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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Join me, if you will, in envisaging the feminist pub

307 replies

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 17/09/2013 14:35

Inspired by the obvious thread, I feel we need a fictional pub that's as the same sort of mecca for feminists. The antidote to the classic sexist bloke pub, where the floor is sticky and you can't get to the bar without pushing past three Important Regulars peering at your boobs and making blonde jokes, while the barman asks 'are you sure' when you order real ale and the beer for ladies comes in comedy funny-shaped pint glasses for our wee delicate hands.

In the feminist pub, I want to outlaw stupid jokes, obviously. But I also think the bar needs to be at a height that doesn't put my boobs on pint-level for every bloke there. And I would like it if there were etiquette that, when you've got your pint, you don't sit chatting to the barman and taking up space, you move away (I have never seen a woman sit on the edge of a bar, alone).

And I fancy copies of classics like 'Letters from a fainthearted feminist' standing about dog-earned on the bookcases, in place of old back issues of Spectator or random leather-bound books by dead white men.

Shall I apply for a pub lease then? And what else do we want in the feminist pub?

OP posts:
Sheshelob · 18/09/2013 20:53

And Grace Jones.

MrsGeologist · 18/09/2013 20:52

There has to be a Mary Wollstonecraft bust.

Sheshelob · 18/09/2013 20:43

No ban, dear. I wouldn't fucking dare.

stubbornstains · 18/09/2013 20:42

you know, how women talk amongst themselves when they've had a few beers and the men are in the minority. What, like Mumsnet then? Grin

As a bust, can I suggest Andrea Dworkin? Near the entrance, maybe with animated googly eyes? Ain't going to get no undesirables through that door!

Well, as my contribution to this fictional heavenly pub, I want to paint all the signs, as I'm a traditional signwriter! I'm thinking a nice vagina dentata, or sheela-na-gig? Don't get many requests for those IRL Grin

garlicbaguette · 18/09/2013 20:36

I agree, rumours! As it's morphing into a better kind of Women's Club, there will doubtless be a residential floor for us committed members.

With a spare room, as I've just been barred on grounds of ugly footwear Grin

garlicbaguette · 18/09/2013 20:34

... which will be amusing, as Garlic is currently wearing fake Uggs Blush

therumoursaretrue · 18/09/2013 20:34

I want to live in this pub! Sounds fantastic.

Sheshelob · 18/09/2013 20:28

No dress code. Except No Uggs. They are puddle sponges that lead to trench foot. And they are ugly.

Anyone who doesn't agree must face garlic.

MrsGeologist · 18/09/2013 20:26

Can I be bar staff too? It was the only job I'm not that shite at. I can pull pints; am fluent in pub banter and can hold a stack of dirty pint pots that is taller than I am.

I also know how to make some lovely cocktails and some hideous ones like B52s

Sheshelob · 18/09/2013 20:21

LRD should really be doing the hiring, but as HR Manager, I'd happily consider you for the role.

Job description includes:

Banter
Crisp Wrangling
Pint Pulling
Not Being a Twat

MrsGeologist · 18/09/2013 20:21

One of our best bouncers was a woman. She was a body builder as well as a bouncer and was well hard, and I remember one time there was a to-do on the door, where some guy was arguing with her. Me and the other bouncer (male) went out to see what was going on and the very drunk man said, 'I wanna come in for a drink, but this bitch won't let me!'

Honestly before you could even blink, he was pinned up against the wall by the female bouncer and as cool as you like she said, 'don't you call me a bitch, luv.'

It was brilliant Grin

garlicbaguette · 18/09/2013 20:21

Love the feminist coat of arms, Sheshelob!

kim147 · 18/09/2013 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wallison · 18/09/2013 20:18

Please please could I be a barmaid? It's always been one of my most favourite jobs. I am v good at talking shite to people and make a fab bloody mary.

kim147 · 18/09/2013 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sheshelob · 18/09/2013 20:17

Busts and headlocks.

Now that's a feminist coat of arms I could get behind.

garlicbaguette · 18/09/2013 20:14

Smile and put them in a headlock, Buffy. Then murmur hideous threats in their captive earhole (avoiding a mouthful of piercings, which I narrowly achieved.) I was, however, monstrously bullied by a male boss in an office. I should have realised the old methods would have worked on him, but it never crossed my mind :(

I'm more than happy for it to be Soho House, Sheshelob, as long as it has busts Grin

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 18/09/2013 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sheshelob · 18/09/2013 20:06

Ok. Garlic can be the bouncer.

I'll be the snotty cow at the desk getting people to sign in.

Fuck. I'm turning it into Soho House.

garlicbaguette · 18/09/2013 20:05

I think we should have busts of women everywhere! It'd make a good, if weak joke :)

Loopytiles · 18/09/2013 20:05

Sounds good stubbornstains.

What about a bust in the style of the queen victoria of eastenders, but of someone else?

Loopytiles · 18/09/2013 20:05

Sounds good stubbornstains.

What about a bust in the style of the queen victoria of eastenders, but of someone else?

garlicbaguette · 18/09/2013 20:05

Sorry, off topic!

garlicbaguette · 18/09/2013 20:03

Hah, I was the bouncer (and manager) at a very rough club in North Wales, at the tender age of 20. I have a lot of good stories about that one. The owner's thinking - astutely, as it turned out - was that a slender young woman would be better able to disarm customers of their knives, guns and crowbars. It always worked, thank the lord; I doubt the place was properly insured.

Decades later, my training amongst society's less salubrious groups came in handy when some woman took an irrational dislike to my friend on my hen weekend. She was well scary. I - erm, silenced her and gave her the Fear. She went scurrying off to her scary mates, who were all very keen to buy me drinks of a sudden.

Sheshelob · 18/09/2013 19:49

Men don't chat me up. I am apparently scary.

I could be the bouncer.