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Original poster

Small things that make you angry and you feel you can't mention elsewhere

583 replies

MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik · 11/06/2013 17:08

I was thinking that maybe we need one of those threads that reminds us we all have much more in common with each other, than any of us does with the misogynistic bigots. Smile

I don't know what the feministy equivalent of 'first world problem' is, but I bet there are loads of things you've been itching to point out annoy you, but don't start an AIBU about, or don't moan to your colleague/DH/mates about because it feels insignificant.

Maybe we can all have a good moan here - and maybe back each other up that these things typically aren't so small and insignificant really!

I will go first. I noticed the other day how, when I'm walking down a pavement, I automatically move to the side out of the way of busy men striding along with briefcases. Even when I'm busy. Confused Why do I do that? And how come I feel rude - and do get funny looks - when I don't do that?

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Original poster
MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik · 11/06/2013 19:52

Ooh ... gavrorf, you'd have loved the toilets at Radfem2013 then. As we were all women they'd set up the gents for us with screens across the urinals (not sure we were that delicate and blushing, but still). And the venue had set up signs reading 'ladies'. Someone promptly crossed out 'ladies' and wrote 'WOMEN'. Grin

It made me snigger, anyway.

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TheDoctrineOfAllan · 11/06/2013 19:49

The three main Octonauts being male.

LeGavrOrf · 11/06/2013 19:45

Being referred to as a lady. Fr some reason it sounds worse in the plural 'ladies'

Fuck off I am a woman.

Original poster
MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik · 11/06/2013 19:45

newton - ohhh, that was piss me off no end! It is annoying, isn't it? I mean, what on earth are you meant to do anyway?

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Original poster
MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik · 11/06/2013 19:44

Well, I wouldn't even call it 'chivalry' (I was being a bit sarcastic). I meant, it's clear it's perfectly possible to do little, courteous things for people without making anyone feel there's any sexism involved. It was quite obvious he'd have done exactly the same for a bloke.

Agree with you about 'having it all'. Hmm

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newtonupontheheath · 11/06/2013 19:43

I don't usually post in this section but its been bugging me for weeks...

Bloke across the road's girlfriend has moved in with him, and she has a sign in her car: "Beware! Woman driver!" Makes me want to weep Hmm

Why? Just why?!

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 11/06/2013 19:42

Yes Malenky - his chivalry made life nicer and better for you Smile rather than being an empty gesture for box ticking purposes.

I really hate the phrase 'having it all' - as if wanting a career, financial independence, children, good relationships and a varied and fulfilling life was crazy and irrational.

sayanything · 11/06/2013 19:34

The inevitable 'But who looks after your DC?" when I mention that my job involves a lot of traveling. Would anyone ever ask DH that? Mind you, I do call them up on it.

Original poster
MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik · 11/06/2013 19:32

Well said estoy. And how fucking creepy is that, if they think you are 'fair game'. Eww.

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Original poster
MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik · 11/06/2013 19:31

tondelayo - that does sound annoying.

However, on the subject of chivalry, I was at this radfem conference at the weekend, and we were all colonizing the pub opposite when my conference programme went flying away in the wind. A lovely bloke dashed after it for me and brought it back, and I thought, what a lovely man, because he's clearly seen all of us here, and seen my conference programme, and he didn't do anything artificial, he just did what he'd normally do for anyone.

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EstoyAqui · 11/06/2013 19:29

People assuming that I am not married as I have no ring on my finger. I'm happily married thank you but I don't need a ring on my finger to prove it. Also, just because I am not wearing one it doesn't make me 'fair game'.

Being told 'you've got a right one there, mummy's boy', er no, he is 2 and just being affectionate.

Original poster
MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik · 11/06/2013 19:28

Oh, I hate that, it makes me think of Bridget Jones. Irrational, I know.

blistory - well said!

Can we also go with, women who don't currently have children being a fair target for umpteen dozen questions about why? Angry

Though, I will say, I proposed to DH and no-one has ridiculed me. It was clearly the sensible way around since I always knew he wanted to get married and I was the one who needed more time, so he would have felt pushy to propose.

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Nessalina · 11/06/2013 19:28

Customers that assume that the branch manager is a man, and look surprised when it turns out to be me! Yes, they let women run branches now too! Hmm

ToffeePenny · 11/06/2013 19:25

My American friends have a decent alternative to the 'man up' phrase:

'Put your Big Girl Panties on'

Tweet2tweet · 11/06/2013 19:24

When buying anything technical, sales assistants speak to the male. I once actually had some one on a helpline as if my husband was in the house. I asked why and the said 'because this involves a screw driver'!

I have a pgrad science related qualification so am technically more tech savvy than DH! However I'm not a man so doesn't matter ;)

Blistory · 11/06/2013 19:22

Women who choose not to have children being seen as freaks.

Men who choose not to have children being seen as fun loving bachelors.

Marriage - 2 grown up adults in a healthy loving relationship want to formalise that. Why on earth does it need the man to propose ? Why are women who propose generally pitied and ridiculed ?

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 11/06/2013 19:20

I work in a listed building with ancient and tiny lifts. Whenever there is a group of men and women in the lift, most of the men, being chivalrous annoying, will insist on the women leaving first even if this means squeezing past them in a crammed space with dodgy doors. It's really inconvenient and it's not polite or gentlemanly.

bisley · 11/06/2013 19:19

I went to see Star Trek recently. The adverts beforehand really made me feel like I just wasn''t supposed to be there. Even the ones that weren't for 'blokey things' like beer and cars (because I neither drink beer or drive cars, what with being a laydee...) were all about boys/men. Except for the last one which featured Joanna Lumley talking about what a 'thicky' she was about computers! Argh!

Blistory · 11/06/2013 19:16

The default being man annoys me too. Why always him, he, man , or male ?

Just been for a walk with the dog and even with a dog, the default is 'him' if the dog is big and hairy. No, she is big and hairy and can be aggressive - they aren't characteristics or traits only man dogs have. Nor is a big, hairy dog something that I can't handle as a mere woman but thanks for telling me that only five minutes ago.

Optimist1 · 11/06/2013 19:14

Don't get me started!! A couple of my pet gripes ...

The fact that saying your title is "Ms" still astonishes people - I've chosen to be Ms for more years than I care to admit, and it still isn't taken as "normal". (There are some websites where you have no option but "Mrs" or "Miss"!)

People who refer to fathers looking after their children as "babysitting" when they wouldn't dream of applying that term to mothers.

The driving things (above).

Must stop now, or I'll work myself into a frenzy!!

mikkii · 11/06/2013 19:12

The fact that when DH has to work (or has to go out Hmm) on his day to look after DC3, it is somehow MY job to make alternative arrangements. You see my mother every week, you see your own mother every week, their phone numbers are programmed into the phone. YOU ask them for once.

ExasperatedSigh · 11/06/2013 19:12

The fact that Hollywood film poster s always have the male actors' names first, even on the rare occasion that the film's central character is a woman.

Original poster
MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik · 11/06/2013 19:09

Veet just doesn't work on me. I could leave it there overnight and I'd still be furry.

sugar - woman up, will ya?!

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SugarandSpice126 · 11/06/2013 19:09

Blistory I'm exactly the same about hair - I wish I didn't care or was brave enough to not be pressured into it!

SugarandSpice126 · 11/06/2013 19:07

"Man up"...I need an alternative! I hate it but it sounds so petty to call people up on it!