I am completely and utterly beautiful, body wise.

Penguins its not about wearing battle-scars proudly or finding other things to be happy about. While that 'thought-space' would work for anyone it probably has a valid basis for perhaps 25 percent of women at worst, for the vast bulk it should be about coming to a self realisation your not even half as badly scared in the eyes of others as you are in your own. Its coming to understand that the balance of probability is you are your own worst critic, no 'dictated by outside forces' needed as TheBookofRuth wrote, just you in your own imperfect gaze of yourself.

Penguins, women like PumpkinGuts who will not walk past their husbands naked, others who make sure the lights are off at night before they undress, some uncomfortable to sleep naked next to their lovers, they are unlikely to be able to get past all that by being distracted or comforted/empowered by ideas that 'my body is a ruin but I glory in the children I brought forth from it'. Nobody deserves to lose sexiness to motherhood. Some do, but most think they have lost something they have simply lost sight of.

My wife went through a stage where she did not want to be seen naked by me, and it took me a while to cotton on it was happening. It left me utterly stunned she could come to think about herself that way. Having birthed and breast fed our kids, over 40 and very much into plus size territory she had arrived at a point where she had come to doubt her own desirability.

Worst part as her husband my opinions of her sexiness meant very little to her. I was in a version of the 'trolls dilemma' (two people compliment a woman on her beauty using the same words, one a handsome younger man and the other an ugly old troll. The woman is very flattered by the compliments of the younger man but not by the same compliments from the old troll). In other words people value and appreciate others opinions only when they extend authority to them that their opinion has worth in the context they offer it. In my case my opinion that she was hot and sexy had no broad basis for her, because although she believed that was how I genuinely felt she dismissed it as being an abstracted thing that sprang from my love for her.

It frustrated the hell out of me because I am more than capable of telling the difference between a woman I would make love to because I loved her and a woman I (and I know other men) would want to f from sunset to sunrise because she oozed sexiness.

I had my first ever moment of this a few months ago. I was lying down and relaxed for the first time in a loooooong time and the thought just popped into my head "I love my body". And I can't ever remember thinking that before.

But I do, I love my body. It works hard for me.

Thanks for this thread. I'm working on accepting my body exactly as it is, flaws and all, and this will help me.

Oh Pumpkin, I'm sorry if this upset you, tbat wasnt my intention at all.

reality please don't think you have upset me, I genuinely meant it that I think it is lovely people can look at themselves and be content or even pleased. It just seemed ironic as I nearly posted the exact opposite. It's not this thread that makes me sad just been down on myself looks quite a lot lately

I do hope one day to have that but there is always an "if"

If I lose weight, if I lose the stretch marks, if if if.

Anyway sorry for making this about me!

Pumpkin, I'm certainly not body-confident, nor do I love my body as it is all of the time. But I have moments. Moments when I am at peace with my body, my appearance, how it feels from within. And at peace with the difference between how it feels from within and how it looks from outside. Sometimes even moments of happiness and love.

But that's what they are, moments. Plenty of times when I hide from view, too.

Find one tiny goodness and celebrate it. Just think...there are some little people who adore you and know that you are beautiful, soft, strong, sweet-smelling. That the feel of your skin against theirs is probably the most comforting, loving thing they know.

this is a lovely thread.

am a bit cross with mine at the mo but this has helped me regain perspective

I like my body when i am looking after it. I go through phases of exercising well and eating ok. I swim for 30 mins on a friday when the kids are having lessons and I love how my body cuts and glides through the water and can feel it toning and getting stronger. I love how my body looks through my partners eyes, how a glimpse of it can excite him still. I love how my children get so much comfort from it, its warmth, softness and fdamiliar smells. I love how it feels when I am in control of it and not dependent on external substances to feel good. I love my scars, stretch marks, burns as they all have a story to tell. I need to pay more attention to my body, inhabit it a bit better, listen to it a bit more attentively, respect its functionality and mind it four when I am older.

*oh and for the record I do let the dc see me naked and don't let on in front of them how I feel about myself.. that wouldn't be fair.

Ha :(

I nearly started a thread this morning titled "wouldn't it be great to be a naked toddler"

I was watching dd and ds run butt nekid through the house with not a care in the world about their legs or their bellies. And I can barely look in to a mirror with out crying. Dh has never seen me walk past him naked.

Lovely to think others haven't got this problem though..just a bit sad for myself.

I was at a really interesting talk on body image last week.

There were a few things that stood out for me. The first was what you were talking about on this thread. Thinking about your body for what it can do, not just how it looks. Not analysing it as a piece of meat with good bits and bad bits. But thinking, as people on this thread have said "This body can birth children. This body is meet the physical demands of looking after young children. This body gives my husband a hug after a long day...."

Without wanting to rain on the parade, it also got me thinking about the importance of not focusing on what we can see, whether that is acceptance of the body or otherwise. Lionel Shriver was talking about how, when we see a friend, we say "Nice to see you" and we mean the person. It is nice to see the person. We don't mean "nice to see your physical attributes". And maybe we ought to learn to look at ourselves that way.

She also talked about how self improvement used to mean learning french, doing cordon bleu cookery. And now it always, always means heading to the gym or some other aspect of our physical body. That really struck me. That shift.

From reading the title I was about to get ANGRY! Why should I have to have a beautiful body? Why can't I just be me, unjudged? But I read the OP before flaming, and I'm glad I did. Because, of course, I agree. It's just a different way of expressing the same sentiments.

I moved into a house with wall-to-wall-floor-to-ceiling mirrors in the bedroom. Urgh. Before I look at my naked self in the mirror, I want the chance to suck tummy in, shoulders back, head up. The last thing I want is to open the ensuite door and get an eyeful of that. Shudder.

But one morning I walked out of the ensuite, naked, obese, and 6m pregnant with dc3 - so stretchmarked up to my neck as well - and got such a wonderful surprise. I looked just like the ancient standard of beauty: I looked like an idol of Astoreth, the goddess of fertility and good fortune. Pear-shaped, with big belly, thighs and big saggy bust. Astoreth, who was worshipped by women, not just by randy men.

Changed my view of myself.

I was 17 when i had my son, I had comments thrown at me about losing my body before I even got started but i refuse to feel I have missed out.

I have created a wonderful,kind,loving DS who makes me proud everyday.

My body allows me to jump crawl out of bed every single day and spend time with my son. As long as I am alive i am grateful for another day.

Life really is too short.

I am more "in love" with my body in my 40's then when I was in my 20's. My long legs were an inconvenience back then and made me stand out (which I hated), now I use my height to my advantage.

My lack of curves when all my friends were womanly and voluptuous (and about a foot shorter than me ) is a big plus point as I eat what I like and never put on weight. They also got a lot of unwelcome attention from men for how they looked while I got mistaken for a boy from behind

When I was pg I sailed through it (apart from early sickness) and was still shaving my legs and tieing my shoelaces right to the end, put only about a stone on and lost it when baby was born.

My body needed a bit of help to conceive (and stay past the first few weeks) but once done, it took over the job with utter perfection and hasn't let me down since.

I stay fit doing my job and often get incredulous comments when I mention my age.

I love my body (and what it is capable of)

Have spent years hating my body and am only just starting to have these 'moments'. Am looking after myself and feel optimistic. The OP made me cry a little. So does the Tim Minchin song about 'This is my body...'

Fantastic thread! Thank you OP.

I'm almost 4 weeks post EMCS, plus an extra 2+ hours abdominal surgery, so I'm not loving how my body looks at the moment, and I'm not loving feeling a bit weak while I heal up. But fuck me am I proud of it! I was full of scar tissue, but my body still managed to make and carry another baby, and do it's best to get her safely in to the world. Despite the pounding it got during the op, I've still bounced back really quickly. I'm amazed at my body's resilience. As for my stretch marks, I love them! I will be flaunting them in a bikini next summer.

This is very strange as I did exactly the same thing this morning. I looked at my shape and thought bloody hell, you look better than you ever have! Stretch marks, scars, tattoos etc all included

Wonderful post :)

Hear hear (or is it here here, I'm still not completely sure) but anyway.
I concur!

Me too :)

Having children did this for me. I guess it looks worse than before, but I am blown away that I grew children and gave birth to them and breastfed them. I did that! I'm so proud of myself and my body. I love it now where I used to be very self conscious and always dieting. I feel very I am woman hear me roar about it :)

God, I love my body. It's gorgeous. It lets me do wonderful, incredible things.

I get so sad when I read all the threads on here from women who are so full of self-loathing just because their bodies don't fit into a tiny narrow category of "beauty" dictated by outside forces.

I love those moments too we are all beautiful people, inside and out