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Original poster

Learning our place.

29 replies

enlightenmequick · 27/11/2013 13:55

The article is on the subject of rape, but to me it turns into a very excellent narrative on how we are socialised to give in, be polite, not cause a fuss etc, and how this plays right into rapists hands.
social conditioning

OP posts:
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WilsonFrickett · 28/11/2013 18:05

People wonder why women don’t “fight back,” but they don’t wonder about it when women back down in arguments, are interrupted, purposefully lower and modulate their voices to express less emotion, make obvious signals that they are uninterested in conversation or being in closer physical proximity and are ignored. They don’t wonder about all those daily social interactions in which women are quieter, ignored, or invisible...

Proper lightbulb there, thanks for linking OP.

WRT your own situation you are making plenty of sense and it is frightening to realise how sometimes you think you are making a choice, but really it's no choice at all. You were probably coerced because social pressure is a form of coercion too.

SunshineSuperNova · 28/11/2013 14:31

It makes perfect sense enlighten.

Original poster
enlightenmequick · 28/11/2013 12:54

Well, apart from the typos! Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
enlightenmequick · 28/11/2013 12:45

I didnt grow up in a violent household, but I ended up in a violent relationship.

I've often wondered why? My parents rarely argued and were the type to hold hands on the couch and I was always walking in on them kissing. Unfortunately at age 15 my dad cheated, confessed 3days later and my mum threw him out.

I ponder all the time why girls hold onto boyfriends we hen they treat them appallingly why is it an enmass response?

This article goes someway to given me an explanation.

I did something not too long ago (certainly can't blame it on youth) that I didnt want to do. Accept I didn't turn it into words in my head, is, I didn't vocalise it even to myself, if that makes sense? It was just a feeling that I had but didn't improve on. I wasn't coerced or pressured in any way. I wasn't even asked, he just did something to indicate what he wanted me to do and I did it.

I think, reading that article that I have internalised the ....insert...bitch mantra.
When you believe it to seem reasonable, you don't feel you can say no.

It's pretty frightening for me to realise OK'm this pre-programmed. Iyswim?

Is this making sense?

OP posts:
benid · 28/11/2013 12:42

awesome - thanks

SunshineSuperNova · 28/11/2013 12:14

Another thanks from me for posting the article OP. It's powerful and somewhat scary.

I grew up in a violent household, which has given me some serious boundary issues. No huge surprise I went on to marry an abusive man...

projectbabyweight · 28/11/2013 11:52

Brilliant article, thanks OP.

Mishmashofstyles · 28/11/2013 02:32

I've read that blog post before. It is very true, about how women are told not to make a fuss or have boundaries / opinions.

SplitHeadGirl · 27/11/2013 22:42

A helluva lot of men are attention-seekers.

meditrina · 27/11/2013 22:33

2 posts about OP. 12 posts about another poster.

It must be very rewarding, if you seek that sort of attention.

SunshineSuperNova · 27/11/2013 22:32

Man? More of a boy...

BasilBabyEater · 27/11/2013 22:30

Short for Jesse I expect.
As in Jesse, rod of something or other in the bible and Jesse James, shot in the back by wicked traitor and portrayed with beard by Brad Pitt (in film I still haven't seen)

SplitHeadGirl · 27/11/2013 22:24

Jess, why do you choose a woman's name when you are obviously a man? Confused

BasilBabyEater · 27/11/2013 22:21

jess, on mumsnet we have a tradition of trolls being entertaining.

I'm afraid you're not living up to it.

EarthMither · 27/11/2013 22:17

It's vernacular language, you thicko. Get to bed like a good lad now.

Blistory · 27/11/2013 22:16

Aw, Jess, you're not even trying to make this entertaining.

jess400 · 27/11/2013 22:15

You do not know my age so thanks for dropping the pleasantries as requested. I notice you haven't denied my argument, so enjoy staying up late under the rule of a dictator. The reason I say late is because i don't know your age, so i can make exactly the same accusation about you.I suspect it's past your bedtime, earthmither. Does your Mum know you're still up this late on a school night? mIther? Really?

CaptChaos · 27/11/2013 22:12

Logic is a wonderful thing.

It most assuredly is. You should perhaps try it sometime. Or coherence.

I have a sneaky suspicion that the MRAs are bored and are doing their, 'let's go and annoy the grown-ups' thing.

You'd think they'd be more inclined to organise fund-raising for male cancers, lobby for male DV shelters or something useful, but no! It's let's go and sneer at the feminists, because women have to sort their problems out for them.

Original poster
enlightenmequick · 27/11/2013 22:11

I have another link I could post it's called 'derailing for dummies'

OP posts:
Blistory · 27/11/2013 22:10

Nah, Jess, it's got nothing to do with politeness, it's about maturity.

EarthMither · 27/11/2013 22:08

I suspect it's past your bedtime, jess400. Does your Mum know you're still up this late on a school night?

jess400 · 27/11/2013 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Mishmashofstyles · 27/11/2013 22:04

Is jess400 doing some kind of rap?

SplitHeadGirl · 27/11/2013 21:53

Jess reminds me of that old joke....'Are there any women on the internet???'

BasilBabyEater · 27/11/2013 21:49

jess are you in the right place? It sounds like you were looking for a voice for men and somehow did a wrong turn.

You do realise that this is a board where we like to analyse stuff? Not just post moronic things about people's mediocre lives? It really doesn't sound like you'd feel at home here.

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