game of double bluff. Now a certain style of feminist thought could argue that in a post-patriarchal utopia the contribution of SAHPs would always be rewarded and restricting that reward to married women is the bribe to get women into a situation that is otherwise to their detriment.

However, given that men are mostly the gatekeepers of marriage, it is mostly the more advantaged women who end up married. In practice I really don't think married women are oppressed by their partners and society more than single, co-habiting, or "baby mama" women (is there a PC term for that last situation?).

Caveat: this is the UK you're talking about, I'm sure there are places out there where marriage is indeed a systematic tool of repression.

I was a sahm until recently, now I work very part time, so mostly a sahm.

Before we had dc, I worked full time earning a similar amount to my now dh.

So the dc were both born when we weren't married.. At some point I realised that the dc & I would be up shit creek if dp & I split. I had given up work , moved away from family etc.

So I told dp we were getting married. He initially said no, so I said I'd better find a full time job and put the dc in nursery. He changed his mind and we got married in July.

My point being - as a feminist, I wasn't prepared to have fewer rights following a split because I'd chosen to give up work for a. few years. Everything else is exactly the same, we were together 10 years before getting married.

Ps. I didn't change my name other than to become a Ms.

What do you think men benefit from marriage?

I think yes, generally marriage is mainly for the benefit of men.

But in reality is the the having and rearing of children where the inequalities arise and are compounded.

No. DH and I are both feminists. I wouldn't have married him if he wasn't.

What's your alternative, JDD? Civil partnerships all round?

No. I am a married sahm & a feminist. Marriage is for both partners imo & ime.

The tax breaks being brought in by the conservatives for married couples actually mean more money for the man, don't they (given how families are often set up in terms of who earns what). There is no compulsion on him to share the additional money with his wife / children.

Same old same old.

It would be good if civil partnerships were available to heterosexual couples IMO.

I think marriage has always been predominantly for men. Women got security, men got access to women's bodies, labour and money.

The happiness scale also bears weight to this in modern day too. Married men at the top, followed by single women, married women and single men. Wonder why ?

I have the more to lose by ever getting married again, yes.

Well, I'm married and I'm pretty sure nobody thinks of me as the 'lesser of the partnership'. Marriage is certainly still valuable for women, if that's what you're asking, as it sorts out a great deal of financial and legal stuff that would otherwise have to be gone through separately.

I have no interest in 'patriarchal bondage' or any other sort

No to the last question.

I don't think your other questions make sense tbh.