Oh FFS. I am so sick of the gender invisibilisation that is going on around Jeremy Hunt's call for families to look after elders

Yes, I think you are right Basil.

However, YABU (I know this isn't AIBU) for listening to Jeremy Vine. What on earth possessed you?

I don't know what will happen in my family because the likeliest out of the four of us children to care for our parents was my younger brother. Sadly he died though. I generally resist gendered expectations.

Nobody mentioned carer stress which is a huge issue, or a capping of the help you can receive from adult services or the fact that having small children and elderly relatives to care for is hugely difficult.
And what if you actually don't get on with the elderly relative. They/ we are not all destined to be sweet little old men or women.
How about if the elderly person abused you as a child??
The circumstances are endless but the programme just focused on people being selfish if they didnt take an elderly parent it, far too simpistic and such views are likely to cause great guilt to many who for whatever reason have given up or not gone down this route.

I think you have a point, OP.

I have no doubt that I'll be doing more than my brother to help our parents as they get older (both in good health at the moment).

However, part (although not all) of the reason for this is that they have been incredibly helpful and supportive to me in recent years when I have been looking after small children. So, when the time comes, I will be glad to return the favour. They've never helped my brother as much (because his PILs are very involved - also for geographical reasons).

That's not exactly a sexist thing is it?

Often older people fiercely resist living with their children however they still clearly need help and it can result in their children spending half their lives travelling to take care of them, neglecting themselves and their own families.

I used to work with carers and can say that men made up, roughly 25-30% of carers so I would agree that this is a gendered issue.

I think that's a bit unfair, I have a male friend who is very involved in the care of his mother and my Dad did loads to make sure his MIL could stay in her own home.

I think the bigger issue is that "elders" don't necessarily want looking after by their families. It was mentioned this morning, that elderly people living with their families are among the loneliest in our society.

My Grandmother absolutely resisted living with one of her 3 children on the basis that she would be stuck in the house all day, away from her friends and would see no-one outside the familiy. She preferred to go into a home near where she had raised her children and still had many friends. They (and their children where they had stayed local) visited often and she was able to continue a lot of her social life, including charity work, even after she could no longer live independently.

I agree. I wonder if Jeremy hunt would be prepared to give up his job to care for an elderly parent.