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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Prostitution and poverty

39 replies

mspenguin · 18/09/2013 22:54

I am a survivor of prostitution. I want to go back into it as I have no money. The men I am thinking of propositioning are in their 60s/70s. I am a radical feminist.

Will I do harm to other women if I carry this through?

I have no other means of making money. I rely on benefits but it is not enough.

I am thinking that the men who I might target wouldn't change anyway.

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NiceTabard · 20/09/2013 20:52

Start another thread, former. This really isn't the place for it.

OP doesn't want to go back to prostitution. If you are close to this subject then maybe you know of some organisations who can help her. In which case it would be kind of you to share your knowledge at this point.

SinisterSal · 20/09/2013 20:42

Maybe we should all stand back from the political aspect of this.
It won't help OP

aformersexworker · 20/09/2013 20:37

Much as I am TRULY fascinated to hear all about the empowerment of destitution Hmm over solvency...

(NiceTabard have you ever actually EXPERIENCED the "empowerment of destitution"?)

...what is making me angry here is that the op asked for support. I saw this thread on a twitter feed that seems to be monitored by every radfem in the UK whenever they can attack someone, but NOT ONE of them has shown up with an actual practical solution to her problem...

Yet me showing up to give the only support I can (feck if I knew an ANSWER to MsPenguin's predicament I would be hammering it out 24/7) , which is to point out that the stuff about "harming other women" the she was worrying about is dishonest propaganda she can safety erase from the equation and her stress levels and that she has a RIGHT to survive, attracts attention.

How about you turn your attention to telling us how the OP can overcome this in realistic, practical terms, instead of attacking me?

NiceTabard · 20/09/2013 20:14

Maybe you could start a thread with your ludicrous statement "deriving a realistic income from selling sex is ALWAYS, without exception, more empowering than destitution.". And then I can come and tell you a host of exceptions Smile

NiceTabard · 20/09/2013 20:13

Do you actually have any advice for the OP, at all?

This is not the correct thread for a debate, this is a thread where the OP has asked for help, it is a support thread.

If you want a debate about aspects of prostitution, I would recommend starting a new thread.

MooncupGoddess · 20/09/2013 20:09

You sound miserable, OP... I can't imagine selling your body would make you feel better, especially given your feminist beliefs.

Is there really, truly nothing else you could do? Wouldn't a crappy minimum wage job be better than this?

aformersexworker · 20/09/2013 20:03

I agree with your words SinsterSal

(NB I was having to get a response in there in a carpark bouncing off indoor wifi so what I could read and see was a bit limited)...

But:

The political objections come in against people peddling the Happy Hooker Empowered Glamourous PhD funding narrative as though it were representative.

Funny thing...you can read through every single thing on my blog, I will cheerfully give you my real name by PM and you can read everything I have ever written online (though I recommend avoiding aforesaid and just TAKING MY WORD FOR IT Smile cos I can rant on...) and you will see I have NEVER "peddled" anything of the kind in my life...

EVEN SO I find I am putting in more than full time week fighting individuals and organisations determined to impede women in using sex work to survive with exceptionally dishonest propaganda campaigns to "end the demand"...

That makes me a tad bad tempered on the subject...and those are the people who need to STAND CLEAR...

No Demand = No Money = No Survival

Survival trumps all.

We all have a right to survive by the means most accessible to us, and we all share an obligation to refrain from interfering in the survival of others.

...incidentally, deriving a realistic income from selling sex is ALWAYS, without exception, more empowering than destitution.

I hope MsPenguin finds plenty of alternatives, but if, heaven forbid, she doesn't, she certainly will not be "harming other women" and I only wish I could lay my hands on anyone who put it into her poor head that she or anyone who sells sex, might be.

FrigginRexManningDay · 20/09/2013 16:24

Don't be surprised OP if some of the creepier members pm you,they are best ignored.

Is there any charities who deal with sex workers in your area?

LaurieFairyCake · 20/09/2013 16:22

Are you in the uk?

If so then there are other options. If you have children then there's no financial reason to go into prostitution unless you are also a victim of financial abuse/addiction or you're re prioritising debts over living - there are people here who can help you with that.

If your single and alone then we can give you advice on surviving on JSA and point you in the direction of food banks. You are right, it's not 'living' on money that low - it is just surviving.

But surviving without having to have sex with strangers must surely be better?

You sound as if it would do you more harm than help you.

SinisterSal · 20/09/2013 16:12

AformerSexWorker
No one here is giving the OP a hard time about considering returning to prostitution. Feminists don't, on the whole, we recognise that it is economic necessity that drives people to make this choice. (Insert big essay on choice, coercion and the nature of freedom here). Nobody here needs to stand back as you put it - the posters here are trying to find alternatives for Mspenguin who clearly wishes there was an alternative for her. I wish i could think of something.
The political objections come in against people peddling the Happy Hooker Empowered Glamourous PhD funding narrative as though it were representative. Not that it would work here as Mspenguin knows all about it from personal experience.

aformersexworker · 20/09/2013 15:39

I don't really understand the problem here. Sex work has always, first and foremost, been about survival...people selling sex to survive, swiftly followed by people selling sex to have a reasonable quality of life.

I do not believe there are any sane grounds for "political objections" to anyone using the only means available to survive or have a reasonable quality of life, particularly if they also have a family to provide for.

This is in an Irish context, but I know the situation is FAR worse again in the UK (albeit in a different way):
wp.me/P2H9Vw-4w

It's my own position today...

Only last week I was trying to persuade a young woman in the UK who dreads going back to sex work to examine other options...

But if there are no other options, all those who lucky enough to still have more options need to STAND CLEAR and stop making sex worker harder than it already is for those who need to use sex work to survive. Anything else is simple manslaughter especially in the current economic climate.

mspenguin · 19/09/2013 13:02

Thank you for your responses, I will reply properly later as my head is in a bit of a spin and I can't get out of bed. Prob just hungover!

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SunshineSuperNova · 19/09/2013 12:22

OP, is there really no choice between going back to prostitution, and getting another type of job?

I looked through your last thread and think that you should get more support for your MH.

AutumnMadness · 19/09/2013 11:41

mspenguin, just listen to yourself and give yourself a chance. You don't want to do to this. If you did, you would not have posted here asking people to talk you out of it. So don't do it. You know all the answers already.

I did not read your other thread fully, but you will seem to be trying to decide between benefits and minimum wage job. Your pros and cons analysis seems to focus on money, which is not unreasonable when you have so little. However, money, even when there is little of it, is not everything. A minimum wage job may leave your somewhat worse off after travel costs, but it may lead to a better paying job, even in our shitty economy, you may make good friends, and you may get a sense of satisfaction from seeing a job well done even if pay is measly.

You never know what's around the corner. Don't close off opportunities for yourself by going back to the horrible place you did so well to escape.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 19/09/2013 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 19/09/2013 01:30

okay, so you want to be talked out of it?

Don't do it, you obviously have a massive problem with the emotional side of it and it will most likely have a detrimental impact on your mental health.

I don't think it's a good idea for anyone to prostitute whilst under duress (pressure from someone else or dire financial circumstances).

Could you perhaps move into shares accommodation? Get a lodger? Use food banks?

mspenguin · 19/09/2013 00:59

Do really feel like ending things now.

Have posted here before under a few names.

Not quite sure if there is any other avenue left.

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mspenguin · 19/09/2013 00:56

I can envisage many posts against me in the morning.

Ok, but can anyone advise me?

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mspenguin · 19/09/2013 00:54

Darkest:

I have yet to see a job I could do that would put me in a better situation. Minimum wage leaves me £20 better off, but after travel, worse off.

Not to mention time.

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mspenguin · 19/09/2013 00:50

Flora: did I? I may have been quoting the blokes if I did. I don't use the term myself.

I haven't been sent on any courses or placements.

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Darkesteyes · 19/09/2013 00:47

What kind of courses/placements have you been doing on the Work programme OP

FloraFox · 19/09/2013 00:44

I don't like that word either. You used it on the other thread.

Darkesteyes · 19/09/2013 00:44

No the JC didnt force me either. But the chatline one was paid and the soup factory one wasnt so its a no brainer.

mspenguin · 19/09/2013 00:42

The JC has not tried to force me into any sex jobs.

I could easily go back.

But I object morally and politically.

And yet, food prices and such are ridiculous!

The appeal of selling my body again vs principles....

As I said, can somebody talk me out of it

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mspenguin · 19/09/2013 00:39

And I got increasingly drunk on that thread by the way; I was at home alone asking for help. I know now that AIBU was probably not the best subforum.

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