Is the AlphaParent anti-feminist?

Yes, I forgot 'and earned the money for the roof over our head' but that doesn't scan as well

'Everyone fed, no one dead'. I think you know there's a great deal more to parenting than that.

I did all that too blueskies. But I didn't set up a website to tell other people to do it my way, or to slag other women off for not doing it the same way.

This is just one quote from a facebook comment on alphawotsit's facebook page:

Almost vomited when I read that a baby has a right to safe food but a mom also has a right to autonomy over her body. IMO, you lose that right when you become a mother (as it pertains to your child). Selfishness and motherhood do not mix well.

How can comments like that not be a) anti-feminist and b) help create the mummy martyr stereotype?

doesn't matter what you do as long as you don't push it on others, for whom it mightn't suit.

you are not a martyr if you enjoy it. you'd be a martyr if you did't but carried on anyway

blueskies I do all that too. And if we're happy about it, great. But do you consider yourself an Alpha Parent? And if you do, do you actually declare yourself as one to your peers? I think that's the difference.

I am a sahm who bf & co-sleeps & am rather hurt after reading some of your posts. I enjoy my way of mothering. So now I am martyr because I AP? What absolute BS

Agreed ^^

If being a mother who breastfeeds makes her a superior parent, then I suppose I should get a medal, too.

Funny though that she never talks about her own children.

She must be a blast at playgroups...

I looked into virgin gut Hop and it is extremely over interpreted I think. Which is good - I always found the peddling of that so cruel. It basically say you can never go wrong, ever - if your baby is in NICU and gets tube fed formula while you are ill tough, their gut will never be as good as a fully bf baby. One slip, one bottle of formula when you're truly exhausted and you may as well give up. Only perfection counts. I'd be glad if it were debunked.

it's a kind of charm, isn't it, if I do everything right nothing will happen to my child. A vicious circle of anxiety.

It's more of the bullshit that gets peddled around what you should eat or drink when pregnant - it's about blaming women when things go wrong, particularly low-income women, rather than looking at the other and more serious causes of neonatal problems and ill health in children . Which are quite often due to things like inadequate care from a seriously underfunded maternity unit, mothers being inadequately fed and stressed out themselves because of poverty - or, in some cases, men's behaviour (difficult to breastfeed tranquilly when you are living with an abusive man you must placate with sex...)

But the real bottom line is there are no guarantees. You can be the most obedient, paranoid, martyred mother in the world and your child can still suffer or even die (bad genetics, local outbreak of meningitis, car accident, etc) - or turn into a complete little shit who ends up in Broadmoor at the age of 13 (major personality disorder, unknown cause). Or you can be a drug addict with no money and raise a child who grows up to find a cure for cancer...

I have noticed a slew of 'stuff on the internet' like this recently. DS is 8 so I'm not in the 'baby space' so much, but I've really noticed this picking up.

Just another stick to keep women in their place, isn't it?

If I can go off on a bit of a tangent, there were some really interesting comments on the Jamie Oliver webchat about him holding up Italian 'poor food' (can't remember the Italian name for it) as some sort of ideal. Posters were talking about their Italian grandparents grinding up acorns to fill their stomachs and how, actually, living like that is not something we should aspire to.

I think there's something similar in the AP arena - women for thousands of years have carried their babies on their backs, sort of thing. Yes, that is true. Yes, for centuries women have managed to bring up children through very difficult circumstances. But recreating those circumstances isn't something I aspire to. Don't make me feel bad for not baby-wearing, and don't pretend that your baby-wearing is an imperative, because it's not, it's a choice. I support your right to make it, of course, but it's not better parenting than someone who chooses something different.

(All fed, no-one dead has been my mantra for, oh, all of those 8 years btw)

From the child's point of view it is so much better to have a laid back mother, with other interests, than one who thinks she has got it so worked out she is 'alpha' and can write about it and tell everyone else how to do it!

And probably leads to a much happier, well balanced child.

A good summing up.

It's just some unqualified, unimportant whanger with nothing better to do than post ignorant, self-aggrandizing shit. If your DC are alive at the end of the day, have been fed and are reasonably clean, you've done your job as a mother.

Ha!

Say it like it is Sheshelob

I agree completely.

I don't think AA is that great, tbh. The formula is poison message is more than tolerated on her board. Anywhere where the mantra "perhaps you have a problem with it because you feel guilty about your choices" makes me want to burn the Internet down.

It's all irresponsible, smug bullshit designed to shame anyone who doesn't fit in with their ideals.

Good luck mysterymeg! Bang on desks if necessary (not literally obviously, they might cart you off for that )

AlphaParent irritates me-it immediately intimates that she thinks she is a superior parent, when she merely has a baby and hasn't much clue.
I think feminism is choice-despite being told it isn't and you have to conform to someone else's idea of feminism-usually the ones who shout the loudest. I agree with Zara.

Thanks scallops crossing fingers for tomorrow! Breastfeeding counsellor agrees. Just have to convince nhs bods now.

AlphaParent is glorified trolling.

Feminism is meant to built women up with support, not tear them down and pick fights.