Women have their little careers till they have babies. Then they do as little as possible, preferably not working at all after that

I worked before having DS1 (9). Went part time afterwards because financially we made more that way with childcare costs.

Then stopped working (personal reasons) and was on benefits. Met my now DH and started working again full time when DS started school.

Still work FT but not for much longer as 20 weeks pregnant with triplets.

I would definatly like to return to work - think I'm going to need to for my sanity! - I will probably only return PT at first (when they are a year) and then maybe FT when they start school.

There will be the financial side of it to consider. Childcare wise we think a nanny will be cheapest as full time childcare for 3 will be about £3000 a month!

However, myself and my husband work for the same firm and both have the 'same' position. It has been discussed that we will become a 'job share' until they start school as then there won't be childcare costs and we can (hopefully!) keep on top of the house keeping between us as well.

mn phenomena is post happy to work ft someone quips you must be in denial/bet you really want to be a housewife/doesnt your man earn enough

Oh! Totally cross posted with others about SAHDs! My MIL would be exactly the same - she is fabulous and wouldn't dream of 'interfering' with my child business. DH . . . Not quite the same. His own dad asked me in front of him if he was capable of changing a nappy. Totally seriously. Poor Dh

This is a fascinating discussion.

When I was pregnant I had a number of colleagues say things to me such as "oh well, you'll not be caring about this anymore" and "it's amazing how quickly you stop caring about work"

I was really riled by these but thinking back they were made by one or two women. One of them said "I left my brain in the maternity ward 20 years ago" and this made me a bit sad. There was nothing wrong with her brain but she obviously just felt a bit lacking.

I went to work to say hi recently and a few people commiserated about my impending return with the comment "you'll be dreading it". I'm not dreading it. I love my work and always have. I love my baby and am naturally anxious about leaving her. Can't I be both?

My DH will do the childcare when I go back as I earn a good income. Despite the fact I have a job and he doesn't is flexible many people have been surprised that I am returning full time.

When I can see past my own shoulder chip however, I realise that none of this is about me or my family's choices but about their own. Or, as I think froggy said merely chat. I do get how subjugated stay at home mums must feel. If it is any consolation, I am not sure stay at home dads get a great deal either

I am sure there are an equivalent set of comments made to SAHDs to which the response "would you say/ask the same to their mother?" would be appropriate. I know DH gets very wound up by DD's teacher asking when I will be home, for example.

all friends,family and work colleagues expected me to return
i met the precious moments crew pg and postnatal gp they were priceless
and the mw who asked me what did you used to do (past tense)?as if id died

i do challenge the i suppose you had to work comments (err no i didn't have to.i chose to)
its as if it s beyond comprehension that a woman wants to retain career and be a mum
its not a giving things up competition.prove you care by abandoning self to muthahood

I found that everyone expected me to go back to work.

I think its awful if women are made to feel like this, but also as a sahm welcome the choice. I know you are not bashing sahm's OP, it does exist though at great depths sometimes.
Surely, shouldn't we welcome the choices we already have. I know its not ideal and theres a long way to go yet, but it seems like equality is heading in the right direction no?

i went back ft after 6mth.the only jip i got was from females (not work colleagues obv)
it ranged from the face,to outright hostility and why have em to leave with strangers
colleagues at work,friends,family all supportive of return to work.not til mn did i know the ferocity of feeling about this

i work ft because i want to,dont need to financially -am fortunate in that i love my career
i dont want to be financially dependent upon a partner
and i dont want to enact a patriarchal stereotype of man work,wee woman potter about at home largely occupied with him, and childcare
i want my dc to a have role model of seeing mum work and contribute and not solely dad work,mum at home

i think if woman chooses to be housewife she is enacting a stereotypical role,which to an extent fulfils the comment op is discussing

When I was about 30 weeks pregnant with my first my then employer tried to select me for redundancy (which I fought successfully, because their selection criteria were pants and applied incorrectly) - it was a very stressful time, and not made easier by some idiots commenting "aww, don't worry about it, you won't want to work once you had the baby anyway". I'm still angry years later.

Depends on your friends and family though frog, you sound lucky! :)

Like with bf, you pick a side and you often feel judged one way or the other but if you spend a bit of time online or talking to friends you do hear stories of people verbally abusing bf women, so sometimes I think becuse it matters to you, you sort of steele your self up for a fight? You know what I mean? Like, go one, have a go, I fucking dare you. I think it's almost to make yourself ready if someone says something so you dont turn in to a mess. Rather than hoping someone will say something rude

Ok, so I guess I can only speak from experience. But nobody has ever given me the 'such a shame' tone, or if they have, I haven't felt judged. My DH has had people comment that it's a shame he only sees DD in the mornings. And he says, 'yes, it is'. But so what? It's our choice?

I don't feel 'opinionated' by threads like this one, but I am always curious about how everyone else does feel so judged, and why people are so keenly ready to defend their choices (i.e. like the bfeeding point earlier) when in RL I can't say I have ever experienced this to such an extreme as people often quote on threads.

Curious, that's all

Didn't intend to rant on so much!

Mat leave could well be 6 months or less. Just how bloody established is anything at that point?

Especially compared to say a decade or two of education and building a career for some women.

As soon as you decide to go back to work, arranging child care is not your problem. It is yours and your partners joint problem frog

SPB mine are 6 and 10 and I still get the comments.

The whole work children thing is one of the hardest things I've ever done/am still doing. Despite working in a very male dominated industry with some very chauvinist men the whole kids vs work issue is the only time I've really felt anti feminist sentiment in society.

AND I am totally frigging lucky, my dad has a company in the industry I work in and dh and I work together sharing work and childcare. Even with that setup I still feel judged all the time. I feel judged by sahm. I feel judged by full time mums. I feel judged by pretty much all males.

When will each family makes their own choice ever be ok?!

I am NOT talking about changing an established routine for the sake of it, FGS. I am talking about challenging stupid assumptions. Established routine is a nonsense anyway. Mat leave could well be 6 months or less. Just how bloody established is anything at that point?