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Original poster

Women who are "independent".

30 replies

takingfive · 27/08/2013 08:51

I've been mulling over the idea that most of my friends (age 30s-40s) see themselves as independent.

Am I wrong to think that this is an unreasonable description if they are clearly financially dependent on a man or, in some cases, have become financially independent through divorce because of the settlement they won? I suspect they use the term "independent" to mean they have separate social lives, make their own choices and don't feel obliged to be at their partners beck and call.

But to me, the term "independent" means being a woman of means rather than it being a social status. And I see financial independence as essential for living life as a feminist. So if you are reliant on a man or have been provided for as a result of a past relationship with a man, then surely you cannot call yourself a feminist

OP posts:
soapboxqueen · 27/08/2013 10:32

I think this depends on your definition of dependent. To me there is a vast difference between a person who has to rely on another person for money and has no realistic chance of making their own money or enough to support themselves and someone who makes a consious decision with a partner to reduce their earning power because of circumstance.

I have the potential to earn just as much as my husband, I don't as I work part time so that we can all spend time together, be at home for children etc We each contribute equally whether it be through money, time or tasks accomplished. Neither of us can maintain our current life without the other.

Meringue33 · 27/08/2013 09:45

Interdependence is part of being human, regardless of gender.

I don't think relying on others (including men) is a bad thing or precludes being an independent person. Total self reliance can be a double edged sword.

I'm currently financially supported by DP (am on mat leave). However I still see myself as an independent woman. Independent of thought and free to make my own choices. And I'm not dependent. If he left me I would find a way to cope.

lifeissweet · 27/08/2013 09:37

I would add that I am not, and never have been, dependent on a man financially. Even now my DP and our children live in a house I own.

However, my house is small and I am considering a joint mortgage with DP to buy somewhere bigger. In a sense that would make me financially co-dependent as I wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage on my own. Is that allowed? It's what's best for my family. Does that make me less of a feminist?

lifeissweet · 27/08/2013 09:34

Yep. I would disagree with this too. Being a feminist is a mindset - a collection of beliefs and values. I do agree that in order to describe yourself as 'independent' you need to have financial independence, but being independent and being a feminist are two entirely different and separate things.

MsVestibule · 27/08/2013 09:28

So you've decided to rewrite the dictionary definitions of 'independent' and 'feminist' in your head? Hmm.

I'm an advocate of equality for everybody, regardless of gender, so would describe myself as a feminist. How I am supported financially is entirely irrelevant.