Small things that make you angry and you feel you can't mention elsewhere

Oh yes, the Christmas thing. It's the same in the US. I have become such a Scrooge over the years; why is Christmas a woman's responsibility? Starting right after Thanksgiving, everywhere I go, people ask, "Are you ready for Christmas?" DH says no one has ever asked him that. Bah, humbug!

I took my husband's surname for practical reasons (to do with immigration and obtaining residence in our chosen country) but my family assumed my husband had "insisted." That was the very word my aunt used. As though I would have shackled myself to a man who presumed to dictate to me which name I bore! The funny thing was, he was a rather sad when I decided to change my name, as though the woman he'd met and fallen for had disappeared. Sentimental sod.

I got annoyed when I told the midwife we'd been married the previous week and she grabbed my hand to see what jewel-festooned engagement ring he'd got me. And looked really, really disappointed for me when I told her all that engagement ring shite gave me hives. She clearly thought I was putting a brave face on it. I do have an engagement ring- one which belonged to my great-grandmother, is over 100 years old, and means something to me for very personal reasons (she died when I was seven, but I remember her well). I wear this on the other hand... which my cousin told me made me look like a "lezzer."

My family...

DD had the best response to letters addressed to "Mrs DHFirstname Oursurname".

"Mummy! This letter is from a silly person who thinks Daddy is a girl!"

Something I just saw in Next. And maybe I've been on this thread too long but, in the boys' section, a t-shirt with the words "Born to Rule" on it. Really? I mean I actually have a lot to say on the subject of boys being born into the patriarchy but I don't think Next would understand.

DH was minding DD1 clearly not himself.

Yes Mrs DH Surname makes my blood boil. Especially on Christmas cards from my NCT group.

FFS you hardly ever saw DH as I was the only second timer and he was minding DH. You are all educated career women, why do you conform to such an old fashioned form of address.

Mr and Mrs DH first name surname

I said to serial offender: my friends call me myfirstname and the rest of the world address me as Dr mysurname.

On the name change thing, I really do think it is rightfully each woman's choice; my own daughter took her husband's name on marriage. But it is the inequality of the practice that bothers me. Married people having the same name is fine, but why should it automatically be the husband's?

The societal assumption in English speaking countries that the woman will change her name is a symbolic vestige of coveture, the doctine in English common law that a woman's legal existence ceased upon marriage and merged into her husbands. And that irritates the hell out of me.

Women's tennis is unfortunately often crap, but the men are just as likely, more likely given today's results, to be having a bad day.

OMg wunda that's terrible!!

Today my boss said he would not be watching / betting on the women's tennis because it would all be "dependent on whether they'd had an argument with their boyfriends the night before"

Rage!

And don't get me started on the Julia Gillard thing. Line manager: do you think it's cos the Australians don't like lezzers?

Just cos she has no husband /kids!

Admittedly a long time ago - 25 years ago, but this still has a big impact on me.

I worked in an office. The company i worked for had 'tea ladies' who would make tea for the male managers. Even though I was the same level as these managers, I was not entitled to a cup of tea because I was a female!!!

Omg!

Why in all the life insurance adds I've seen it's always the man taking out the insurance??

Cause of course the financial impact of losing a wife/ female partner doesn't matter 'cause its the man who brings in the bacon. . .

I'm quarrelling with John Lewis about Boys' Toys and Girls' Toys:

Boys' Toys for 8-year-olds: Lego, Nerf guns and accessories, Rummikub.

Girls' Toys for 8-year-olds: Jewellery craft kits.

I just had to put this somewhere and you have given me a place... FIL is staying with us. DH has an annoying boss. He said something about it and FIL said, "is she in that job just because they needed a women supervisor?". Thankfully DH, who knows me and didn't want WWIII while I was driving, said, "no, she's good at her job, just this aspect is bad, nothing to do with her being a woman". FIL also asked if she is good-looking

I wanted to point out that DH had two really incompetent male bosses at his last job and oddly FIL never thought they had their jobs because they are have penises.

I'm going away on a school trip in a few months time. It's a residential and I'll be away for 4 days, 3 nights. Most of the women I have told this have said "but what about dd2?" Dd1 is 13 so everybody assumes she's old enough to more or less look after herself, but dd2 is 3 so they are horrified that I am leaving her. I'm leaving her with her father for 4 days, why on earth is that shocking?

Thank you about the discussion on surnames! It has become clear to me now.

I know what she means though - to some people, it's as if all surnames in the world automatically belong to men

Thank you, MRD you have understood me perfectly - but put it better than I did!

I think there is more coercion in this in many cases than usually acknowledged. I worked with someone who "hadn't got around to" changing her passport etc after marriage (= didn't want to). He booked a holiday for them in her married name and told her she had better hurry up and sort out her passport or she wouldn't be able to get on the plane.

She did. I told her, "you should have said, Have a nice holiday with Mrs x, whoever she is, because she isn't me - my name is Sarah Y"

Sorry didn't mean to derail the thread onto this topic as I know it has been done to death!!

It would be nice if I we could all have the same surnames as our kids. But yes, sometimes double barrelling doesn't work and it would be nice if the default wasn't for the woman to take the mans name.

Personally I would feel weird about changing my name because I'd feel like I was leaving "my" family and joining "his" side (which is exactly what happened in the old days when women were property)! - This is why it irritates me when others do it.

I guess if as many men did it or if it was normal for both partners to nc then that would be fine. But that's not the case and we still have the patriarchal default.

I'd also no longer feel like me.

I don't know what we will do if DP and I have a child (I have dd8 who has my name and her dads dbl barrelled - we never married) as even when we get married I will keep my name but feel strongly about sharing a surname with my child. Double barrelling in our case would be a disaster! Maybe dc2 will have my surname as a middle name.