Lapdancing and telling off dh's mate.

You're right to speak up about that Manchester. He sounds like a twat. That 'white like domestic appliances' is a well-known misogynistic joke

Ignore old Baley's derails - he thinks he's clever. He's not.

It also doesn't sit well with me that OP is looking for a congratulatory pat on the back for being a bit mean to her guest.

She's not. She's thanking fellow women for their help and support over a period of time which has helped her to formulate and articulate her beliefs about a specific subject. She's fairly explicit about that.

It's a real shame that a lot of people are taking from this post how 'mean' the OP is, or how they wouldn't have done the same.

ODFOD

Sab - don't derail by picking up on one phrase

You are right to speak up and, as it is not always easy to speak up, it can be important to come on here and share that experience.

Lapdancing clubs are, of course, sexist for all the excellent resons already mentioned. In addition, men who are already in a relationship are being unfaithful to their partners when they visit lapdancing clubs as they are joining in with a sexual activity with another woman. just because they haven't touched the other woman does not mean that they have not joined in with a sexual activity. If your friend came round to your house while you were out and stripped for your husband and then sat very close to him waving her breasts and genitals in his face and, instead of removing himself from the situation, he simply sat there and enjoyed it - would you consider that he had been unfaithful? Of course.

"being mean to her guest"

Fuxache the tone police are out in force tonight.

Congratulations Manchesterhistorygirl

@buffy
I think the problem is we disagree on the degree of lap dancing being sexist and misogynistic.

I would speak up if someone said women should cover their faces in public (but men don't have to), or women shouldn't be allowed into a golf club, or black people are not as clever as white people or homosexual couples should not be allowed to get married. I think there is clear isms in these instances.

However when I say "speak up" I wouldn't say your views are disgusting, and you are an arse. I'd try and engage in a debate, and even agree to disagree if need be.

I think that's where OP went wrong. Her passion wasn't channeled correctly. Id say the same if the sexes were reversed.

It also doesn't sit well with me that OP is looking for a congratulatory pat on the back for being a bit mean to her guest. After all, he didn't think he did anything wrong, its all above the law, and would probably have left feeling defensive in his views.

Well done op. I do the same if I here anyone talking about going to strip clubs or brothels. I confronted the owner of a strip club near me. I think it is always important to challenge misogyny or any kind of discrimination and inequality whenever you witness it. Maybe it will change some peoples minds and and then their attitudes and actions!

I think the point should always be raised, especially in her own home. I would even raise an opinion about religion to someone of faith. If their faith was sexist, racist, disabalist (not a word), etc

I guess that's one response, samantha. And that would be fine - although, if it was me, I would then exercise my right to end the relationship. Because I don't want to be in relationships with misogynistic idiots who would visit lapdancing clubs as a revenge for my speaking out against them.

'I'm honestly trying to envisage a situation where my wife has a mate over & they're chatting & I wade in calling them a bunch of twats etc. and I can't, honestly, think of a time it'd be acceptable.'

^^this. If DH did this to me I'd be so furious I'd probably visit every lap dance club in town to piss him off. And send him photos.

I agree that calling for 'a bit of tact' is a different kettle of fish from calling the OP abusive (disclaimer: no actual fish were harmed in the writing of this post).

However, the posters like lib, who called her ranty and unreasonable are equally making an attempt to silence the OP imo. Telling women not be ranty, and that she should have said nothing at the time, and raised it with partner later because she embarrassed him is silencing her. It's telling her that her opinion isn't fit to be aired in the presence of her husband/friend. That women should be demure, and gentle, and not entitled to strong opinions, or to call men out on their misogynistic behaviour. And that's not on.

Sab - you are not gaslighting now are you? Or is it a form of goading. Maybe a combo.

There are two derailments on this thread.

I agree that the OPs phrasing was a figure of speech, and if it wasn't, I'll eat my hat. (I won't really, this is a figure of speech too)

Anyone saying otherwise is either a bit silly to take things litterally or is being naughty.

However, people telling OP that she should have acted with a bit more tact, are not saying women should STFU. It is not a sexism issue. The same advice would/should be given to a man who embarrasses himself and his partner by ranting on an issue, thereby silencing debate and creating a mood.

There was a post above about someone using prostitutes. That's different to lap dancing in my opinion in terms of legality. It's up to you where you draw the line of course, but sometimes its better to not say anything, ESP if no one has broken the law.

Well, no, you're not succeeding to gaslight us- because we're not having any of it and can see right through you. (disclaimer - not literally - I can't see you, and even if I could, I'm sure you're not actually transparent).

I wonder if MN would do a gaslighting emoticon

I'm not gaslighting.

£85 mill. We won again in Europe. No bale but a stronger squad

Stop trying to gaslight, baley. It won't work.

Sab - not that. I'm talking about my description of the original post.
I'm so glad bale is injured

No, baley - that isn't what you said. You called her abusive and controlling - that's what we're all arguing against.

Scallop - sorry I meant that's basically what I said ????

Manchesterhistorygirl. Thank you for this thread.

I think what happens on here is brilliant. Lots of us have gained confidence from MN in general (not just FWR) to speak out about things. When women come together and share experiences and stand up for each other and our common values and experiences, it really creates something strong.

And we won't be quiet and be intimidated and be gaslighted and silenced. Strength in numbers.

Work it out for yourself.