Why would you be proud to be married?

Yes, Sigmund.

'No, they don't. Not as a rule.'

I don't really see how you could know that, unless you're only talking about the men you know.

I'm proud to be married because it reflects my commitment to my husband, that I can, am able and want to spend the rest of my life with him. It reflects my ability to find someone who thinks I'm worth spending the rest of their life with. It reflects my ability to make a good choice when people meet my lovely husband; shows I can be trusted with important decisions. And I'm proud because I do think finding someone special is an achievement that I have achieved.

Now that's not to say someone else who has been together equally as long cannot feel all the things I feel above. They absolutely can, without a ring and a ceremony to 'prove' it. But my way of reflecting how strongly I feel about my husband was to marry him. Other people may want to show their feelings and commitment in different ways. My husband doesn't buy me flowers but demonstrates his love in different ways; so people can demonstrate their feelings in different ways. Mine it to be married and to be proud of my decision.

I wouldn't say I was proud to be married but there is also nothing to be ashamed of in being a feminist and married, or indeed, I would argue, changing your name.

Do men speak of being proud to be married?

No, they don't. Not as a rule.

There may be a difference, but it is a very pedantic one and would have been easily qualified by ASKING me what I meant, rather than assuming what I mean.

Well in my case Dad, I was very happy single and then met a man who made my happiness beyond measure.

I know I can be happy and content single. However, I could not be more proud to be married to this wonderful man.

It's pretty simple, if you don't understand why people get married and are proud to be committed in this way, then don't get married....

Single women who choose to be single are the happiest group of women.

So why not choose to be single again yourself and so be even happier than you are now?

(legal protection when children come along, I mean, not legal protection for me....sheesh...)

I'm not proud to be married; in fact, at the time I married, I was almost immune to the notion of the patriarchy because life was nice, I was working in a job where I had equal rights and equal pay, and I had an extraordinary amount of freedom. I realised marriage meant legal protection and also cemented a commitment and I was happy for both of those (although the commitment was already there tbh).

Fast forward fifteen years and you can bet the scales fell from my eyes pretty much the moment I got pregnant; since then I've learned a lot that I didn't learn when younger because I was unchallenged. I would actually prefer not to be married (but still to be committed to the same person).

I had a friend many years ago whose life goal was to get married: seriously, it was the culmination of her dreams to have found a lovely man and done the whole wedding thing. Very depressing to hear an independent woman say that she supposed all women would see their wedding day as the best of their lives, a proud achievement etc. I do not understand.

I'm proud I have a relationship with a person who is not 'family' that has survived the ups and downs of 27 years. Relationships and harmony are important to me.

I'm proud of our communication skills and enduring love and affection for each other.
I hold my dp in high regard, and he loves and respects me too. We are very different people, from different cultures, so it's been a challenge and sometimes we've had a steep learning curve, and I'm glad we've both decided to invest the time and work together, while respecting the differences we have.
It's been a very enlightening and learning experience for me, and him.

I'm proud we have worked at our relationship- the fact that we've also signed a document to say legally we are married is not very important imvho.

I'm taken seriously on my own merits at work, not because i have 'snagged' a dh, I use my maiden name as my degrees, professional qualifications and memberships etc are all in that name, and I never changed it.
Our dcs have both our names.

No, the reason are picking you up on it is that you say it is the correct terminology to use. Not a correct terminology to use. There is a difference.

There is this weird culture on here where by if someone says 'I use this because it is correct' everyone immediately says 'Oh then you MUST be saying that everything else in the world is INCORRECT'

No, if I wanted to say everything else in the world was incorrect, thats what I would say.

I am a Mrs, I am a Mrs because I am married, therefore it is the correct terminology for me to use (on forms and such like) when I got married I became a Mrs.

Of course you can use Mrs, I do and can't abide Ms.
I have been a single parent and, regardless of any statistics, I am much happier being married.
I can't see why women need to make themselves into victims. For a start you do not need to get married, ever. If you do then arrange it the way that you want to run it.
People are so literal as if a tradition of 'giving away' means anything. I had lived on my own for years before my wedding and so could hardly be 'given away' but I would have loved my father to be alive to have had that special father/daughter moment. He was a huge gap at my wedding.
You can make speeches at your wedding if you want to , who on earth would stop you? . Since a present survey says that most people fear public speaking more than death I can only conclude that most people wouldn't choose to!
You can have a wedding without any special clothes, meals, guests,etc. you can even have a wedding with your own words.You do not have o be 'given away', you can make a speech. It is up to you.
You can make sure that your marriage, far more important than your wedding, is conducted the way that you want. Discuss is all beforehand and stick to it. Don't marry someone who can't cook, clean bathrooms etc. live with them first and find out.
I can't see that the fact that you married is anything to be proud of, but I am proud that we have been very happily married for 25 yrs and hope to carry on for another 25 yrs.

Why aren't you "allowed" to use Mrs? Says who? You can use any title you want.

I'm not "proud to be married". But I am proud of my marriage. Dh and I both come from extremely dysfunctional back grounds with our parents having very unhealthy relationships.

I am proud we've worked through everything and worked hard through deaths and moving countries and negotiating foreign languages and infertility and then 2 children in quick succession (and a third pregnancy now).

Plinkyplonks, the website you linked to with research showing how happy married women are is a business website run by a 'dating coach', whose target audience are college educated women in their 30s. May I suggest that it is in his best interest, and in the interest of his bank account, to convince his target market that marriage is bliss? A very good example of heteromonogamous propaganda SGB wrote about, particularly in the light of a spectacularly high divorce initiation rate by that particular demographic.

Just wanted to add that if women were so happy in marriages, they probably would not initiate around 70% of divorces in this country. Apparently, among university educated couples in the US, the percentage is closer to 90%.

Even if your own subjective experience of marriage is a positive one, there is no denying that for a lot of women it is a bit of a shit deal.

Todger I didn't realise you can't use Mrs Could you just use it anyway?

Congrats anyhow

I am proud to be in a civil partnership and I will be similarly proud to be married when the law becomes official in the summer.

It does feel like an achievement, like becoming a parent is too, but maybe I am only proud of it because it was previously unattainable for me, iyswim.

When we marry, we will walk down the aisle together again as equals. I don't feel that I am buying into this patriarchal system by getting married as there are no historical expectations on us or 'boxes' for us to fit into as we are equals from the beginning.

I'm a Ms. I am not allowed to use Mrs. When I am married, I will still be a Ms as I hate the fact that women have different titles if they are married or single. Even though, I am proud of being married.

Grennie You keep making sweeping statements that have no basis.

I don't know what media you have seen but I am not aware of things in the media that say single women are unhappy and lonely. This view also contradicts your earlier post that stated:

Virtually all surveys show married women are lest happy than single women. Single women who choose to be single are the happiest group of women.

Presumably these surveys were in the media .

I am confused.

Grennie. I do not agree that nearly all surveys show that married women are less happy than single women. I thought it was the other way around and I am pretty sure that married people live longer.

Not really sure what that's got to do with feminism though

There is absolutely nothing wrong in choosing to not get married or to stay single but to say getting married is not compatible with feminism is wrong.

You and I are both in long term happy relationships - the fact that I am married and you are not means NOTHING. It doesn't matter one jot.

Women can be in bad relationships regardless of whether or not they are married.