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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Creepy horrible man...urgh

35 replies

KellyHopter · 25/08/2013 01:30

Not sure why I'm posting this really other than I feel a bit upset and angry and...I don't know really. Actually a bit tearful and that's not like me at all.

Had a quick drink with someone I've met a couple of times who seemed alright. I don't want to go into it all right now but basically, after a bit of talking to me like I was shit and telling me I'm not a very nice girl (I defended myself but why didn't I just leave??) he tells me about something he did with someone he was seeing which was completely inappropriate and horrible. And he said with such a fucking smug look on his face. The details don't really matter but basically was a "fantasy" of hers that he fulfilled. Whatever, I don't need to know this, I don't know her, i don't need or want to hear it. I said as much to him, said that he had no right to say something like that to me, what on earth made him think it was ok to say it to someone he barely knows?

He apologised, sort of, I went to the loo where I actually got a bit teary - it sounds stupid now but it felt so intrusive and deliberate and pointed. Came back out and got my jacket and said I'm off now, it's late, I'm tired and he followed me outside saying he'd call a cab, I said not to bother I'd be fine goodnight. And he sort of laughed and said 'gosh, I didn't take you for a prude, in fact I get the impression it's just the sort of thing you'd appreciate' Angry

I'm just so utterly pissed off, I'm honestly not some easily offended or upset person. I feel like he got me there because I had pissed him off earlier in the day by not seeing him and it was all set up purely to make me feel shit and intimidated.

I'm not making much sense, I am tired. And I'm sorry I know this should probably be in relationships but its not really about him, just the whole thing...I mean, wtf was it so important to him to put me in my place?

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Deathwatchbeetle · 30/08/2013 22:36

What do you mean you don't find him attractive? HOw very dare you, he is obviously a catch!

It makes me cringe when they act like naughtly little boys. Grow up ffs (him, not you!). I usually show y disdain and utter boredom - to be honest I just cannot help myself. I look at them with such pity that they quickly slither off under the nearest rock.

SolidGoldBrass · 28/08/2013 21:47

Excellent. Particularly 'I just don't find you attractive.'

Now he almost certainly will go away and you will never hear from him again, but if by any chance he doesn't, it's OK to be rude to him and tell him to fuck right off. You don't owe him anything. You are under no obligation to be polite to someone who has been rude to you and won't leave you alone.
And if he makes a real p0est of himself, it's fine to report him to the police. Even if it's 'only' flowers and chocloates on the doorstep' - from a man you dislike, this is harassment, not a romantic gesture.

KellyHopter · 25/08/2013 22:59

Yay Spaniels! Grin

No worries Pete, appreciated the sentiment.

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ILoveSpaniels · 25/08/2013 20:35

PS. Have to agree with GetStuffezd...you are very pretty!!!

OctopusPete8 · 25/08/2013 20:33

My post was misunderstood, oh well

glad you got the last word in OP.

ILoveSpaniels · 25/08/2013 20:31

Ha that was brilliant Kelly!! Bravo! I dated a man some years ago who was very much like the man you wrote about, and once he showed his true colours I took great pleasure in dumping him by text....casually but still to the point. It was a GREAT feeling!!

TheDoctrineOfPositivityYes · 25/08/2013 19:50

Applauds Kelly.

VerySmallSqueak · 25/08/2013 19:24

Nicely done.

I love love love "No,it's not that,I just don't find you attractive"....

Grin
KellyHopter · 25/08/2013 18:40

Thank you!
It has put a bit of a spring in my step getting the last word in Grin

(Getstuffezd - cheers love, not sure about that and he would certainly disagree but I know for a fact he's a horrible creepy bastard and I'm not so that'll do me!)

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BOF · 25/08/2013 18:39

Click brrrr. Love it.

Lottiedoubtie · 25/08/2013 17:40

Fantastic- well done!

Beamur · 25/08/2013 17:31

Marvellous exit! Well done you all ways round.

WayHarshTai · 25/08/2013 17:29

Hah, you abolutely rock. Well done.

GetStuffezd · 25/08/2013 17:24

Also, I've just clicked on your profile (nosey!) and I'm sure you're 1000x more attractive than this attention seeking fool.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 25/08/2013 17:23

Love it! Good on you. Smile

NiceTabard · 25/08/2013 17:22

LOLLed then Grin

Well done. he deserved it.

TheCrackFox · 25/08/2013 17:19

Brilliant!!!

GetStuffezd · 25/08/2013 17:08

EXCELLENT!
Well done.
What a DICK!

KellyHopter · 25/08/2013 16:23

He just called on a withheld number and I'm quite pleased with how I handled it!

Hello?
Hi, it's me. Are we feeling better today? (Stupid sniggery voice)
Yes, I'm perfectly fine thanks
Oh, it's just that...
Actually - now that you've called I may as well say that I don't want to carry on seeing you so if you could just delete my number that'd be great.
Ah...right. Look, I was messing with you that's all, you know what I'm like...
No, it's not that, I just don't find you attractive. Grin
Right, well that was a waste of my...
Great, all the best.

It's petty I know but didn't manage much in the way of pithiness last night so very cathartic!

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VerySmallSqueak · 25/08/2013 13:34

You do. Kelly. You win. Hands down.

He'll always be a loser.

KellyHopter · 25/08/2013 13:22

Glad others think I didn't overreact.

There was no way I was going to try and out-shock him, I am not going to go against my own ideas of whats appropriate just because he was being vulgar, that's him not me.
Also it'd be a bit like showing my boobs to a flasher and thinking 'yeah, that'll teach him!"

I don't care that he saw I was upset, I don't care if he thinks he's 'won'. I just don't care. Therefore I win! Grin

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TheCrackFox · 25/08/2013 12:46

He sounds utterly vile.

But well done, you spotted the massive red flags and got yourself away from him.

VerySmallSqueak · 25/08/2013 12:31

That's horrible OP and you reacted in a way many of us would.

It's so hard when you are caught off your guard.

You succeeded here.You spotted a tosser and fucked him off.

NiceTabard · 25/08/2013 12:19

I think that's how most women do react pete - certainly most younger women and girls as when confronted with inappropriate behaviour / talk they don't know what to do and society conditions us to "laugh it off" and not "over-react" or "take it personally" as if we do we are being prudes and have no sense of humour.

IME it's often only women who are a bit older who are able to show their genuine reaction (upset / anger) as they have a bit more life experience under their belt.

Some younger women and girls are able to do it too and that's really great.

Joining in with a man telling you vile sexual fantasies after a few dates when you find what he is saying repulsive and upsetting is going to encourage him, obviously.

I think the OP did fine. It is OK to be upset and show upset when something is upsetting. Maybe if more women felt able to show the anger/upset they feel at this type of behaviour, some men might begin to understand that it's not on.

KellyHopter · 25/08/2013 12:14

Oh fgs!
No, not a boyfriend

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