'Cock tease'

Hang on a sec I may have missed it as am very tired, but are we accepting that men who buy drinks for flirty women are entitled to sex?

I must say, when flirty people of any gender ask me to buy them drinks I say "No". Why could those young men not say No, too, if they didn't want to buy drinks? How very strange.

Also - bollocks to "don't flirt" Everybody flirts, even those of you who claim not to. Some of us flirt a lot. It's a social mannerism, not a contract.

Actually forgive me if this had already been mentioned, but I missed it when I scanned the thread. The fundamental problem with this as a term is that can only be applied to a woman (or I suppose gay men, but I think you know where I am headed with this being gender related).

Wether this sort of behaviour goes on at all is actually immaterial. Men and Women can and have led each other on since time immemorial, but simply by making it about cocks bieng teased by implication makes women the guilty party, and that's the part that's ridiculous.

I almost hate to say it as I feel I am shifting towards an interpetation of feminism I always felt was perhaps being over sensitive, but it looks as if a lot of the gender based or linked derogatory remarks betray either a scrutiny female behaviour is held to that men simply aren't (much like the slut/stud incongruency), or potentially something even more sinister.

I will consider all this in more detail.

"the cockteasing is because the promise of sex in exchange for goods like drinks is of course implicit." Of course. Silly me!

I think what strikes me most about the subject this thread throws up is how we manage to balls up what should be a fun and exciting slice of life. I am not sure in all my years of dating I have ever come across a cock tease.

Maybe some do, but then again maybe some people are practising social skills, or just happen to enjoy the company of the opposite sex. I don't see the problem with giving people the benefit of the doubt. I mean after all wouldn't it be better to have social settings as relaxed opportunities to meet new people and let the stresses of everyday life ebb away as opposed to just creating new ones?

As a bloke I enjoy the privilege that I can pop out, strike up a conversation with a girl and there is zero pressure on me to provide anything beyond not being boring. I can only imagine how annoying it would be if there was some social expectation to provide sex. I wouldn't like it, I don't expect anyone to put up with it. In fact I would rather such pressures didn't exist, because as I said above less pressure = more relaxation, and that will make all our nights out more fun.

Scallops, the cockteasing is because the promise of sex in exchange for goods like drinks is of course implicit.

... In Bizarro World where all sex can be bought, it just depends how you pay.

I think the behaviour Sunrising is describing is rude and unpleasant. Failing to see where 'cock-teasing' comes into it.

Mind you I had a little chuckle with "some Men used shamelessly by some Women".

Yy eyesunder. Women can stop asking men to buy drinks for all their friends and men can stop saying yes if they are asked.

If I thought someone was talking to me just so I'd buy them stuff, I'd be very and I wouldn't really want to have sex with them.

Maybe if people didn't think they were about to have sex until they were actually moments out from actually having it, then this wouldn't be a problem. And never thought they were entitled to it. And didn't get filled with resentment when "denied". Is your husband saying that no flirting should happen unless sex is on the cards? Will he issue a handy checklist of male/female (and gay/gay) interactions that qualify as flirting?

This soooo ties in with the whole consent thing, doesn't it? The "popular" concept of it does not fit that which is legal.

LOL

ok ok, just dont start rubbing my leg or nowt, unless youre gonna put out! ;)

I'm more attention deficit spectrummy myself - quite good at reading the signals in the moment if a little overwhelmed with how many there can be in a busy environment, but relying on the immediate environmental cues because I have a completely shit fish like memory and zero concentration.

I sometimes think it's slightly the opposite end of the spectrum or different brain style to autistic spectrum - where my understanding is there's often a good memory and reliance on routines but not so good reading of the immediate environment in the present moment ?

Anyway, with or without flirtation, hope we can be friends !
(Is that too confusing ?)

well two of my kids are autistic so im probably a bit spectrummy myself ;)

DS would describe heavy, invasive flirting as 'an insane thing people do' but he knows he finds reading social cues tricky.
Which is why he is rarely spontaneous about instigating anything with anyone unless he really knows them. From hugging a small child to joking to arranging social encounters.

women arent universally cock teases.
its a thing some women do, and men do, obvs without the cock.

Just being overly flirty, trying to actively make someone think theyre about to get sex, but theyre actually not. Playing with peoples feelings

Bran - to describe flirting as "an insane thing that people do" whilst claiming to be "good at social cues" seems very odd to me.

Flirting may be something slightly beyond simple chatting, but it's also a very natural part of the human experience - the dance of attraction and relationship if you like.

It's very simplistic to say regular chat = good
chat with an element of attraction and flirtation = bad

Very often at the very beginning of the dance you cannot know where it might lead. People (men) should be more charmed by the interest and possibilities and less entitled as to the outcome.

Some women may manipulate men into buying drinks for them and their friends, but it is still part of the assumption that the man is making that they can be bought.
Otherwise he'd just say 'Why should I buy a strange woman a drink? Let alone her friends'
Yes, I've seen women jiggle and squeak and do the helpless act to get whatever it is they want. The question for society is why does it so often work, and how can that be changed? How can this ridiculous barter/exchange system be ended?

Shitting nora, can someone else post here too?

Fraud is wrong, Sunrising, and vulnerability is exploited.

Hum having run a bar for (too) many years I've seen some Men used shamelessly by some Women. A typical scenerio would be the Woman being overly friendly "How about buying me a drink" leading to "how about buying my friends some drinks". After drinks are "procured" then Ladies in questions will often walk off without so much of a thanks or will say something doragatory about the guy to his face. Very often guys who are alone or a bit tipsy are targeted specifically. Believe me the situations are not of someone flirting then deciding "not for me" or just a nice chat. It really is exploitative. It's Women like that who turn me on to Feminism.

Men and women flirt, and wear things.

That seems to me different from attacking someone and forcing yourself on someone violently.

when i say the connotations are different, im not using the right word. I mean the whole thing is different. I think the other way round, you get married men and women doing it. Being flirty and coming on to a people to prove their sexual prowess to themselves, even though they have no intention of going through with anything.

Im usually good with social cues etc, but flirting leaves me baffled and anxious. I just dont get it