Oh FFS. I am so sick of the gender invisibilisation that is going on around Jeremy Hunt's call for families to look after elders

Margaret Forster's "Have the men had enough" is brilliant on the gender and care issue.

I can imagine as per Phaser's post that there are quite a few men caring for their spouses - in that situation there would often simply not be anyone else to do it, particularly if children are far away. But men simply do not tend to take on the burden of elder care. That is for women - the daughters or even the daughters in law. And why would they? It's unacknowledged work. Not like being a Cabinet Minister.

BasilBabyEater it's a phrase meaning to give meaningless, flattering praise. It's thought to come from the old practise of giving tobacco smoke enemas.

I'll break a taboo in this discussion, and provide some facts and stats;

www.carersuk.org/newsroom/stats-and-facts

In the UK, 58 per cent of carers are women, 42 per cent men. An imbalance, yes, but grossly disproportional? Any comments?

Jeremy Hunt is one of the worst features of this government. He makes pronouncements about things he has no experience of (today's pontificating, for example), throws out his views as if his ill-thought through opinions are all that is needed to construct policy around complex issues (abortion) and has very poor judgement (his dealings with Sky).

I actually find it preferable if it's talked about as a family responsibility rather than a women's responsibility, if only to break through the stereotype.

For the same reason it pisses me off when childcare issues are talked about as women's issues - yes, realistically women are affected disproportionately. One way of addressing that is stopping to assume that childcare (or elderly care) is a woman's duty only.

Well, with my grandma, it's the grandson (me) doing most of the time. Turns out that being self-employed with a big chunk of my work I can do while she naps I can be around most of the time.

Plus with her dementia, me being able to remember stuff from when I was her first-ever grandchild and we had loads of in-jokes between us helps keep her calm.

Seemed the most sensible way to go about it when Granddad died a few months back, and so I cracked on. Because, well, it's Grandma. Nearest thing to a mum I ever had. (Long story)

When I'm off-shift (I've two sisters, my mother, and an uncle who share the time I'm not there) and mention why I'm not out and about as much I don't half get a load of smoke blown up my arse over it. Can't help thinking if I was a girl it'd be taken for granted.

I agree that men often care for their female partners, and in this process assume many/all of the traditional female roles inside the house. When it comes to inter-generational care, however, things are much more imbalanced.

But this is beside the point. I was incandescent with rage today after I read Jeremy Hunt's opus in the Guardian. I just cannot believe that a man with so little knowledge about basic things actually made it to a high position in government. We are being governed by muppets.

Spouses often care for each other, including a husband looking after a wife. But men seem to rarely be the ones doing most of the care for elderly parents - especially if he has a sister.

Kim, please don't spoil the narrative. Perhaps it marks you out as a 'weakhead', whatever that is.

Well said, OP. In Asian families where care within the home is the norm, it is almost always the duty of the women of the family, not the men, so when someone says 'we should all be like Asian families!!!' they should realize that they are trying to push the burden of care onto women's shoulders. For two successful professional men, debating care in the home is hypothetical as it is extremely unlikely that either of them will end up being unpaid carers. Their wives or sisters might though.

Also, we've been there before. In Western societies it was also the norm to have women take care of elderly parents. Then society changed, women started working more outside of the home, families got smaller so there were fewer children to share the care with and so we set up care homes and nursing facilities. It suits our society as it is and suits the position of women in our society.

Men have no intention of doing the actual work - they blithely know they won't have to do it, because the automatic assumption is that women will do it.

Well, my mum only has me and my brother, so that's her fucked. Serves her right, I suppose.

I agree, very much.

Reminds me of slamming of parents when things go wrong, ie. 'mothers'.

In my personal experience it's the women who run run run to care for elderly sick relations and also help with the younger family members too. It's expected from the women that they will do this, and handily for the men as they also expect it too.

Trying to remove the gender from the discussion is missing a huge elephant in the room. It's a very gendered issue, sadly.

Its a gendered issue. Its also a class issue - obviously caring is always hard and relentless, but if you're already struggling in minimum wages jobs / out of work it adds yet another layer.

Basically, he's a rich Tory bloke and he hasn't got a fucking clue

I totally agree OP. And I could bet my savings that DB will not step forward to help if our parents need it.

I'm already a carer to my husband who has MS.

I agree this is a gendered issue. I have various friends with an elderly parent and it is always the daughter, not the brother, who seems to do the bulk of the care.

So many families rely on 2 incomes. Jeremy is relying on the outdated view that a woman can give up her paid jonb and look after elderly parents instead. Rememnber, these days people rarely go into homes unless they need care throughout the day.

I worked for a while on Elderly Care wards within a mental health hospital.

On the one hand, I wholeheartedly agree that we as a society and not just as women should take better care of our elders. However, does Jeremy Hunt suggest how we deal with the huge number of cases of elder abuse? The lack of support given to women carers who are caring for very frail or very demented relatives? The way elders are fobbed off when accessing medical care (a 7 hour wait for an X-ray with a broken wrist, anyone)?

I looked after my DGPs while they were in their last illnesses and I don't regret a second of it, however, I know that I will be expected to do the same with my mother, a woman who made my childhood awful and who still belittles me to this day, because my DB wouldn't even consider it as 'his' responsibility. Cowardly as it sounds, we are actually looking at emigrating in order to not have to do it.

Hear hear

Jh parents must be heading towards elderly - is he caring for them?

Yes, reminds me of some environmenatlist who gave me the rage who said 'we' should be using cloth nappies instead of disposables. All v worthy but who'll be up to their elbows in shit? Clue not him.