Age of consent/average age to loose virginity, feminist issue?

Ugh

Indeed. 16 is entirely arbitrary. I would lower the age of consent to 14. Too many parents in the UK want to assume teenagers are non sexual beings.

And one other point - if you got 50 14 year old boys or girls in a room, they would be at all sorts of levels of physical and mental maturity. So to say that "no one wants sex at 14" is a tad naive, because some obviously do!

We made sure our eldest son had condoms available and knew how to use them from around 14 - because he was starting to get very interested in girls. Not to encourage him to have sex, but to make sure that if he did he wasn't going to end up ruining his & another kids lives by getting her pregnant.

I do think that some of you who are expecting your kids to wait 'till they're 16 "'cos its the law, innit" may well be unpleasantly surprised at some stage!!

When I was 14 or thereabouts I thought I wanted to try alcohol, smoking, sex, driving a car, having a baby etc

All that grown up stuff

Doesn't make it right. And yes, there does have to be an "objective" line in the sand, to protect immature teenagers who think they know everything about the world but they really do not

16 is a decent line, IMO. It's an arbitrary one, for sure, but if it's going to be moved I would personally prefer up rather than down

Is it really so weird to want sex at that age??? I was bloody gagging for it for at least a couple of years before I did it.

Sex only being ok at 16+ is purely a cultural specific norm. Its not because its objectively right or wrong

I believe the age of consent in the Netherlands is 12, with similar range of age at first sex to the UK. And the Netherlands has very low rates of teen pregnancy, STIs, etc. So there's an argument that a lower age of consent might result in less furtiveness of teenagers around sex leading in turn to more active use of contraception, discussing relationships with parents, and generally more responsible sex.

I don't think it would though, unless the UK first got to a sexual culture more like the Netherlands, with open discussion of sex and sexual education and good relationship education from early ages, instead of education being mainly from rumours and the internet and the kids generally being drunk when they get it together.

There was also an argument for lowering the AOC when anyone (but in practice generally boys/young men having sex with slightly younger boyfriends) over the AOC got put on the Sex Offenders Register if their partner was below the AOC and authorities found out, usually dobbed in by upset parents - made sense when the same-sex AOC was 21, but not really appropriate now, especially with guidance not to prosecute consensual relationships with only a small age gap.

'I now live in a country where the age limit for sex is 15, many young people stay over at their boyfriend/girlfriend's house. Strangely the teenage pregnancy rate is much lower than the UK.'

It isn't strange at all. The UK has a very high teen pregnancy rate. Most developed countries, whether they have a lower, higher or same age of consent as the UK have a lower teen pregnancy rate.

The average age of losing virginity is over 16 in Sweden, so you would still be exceptionally young by Swedish standards, and indeed the standards of every other developed nation. The British, on average, actually lose their virginity earlier than most other nations, including the developed ones.

You seem to still be buying into the idea that women have some kind of 'natural urge' as you put it for penetration which they should pursue at a young age, but presumably you feel they shouldn't follow the 'natural urge' to have a baby. That's convenient for men then.

I'm not sure what you want from this thread. You seem convinced that it is somehow feminist to not tell girls to wait until 16 to have sex, but you haven't given any actual benefit of not giving them that advice. Plenty of people have answered your question and explained why there are benefits to waiting and why most responsible adults give that advice.

WhatTheFox: just to clarify from your last point about boys waiting.

I also think boys having sex at 13,14,15 are also children playing at being adults.

And I think very few 16 year olds are mature enough to deal with the possible consequences of sex, whether it is a proper relationship, an unplanned pregnancy or an abortion.

When you have decades ahead of you to have sex, the haste to pretend you are grown up in your early and mid teens is ludicrous.

What's the rush?

Sorry, that was meant to be in bold. Don't know what happened there.

*I don't buy this crap about some girls being more mature so ready for sex.

The genuinely mature girls are the ones who know that sex is best kept for those who are emotionally and mentally mature, not just the ones who happen to have periods and some burgeoning hormones.

There is nothing matter about having sex at 13, 14, 15. It is simply a child playing at being an adult.

The really mature ones understand that there is a time in life for childhood, a time for learning and a time for sex and they understand what is appropriate at what age.*

I'm not sure about that. I lost my virginity when I was 15. I felt ready for it and I didn't regret it then and I don't regret it now. Even looking back now, I still feel that was the right time and that I was ready. Sure, I could have waited three months until I turned 16 but what difference would that have made? I wouldn't suddenly become more mature just because I waited until my 16th birthday. Even a lot of 16 year olds don't feel ready for sex. I think having the AOC be 16 is fne however I think there should be some wriggle room on either side.

And why is it just girls who have to wait? Are boys allowed to do it whenever they want just because sex is seen as some right of passage for males? Not the girls though...the girls have to wait, if they don't then they're stupid

I think it falls down when the male is held accountable for sleeping with an underage girl, when she consented. Because, by the law, she can't consent when under 16, therefore he is guilty.

AOC applies to both males and females.

The law on sex fact sheet

miss there are different issues on here.
I would agree that the way you have been brought up did have an influence on how empowered you have been feeling and how you handle the situation. I do agree that choosing to have sex with someone the same age is much better than doing it because you feel you ought to (peer pressure and all that).

However, I am sure you will agree that not all children are brought up like this (I am pretty the friend you are referring to wasn't). And that some children are struggling to deal with peer pressure, whether they are 13, 15 or 17yo. They aren't mature enough to take that sort of decisions, don't realize the real consequences etc... You just have to see all the misconceptions teenagers have around sex, pg and STIs.
Hence the need to have some law to protect the youngest ones.

Which country?

Dresses limit climbing and playing far less than some other outfits...like jeans for example.

I don't think not buying you dresses is here or there really.

How is 'no dresses' being a feminist? I realise the thread has been somewhat derailed by the underage sex and FWIW I will encourage my children to keep away from sex until they and their partners are above the age of consent. For some reason my children seem to have a respect for laws and have no desire to take risks of any sort. I think the feminist thing would be to educate your daughter that it's OK to say no and why she might want to say no - also your son, but then I'm all for equal rights and some of the 'feminism' I see on here is anything but that.

Exactly when I totally agree. Responsibility for contraception and having the consequences of unplanned pregnancy fall largely on a girl child in a disproportionate manner is not power.

Agree Freya. I would see a feminist approach to sexual behaviour for teenagers to be:

1. Explaining about heteronormativity
2. Explaining that all kinds of sex are valid sex should not equal PIV
3. That the concept of virginity is a rubbish patriarchial concept
4. And the risks of PIV

Obviously plus all the usual stuff any decent parent should be saying.

Misspontypine, you haven't explained why you wanted to have penetrative sex at 14. With all the condoms around and so on, were you brought up to believe that heterosexual sex is mostly about penetration, and that naturally all heterosexual women will have an urge to be penetrated, and some people have this natural urge earlier than others?

Because that definitely is not feminism.

I think countries with a 13 or 14 age of consent often have "age difference" rules too.

By advocating ignoring the age of consent, or campaigning for it to be lowered, that is exactly what would happen. So whether or not anyone "means" to give agency to predatory older men (and I don't actually think Alexa is, nor did I say so) the outcome would remain the same.

be very careful what you wish for.

Mist, I don't think that Alexa is making any argument about giving agency to older men having sex with 12-14 year olds.

CPS guidelines

The guidelines state that those who are underage but of similar age who are mutually agreeing to sexual activity are unlikely to be prosecuted.