Women have their little careers till they have babies. Then they do as little as possible, preferably not working at all after that

X posts sorry.
I like the analogy with advertising and do agree to some extent. For me, more than anything, teaching children to question "the way things are" is of crucial importance. I many not have children, but as a year six teacher I feel massively privileged to be in the position where my pupils are just starting to know their own minds and form their own opinions.

In that case what, practically, can you do with those rude comments questioning your decisions, apart from a short "it works for us, thanks."
You can do nothing apart from setting your own example, and it still seems to yet again boil down to women belittling other women's decisions.

"Stuffez because society's assumptions can limit real people. They can make girls think that that is what is expected of them. They allow a generation of men to believe that their career take precendence. And they cause me to scream myself hoarse in my head. Having something important to you dismissed is quite irritating - and rightly so I'd say.

Absolutely. I have always made it very clear to y children that I had a career-and a very successful one before I decided to stop it to be at home. And I bang on at tedious length about how we came to the decision and why and we have always made sure that they have loads of different role models who have different priorities. Earning money is not the only way to be a good role model.

Why will they be limited though? Mine certainly weren't and won't be. If FB is anything to go by (ha!) my peers are all achieving well in their respective careers. You simply cannot change the mindsets of people who make downright rude comments like that. All you can do is set a positive example to your OWN children of what a healthy parental relationship looks like.
And no children for me, so a non issue on that front!

And if I did have children I genuinely can't imagine giving two flying fucks what anyone thought of my decision to work.

Then surely the work issue needs discussing before having babies, because i could NEVER have a child with a man who believed his career was any more "special" than mine.
I'd be interested to know from people on here who received snotty, nosy comments about working post birth, whether those comments came from men or women.
I know as a childless woman, my experience is limited, but I do think we are lucky to live in a country where couples can make the decision themselves.

My assumption when I was growing up was that I was going to work and never wanted to get married and didn't want children. Now I'm married with two kids and working as a childminder. Sometimes life just takes its own course...

But when I go back home (where childcare is very cheap, available, not perfect but very much subsidised) nearly all mums go back to work.
It's a debate on many other boards but I know from experience that if childcare is very cheap, most women will go back to work. When the new childcare system was introduced (about 15 years ago) the working culture changed overnight. It costs about £5 a day - a DAY - to send a child to a state run nursery.

Or ur in a job where it's irrelevant?

Gosh do I wish that for my dds....

We do talk. I am pleased we can. Its better than when i started work, might be great by time dds grandchildten do work! Just "the rules" make many of us compromise in order to keep us fitting in without rocking the boat. I'd like to change those rules is all I'm sayin' I'd like it better, now.

But I'm impatient. ;)

I would be interested to know how working patterns have changed in the last 30 years.
When I was in primary school (1980s) those friends at school who didn't have a parent at home to go to straight after school were a tiny minority. There were no afterschool clubs either, most went to a grandparent's and there were a few childminders but not many. I don't know if this was my area or a national picutre.

[my mum worked nightshift and dad worked from home so it's not that all those families had a sAHP).

What I think is that it really doesn't matter what other people ASSUME. Why does it?

Have to say, this "assumption" business is pissing me off a bit now. So fucking what if people "assume?" I just don't get why people don't thank their lucky stars they live in a country where couples are able to talk as equal partners and decide how divide up labour in and out of the house.
If anyone feels the need to comment, what's wrong with a polite "it works for us, thanks." ?

Er not in my experience. Cannot believe I've met the only women who do this. Men just assume the actual status quo won't alter. Often times I'm not sure they are wrong!

Stealth.

I suppose I am not able to to fully relate to your OP has it isn't something I find a lot of today tbh. Although, obviously I'm not denying it exists.
I had my first dc over 21 years ago and found it pretty much like that then. Childcare was not easily available and society did really expect women to either have a little job for pin money or sah. They were certainly expected to fit in with their dh. There were the mc workers who were paying full price for childcare but were the minority rather than the majority.
I had quite a shock when first coming on these threads to find i was in a minority group and indeed that far more families had both parents working. I too thought, but what about the kids. I wasn't being mean but the shift in society and my own upbringing and values put upon parenting were different to this. So maybe you don't see the huge improvements that I see, far more choices, more childcare provision.
I'm not saying its hunky dory, obviously still a way to go, but the difference in the last 20+ years to me is hugely significant.
Who knows where we will be in another 20 years.

i hated being at home

babies are like leeches

not a lot of people feel like me though tbh

As i said the only jip ive had about ft work is from women,the face,the why have em
It's all part of presumed maternal guilt and if anyone giving something up it's mum
And it's well embedded on mn,accompanied by research from shitsville uni

90% of roles could be done differently from 9-5 mon-fri for example but we accept over years of training that they never wil be.

Unless that belief that roles can be structured differently now with the additional tools of laptops/iPads etc alters I'm unsure how things will change?