Lapdancing and telling off dh's mate.

Yes me too thecatisatwat

See I find 2) more threatening because 1) I associate with (perhaps) a mum shouting without thinking at a teenage daughter who is threatening to get her boyfriend's name tatooed across her arse whereas 2) seems to be a calculated attempt to scare me as a woman.

2. is very specific. 1) could be the last thing you do ..... before we get divorced, before you move into the spare room, anything really, it's that non-specific.

That should say Manchester hasn't, obviously!

I didn't, I read it as something lots of people say when they are irritated and annoyed.
Lots of people say 'i'd murder him/her if she/he did ''whatever'' '

Doesn't mean they're going to do it. It is a figure of speech.

I have never heard anyone say they're going to get a man to come and rape you if you don't do what they want.

Oh FFS. Manchester has threatened to kill anyone. And nor does she want to kill her DH.

People are being deliberately disingenuous here and deliberately derailing.

I do notice how a woman expresses an opinion and observation on someone's behaviour (together with a common figure of speech) and gets called controlling and abusive. A man comes on here and suggests how she should have behaved and that doesn't get picked up at all by the same goady brigade.

As an aside I personally took it as it would be the last thing he did in the context of their marriage i.e. it was a boundary she was setting (but no doubt setting boundaries is controlling and abusive too. After all it wouldn't do for women to actually state what they are happy/unhappy with). But hey ho.

Reeling - I interpreted it as meaning you won't do anything again. Death. So trying to control someone through threatening them.

Ffs. X-post

X-ray post it is a commonly used figure if speech, but its one which minimises dv.

I'm with you YouGot. Telling the friend he's a tosser is fine, saying you won't stay with a partner who goes to a strip club also fine, but joking about murdering your partner is never fine.

Belle - that's cool. You misunderstood me. No probs.

I think you're deliberately misunderstanding the first sentence YouGotBale.
It is a commonly used figure of speech, maybe she meant it would be the last thing he'd do while they remained together, maybe the OP would see it as a deal breaker.
The second sentence doesn't seem to have any relevance to this thread ( to me anyway) and is certainly a much nastier thing to say.

Buffy - ok. Using the thread as the example:

1. If you don't do as I want. It'll be the last thing you do. (I'll murder you).

1. If you don't do as I want. I'll get a man to come and rape you.

I find both very offensive and equally dangerous and controlling. Even if they are said as jokes. I'm interested in your views on these.

I can't speak for Buffy (although others seem to believe they can) but there appears to be a level of deliberate misunderstanding which I construed as goading.

Although if the person concerned is as thick as pigshit it doesn't always work!

I remember an old schoolfriend of Dh coming round a few years back and telling us about a fab holiday he'd had in Thailand and how cheap and good the prostitutes in Bangkok were. I said something along the lines of 'OMG how crap are you in bed if you have to pay a stranger for sex, that is so sad, I'm sure there is help out there for people with such problems etc.' He went quiet after that and hasn't been round since although he very occasionally emails Dh (although I am strangely never mentioned).

So well done for standing up for your beliefs OP, we all do it in different ways although I find the combination of sarcasm and sympathy particularly effective.

Belle- Buffy offered to explain, I'm interested?

What's more goading than writing 'goading'?

FFS...

Goading, definitely goading.

Buffy - you assumed that my opinion on the OP's joke make me disingenuous. You might be ok with flippant remarks of this nature. I'm not.

If you'd like to tell me the difference between a DV joke and a rape joke, I'm all ears (eyes)

My DP would expect nothing less of me, had I cause to tell his mate he was being a dick for going to a strip club.
In fact, he'd be perplexed if I didn't.

It's a no-brainer.

Do you think DV and rape jokes are funny? Or one more so than the other?
Unbelievable

Buffy - I didn't say it was the same as a rape joke. It's a joke about killing her partner. It's not the way to make a point IMO

comingalong - in my experience, the sort of man who is enough of a saddo to go to lapdancing clubs will interpret "A bit of a chat, some adult discussion & some pointers to get him thinking" as "some stupid cow swearing & banging on at me" in any case, so you might as well have the catharsis of a bit of swearing (specially if they had the cheek to express these opinions in your own house).