How do feminist mums of dds square the circle of bringing them up to feel they have the right to wear what they want, have a positive attitude to sex, etc AND stay safe at the same time?

Also I don't think anyone dresses to please themselves. We dress to please both ourselves and others - it's about identifying (and being practical). Perhaps this is why you have a problem with it - you are denying that there is a viewer or any other reason to choose your clothes.

Victim blaming is what it says on the tin. You are not victim blaming someone to tell them to dress appropriately. The bare flesh thing for example makes you seem vulnerable - not because it entices men into lascivious thoughts but actually you are - you get cold, sunburnt, can scratch yourself, get dirty etc. It's actually a bit pompous because you're saying 'nothing can touch me' or even a bit sad - you're saying 'I never go outside'.

Clothes always tell people something and it helps give perspective if we understand what they are saying.

-influence them in the way YOU want to-

I think you can send whatever message you want - I started by saying 'that's SO Paris Hilton' and it put her off doing that showy thing. I taught her about wearing appropriate clothes for the weather and for practicality.

We talk about why people wear what they wear - eg high heels, baggy clothes, etc. I have a rule about either showing all legs or all arms but not both unless you're on the beach.

You need to be the adult and set the rules you want to and influence them in the way they want to. They can do what they like when they're 16, it's up to you.