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Original poster

Age of consent/average age to loose virginity, feminist issue?

136 replies

misspontypine · 05/11/2013 21:20

I don't venture over to the feminism topics often, please excuse me if I am asking an inapropriate question.

I have recently been reading a few threads on AIBU that talk about age of consent/average age for young people to have sex.

My mum brought me up in a feminist enviroment(sinle mother, no dresses, no barbie (or girls toys/boys toys), lots of positive talk about the power of having periods/fertility/babies me and my brother were allways treated exactly the same)

I was allowed to have my long term boyfriend sleep over in my bed when I was 13/14 years old. We decided to have sex a week before I turned 15. I feel like from a feminist perspective it was right to empower me to be able to make my own sexual decisions.

I was taught that my opinin was very important, no ment no, sexuality was not something to be ashamed off, as a woman you have huge power becuase you are ultimatly in controll of contraception and if any children are born (through unprotected sex or protected sex) you as a woman have autoatic right over those children (it was the 90s.)

Is it right to tell young women (or men) to wait untill they are 16 to have sex despite people reaching sexual maturity at all different ages?

OP posts:
ITCouldBeWorse · 05/11/2013 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlexaChelsea · 05/11/2013 21:54

freya feel free to google it. Close in age relationships aren't exempt, but less likely to get prosecuted. But they could be.

There was a case recently where a girl was prosecuted for sleeping with her girlfriend - I think they were 15 and 18. The parents of the younger girl pushed for prosecution.

I had sex at 14. Some people are more mature, some are in 'love' and ready to make that commitment. Some aren't. Putting an age limit on it is restrictive and pointless.

You might this it's the wrong decision, but who are you to decide what other people want to do? Or feel ready for? Pregnancy and STD's are only a risk if they haven't been properly educated, hence sexual education is vital.

WorraLiberty · 05/11/2013 21:52

You.were.a.child

A 13yr old girl Sad

Two children, trusted to get putting a condom on right in the possible throws of passion?

And don't even start me on what the hell she was thinking allowing you both in the same bed to begin with.

"Mummy, can I have my boyfriend to stay and possibly have sex tonight?"

"No darling"

"Why not Mummy?"

Err...because you're a 13 year old child that's why...

freyasnow · 05/11/2013 21:51

I don't think it is a natural instinct for a 14 year old girl to want to have sex. How is it natural?

freyasnow · 05/11/2013 21:48

I think this thread has immediately gone into two actual issues. One is the law, and it is written into the law that it is not intended to criminalise close in age relationships - 15 and 17 for example. I have no idea what the difference is between indecent and sexual assault. Is there a link to these laws? I don't understand how intercourse with a child is sexual assault anyway. Surely it is rape?

As for the OP's actual question, there are loads of issues with this. The first be why would a 14 year old want to have penetrative sex? How can that decision be made without your mum talking to you about compulsory heteronormativity and why penetrative sex is viewed as the norm?

I think it is the wrong decision for anyone who is of an age (certainly under 17) where pregnancy carries much higher physiological risks because their body hasn't finished developing, for them to have PIV sex unless they have a very good reason for doing so. How are you empowered by that?

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 05/11/2013 21:47

I think your mother was very, very misguided. I don't call that feminism, I call that reckless parenting.

Original poster
misspontypine · 05/11/2013 21:45

I wasn't taking contraception but I had condoms in my room.

I felt like being allowed to have my boyfriend sleep in my room made sex much less taboo.

I think that accepting that wanting to have sex is a natural instinct and giving your daughter the power to choose when she does or doesn't have sex sends a much more powerful message than "no sex until your 16, why? Because tge law says so"

OP posts:
Branleuse · 05/11/2013 21:33

I like your mums approach tbh

WorraLiberty · 05/11/2013 21:33

Your Mum allowed your boyfriend to sleep in your bed when you were a 13 year old child?

Were you taking contraception at that time?

What if you'd both decided there and then to have sex?

AlexaChelsea · 05/11/2013 21:28

If the boy is over 16 and the girl is under, is it sexual assault.

If the girl is over 16 and the boy is under, it is indecent assault.

I don't agreed with the differentiation

AlexaChelsea · 05/11/2013 21:24

I think it is right to have a legal age of consent, for child protection reasons.

I think it falls down when the male is held accountable for sleeping with an underage girl, when she consented. Because, by the law, she can't consent when under 16, therefore he is guilty.

And that's not fair. Unless the male is considerably older.

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