Surnames

I always thought I had my Dads name and now I've got my husbands name.

And yet your husband got to keep his 'father's name', while you gave yours up.

Do you have any brothers? They get to keep their 'father's name' but yet any daughters are expected to give it up.

How does that make any logical sense? Why are men's surnames deemed their own enough to keep forever, but women's surnames are 'their father's' and therefore easily relinquished?

Sorry, but I think the 'I always had my father's name, so I might as well take my husband's name' argument is the worst sort of let's-ensure-the-patriarchy-endures-into-eternity argument ever.

Sonly, did your DH consider taking your father's name rather than you taking his father's name?

Another option is for the children to have your surname or DH's surname and the other partner's surname for a middle name (not double barrelled).

What Treagues said pretty much applies to my situation. It does not come up often now because we have been married 25+ years, but I have no problem correcting people, especially family, who really ought to know better once they have been told. Getting someone's name right is a very basic matter of respect.

Me and DH have a new name that is unique to our family. And even though we are now planning on divorcing I'm keeping the surname because it is as much mine as his.

We double barreled our DDs, much to the annoyance of PILs but that wasn't the reason.

So we have

Mrs Adora Bell- OH's name
Mr His Name (he's spent 15 yrs handwringing over weather to use my name but that's his choice)
DDs Bell-OH's name.

I'm not a Dr though and have no other title to use. It hase taken ILs years to manage to write both names on a card for DDs, but they are slowly coming round to idea that winding DDs up by using the wrong name is not winning them any browny points.

I think you should both keep your names and double barrel the dcs as this seems to be what you want to do. People will get it wrong sometimes but not often enough or with enough impact to make it unfeasible.

I can envisage years of bday cards from well meaning relatives with just my husband's surname.

Basically this is going to happen regardless of what option you choose. I wouldn't allow this to influence you - your child certainly won't care!

It's interesting that your DH is so anti changing his name. Most (but not all) of the guys I've ever spoken to about this have said the same. Yet have found it bizarre that I haven't changed mine when I got married. Why should I feel different? They all have their father's surnames too, yet feel (quite rightly) that it is theirs to keep or change as they wish.

While I kept my name DD has DH's surname. We did it this way because I am one of many siblings whereas DH is an only child. My parents have plenty of grandchildren but DD is the in Laws only grandchild. I love my in Laws. They are truly lovely people who wouldn't have made a fuss but their surname for their only grandchild was my gift to them.

I have not changed my name and to be honest, years on, I don't get any official grief about it at all. If people need correcting then I do it, but it's maybe once a year at most, and nobody really bats an eyelid, schools and airports included.

Older relatives do find it hard, but, really, fuck 'em.

DC has DH's surname for aesthetic reasons but truth be told I wish I'd double barrelled just to make the point. I'd just go ahead and don't worry too much when people get it wrong, unless you suspect they're doing it because they think you are inferior. In which case start a thread on here and watch it reach 500 posts within the hour

I always thought I had my Dads name and now I've got my husbands name. My maiden name was lovely really traditionally British and I swapped it for a really common name but what does it matter.

Can you merge a part of each of your surnames to create a new surname, honouring both your families?

Would your DH mind if the baby had your name? It seems to me the most sensible option, since he's the one who doesn't want to double-barrell and since it does make a nice gesture along the same lines as you keeping your name.

There are four surname options for your baby.
1.DH surname

1. Your surname
2. Double barrelled
3. An entirely new surname.

If you have doubts about a double barrelled name then options 1 and 2 should be considered as equally reasonable.

If your baby has your name then you will have the family unit name and it will up to your DH to choose to adapt his surname or retain his individual name. This is the situation many women face in your position, but there is no good reason that it shouldn't be the male partner who faces this choice instead.