Women have their little careers till they have babies. Then they do as little as possible, preferably not working at all after that

Sorry I missed your apology. I object to the words I quoted from your title.

You have a good point OP.

DH & I both work. DH works in an office, 37.5 hrs per week, Monday to Friday. I work in healthcare and, depending on shifts, can work anywhere from 10 to 50 hours per week. I do shift work, which generally covers evenings/nights/weekends/bank holidays etc. so DH is then at home with the DC.

My main gripe is the amount of times people ask me "who looks after your children while you work?". I reply "my DH, their father" which is more often than not greeted with a surprised "oh does he, oh that is good of him after a full day's work!". WTF? But it's not "good" of me to work all evening/night and then look after the DC next day because, as their mother, it's my responsibility right?

Admittedly, I do work with the elderly & I accept that attitudes have (or should have!) changed over the years. However, I have had much younger people (generally colleagues without DC) say the same thing to me, which is fairly depressing .

If the headline were in quotation marks, would it be less annoying?

I've seen this attitude too. In fact I am getting really sick of strangers telling me I'm wasting my time studying because I won't have time to get a career off the ground before I give it up to have babies.

It is such an outdated attitude that most couples could expect to survive on one income, too.

There are a fair few women who fit the description. At DH's work the second woman in as many years had one child, came back PT and is now going on ML for the second, and not coming back. This is a small company. The response was, "Oh well, never mind, at least we did not spend too much money training her up and she wasn't critical". For small businesses employing women of childbearing age is a risk, and I think the bitterness about it, and the repeated experience of it happening, feeds into the attitude described in the title.

I'm with Seeker. I really don't like your thread title. "Little careers...and then they do as little as possible". .

How the heck do you know what all these women do?

When I read the title in active convos, I thought "oh here we go, this will be a bun fight! Which troll has started this?"

Really not nice.

My cousin and his wife, who have no children, both left their fairly high-powered careers a fee years ago
They now work for themselves, and take as much work as they need to fund the travel and other stuff that they do the rest of the time. It seems to net out at about 50% working - but more like month on, month off than 2.5 days a week. I think it's a great arrangement and one that will become more and more common as we all live longer and work longer.

More relevantly to the OP, I would love DH to be asked why he works FT as often as I am. As for daring to travel occasionally for work - I have had it made very clear to me how bad a parent that makes me, by SAHMs whose DHs are away all week, every week, and they see no irony at all

MORE people of both sexes should work p/t for more reasons IMO. I know people who have been p/t due to a serious sporting career or care of elderly relatives or to do further study or art.... If p/t was seen as valid rather than the "mummy track" then who does more childcare wouldn't be an issue in the workplace.

I was the only one in my ante natal class who went back full time. All my family assumed I would be part time at most.

Here if you dont work people think your lazy or probably a benefit scrounger etc. Eg ' She got pregnant to push her pram round town and shes too lazy to do any work'. If you work everyone says well done you at least you bother doing something etc.

I think its staying at home that is really looked down open by most people, as its seen as not doing anything, and the easy option.

Everyone is judged.

If you are a FT wOHM oh are venal and judged 'why did ou have children if you are not going to bother to raise them?'

PT working mother, worst of both worlds and you are on the mummy track at work, why bother working at all as you don't take it seriously.

FT SAHM - lazy and don't use your brain. Live off your husband

All of us are judged when none of us should be for simply making the best decisions for our own circumstances

*hear

I think its seen as the normal choice to work after children. If you didnt everyone says you dont do much, or wonder why. I always here 'she hasnt even got a job, she doesnt even work' etc from both genders.

I definitely think its seen as more normal and socially acceptable to work then to be a SAHM.

I'll have to remember a mother's place is in the wrong.

It sums up the situation perfectly. You can have equality until you dare to produce another human being, at which point anything you do is wrong!

Thanks for clarifying the title - I was feeling a little defensive!

I totally agree with emphatic that it doesn't matter what you do, as a mum you will get judged for working ft, pt and for not working at all.

So, uncaring of your children or a drain on society. Take your pick

What a refreshing thread! As it happens I am a sahm but i agree with what you are all saying re assumptions. I think had I had a different profession pre babies i may well have gone back to work, mine just did not work with childcare combined with my dh's job as he travels a lot. But I agree wholeheartedly we should all support and help each other, we are all doing our best.
My incredible rude mil really annoyed me at my dd2's christening when she was speaking to my mummy friends (some of whom work part time and some of whom work full time), saying "I assume you are working for financial reasons?". Fortunately they all know how batty I think she is and one of my friends turned round to her and said "erm, no, I work because I want to". I think (hope) that this kind of attitude is dying out. I am quite open to my working mum friends about worries I have about my dds missing out on things because they are stuck with me all day, and they discuss their concerns about childcare with me, and we all comfort and encourage one another, and that is the way it should be!