My husband is acting like I am making a fuss about nothing over the way he talks to women.

I sit with a female colleague, and a male colleague will introduce us as "These are the girls". Girls? I am 40 years old with a 9 year old son.

I took him up on it once and he said "I don't know what your problem is, isn't it true?"

Tbh - "young girl" does sound creepy. Unless one of these "young girls" actually pulls him up on it, he won't change. But are they likely to say something? does he have a more senior role?

I wonder what his response would be if the women he emails started off all their replies with "Hi young boy".

i used to work with someone who referred to everyone as 'young so and so' but that was for men and women so was OK.
unless he also calls men 'young boy' (which i am quite sure he doesnt) then it is creepy and patronising.

What Pictish said. I think you need to spell out to him that it isn't acceptable, especially in a business context, but also in general, to refer to women that way. Its really not something he should be able to make a call on, with English not being his first language, so if he has any respect for you he should accept that you know better in this situation even though you are a woman

My DP calls women he works with 'babe' when he talks to them and that makes me jealous cringe a bit on their behalf. He is very charming and I can imagine some many of them probably do like it, but equally some may find it inappropriate but feel unable to point it out to him. He also uses buddy for blokes and uses their name a lot, so he's just that type of overly familiar person who thinks it is ok to use endearments at work.

Your H needs to realise its not only the familiarity which is misplaced, but that isn't really even a phrase in English unless the person you are talking to is under 10!

I know it's not ideal, but do you know any of his colleagues and could you ask THEM to point out that it's all a bit weird? If he won't listen to you?

Ugh!!! I would think "patronising old tosser, get back to the 1950s, I'll go deal with someone who actually understands I am your business equal and respects that"

He HAS to stop.NOW.

Read this thread out to him, perhaps OP? And we are not mad harpies, I genuinely believe all,the grown up and competent women I know (whether whom/SAHM) would have the same internal reaction of YUK!!!

Hecsy you're right.
It is not the end of the world...but he is misguided and what he views as being pleasant, will be construed as patronising and cringeworthy by the women he is addressing this way.

It absolutely needs to stop. He absolutely needs to back down and see the error of his ways, and he absolutely needs to be humble about it, thankful that you have spotted it, and prevented him from making a further donkey of himself.

Like I say - not the end of the world. His intentions were not to offend, and that is accepted. He just needs to not do it again. It's no biggy for him...we all make gaffs now and then. The telling thing is how we deal with it.

"You may judge a man's integrity by how he behaves when he is wrong"

No more Uncle Hecsy ok?

Maybe it'd be worth pointing out to him that many women have learnt the hard way not to mention when they find something like this offensive ("is that all you have to worry about", "I was just being friendly" etc) so her not saying she's uncomfortable is no guarantee that she isn't. Plus if it's a business relationship, rather than her being a customer, she may feel less able to walk away and may worry about the consequences of her speaking up.

Him not being a native English speaker makes a bit more sense of the weird wording! This is going to sound SO patronising, but... does he realise the distinction in tone/connotations/whatever between 'girl' and 'lady' in this context? As in, to his ear is he basically saying 'young lady' with its slightly different feel?

I'm often not so much these days though addressed by men as 'young lady'. It's mildly annoying but 'young girl' is much worse ? and is it even a 'proper' phrase, IYKWIM? It just doesn't sound like something people would say.

Anyway, it is totally inappropriate in a business context and while I can't say I hope you lose business (because presumably it's your living as well as his), if I was addressed like that by someone in a work context I'd take my business elsewhere.

I encountered this a few years ago at work.

I responded by always calling the chap 'young sir' in a condescending manner. He is 5 yrs and 7 grades my senior.

It worked.

He took it in good spirit and we now joke about it - I refer to him as madam and he calls me sir.

I did tell another colleague he was being very creepy when he called someone a young girl. He looked a bit shocked and back pedalled, but I don't think he 'got' it. Creepy weirdo.

Is he from another cultural context, of a certain age, or english not his first language?

The ONLY person I have ever had this from in a work context where it's even vaguely acceptable is a 98-year old Iranian man with extremely antiquated English who my partners and I (all women) met in connection with some business with his family. He called us "ladies" and called me "young lady" which in a usual business setting would get my back up, but in the context of his age and cultural background was ok. I think even if he had called me "young girl" I could have lived with it.

But that's pretty much the only scenario I can think of where it wouldn't be patronising at best, creepy and sexist at worst.

Oh dear.

'Fellow business people' - I think, then, that unfortunately your business will be bottom of the pile when it comes to prioritising work, in whatever capacity it is. I bet that the no-doubt effective and hardworking 'young girl' at the other end of that conversation wasn't half as 'busy' when it comes to engaging with her other colleagues, you know, the ones who give her due respect!

It is definitely patronising, and I am very surprised 'Barbara' has not indicated any disapproval to being referred to as such.
DH calls colleagues/associates 'my friend' or 'buddy' or repeats their name about 500 times (especially if it's an unusual name) like 'yes hi Mahendra, how are you Mahendra? I'm good thanks Mahendra...Mahendra I was just wondering if you received this letter Mahendra?' Etc... Which I don't think is patronising but a bit cringy.
If he started called women 'young girl' I would be mortified!

Sounds like in his head he is a smiling old man patting the head of a child as they gaze up at him adoringly.

So of course he thinks he's being reassuring, because he's responding to the situation as his imagination paints it.

And of course everyone else sees what he's imagining. And understands it's patronising. He's placing himself in authority over them and pretending to an inappropriately close relationship.

Euch!

If someone I was working with addressed me like that I certainly would form some very unfavourable impressions of them - especially if I'd seen that on conference conversations he didn't speak that way to men.

It would annoy me, I'd assume that he was sexist (and therefore prepare myself for being replaced by a bloke doing what I do), a bit creepy and out of touch.

It's patronising and just creepy.

I definitely would feel uncomfortable being spoke to like that. I'd be polite and even fake friendliness (I was trained well in retail) but I'd be deeply uncomfortable.

i really wouldnt like being called young girl. It would put me off and sounds creepy.

Young lady I don't mind as much, depending on the context. Not in a business context though

He needs to stop doing that. Its patronising at best

And yes, I'd smile politely and mark him down as a knobber, while wondering if I could take my business elsewhere.