Really proud of my 17 year old daughter

Some people will be posting at work and prefer to use asterisks for that reason.

namechange A question for you, Wilson - can you easily access stuff that people post on Facebook, Twitter etc

Obviously it depends on the person. Sweeping generalisation, but the older you are, the more likely you are to be concerned about privacy so the chances of someone being able to access your online presence is minimised.

Today's teenagers - as a general rule - do not seem that fussed about their privacy settings, so yes, a little googling and a little bit of following your nose and you can usually find out an awful lot about a younger person.

In my previous employment - we certainly wouldn't have been encouraged to do any online checks as they were very big on not allowing your personal prejudices interfere with the recruitment process. In my current life (small business owner) I google most people before I do business with them. (Nosiness, really.) I also google myself every month or so to check I'm still as tightly protected as I think I am.

It's been a while since I worked in large organisations though and I would be very, very, surprised if some employers don't do a google sweep as part of their referencing procedure. And this will become more and more popular.

Put it this way. Most businesses don't want to take on employees who, say, take recreational drugs. Previously you would have had no way of finding this out, apart from drug tests, which is a step too far for most companies in terms of legislation and resources. But if you can now simply google someone and see them with wild eyes and a caption saying 'on it big style' which was posted last Saturday... What conclusion are you going to reach and what decision are you going to make about that person? (Note I'm not saying if this is right or wrong! I'm just saying this is what's now possible)

Sorry for hi-jack OP.

"unlike you, of course, you lack the warmth and depth required to be one".

Oh, I like that one, Nicholas. Will steal it for future use.

I very rarely never use the word cunt irl but I don't object to it's use on MN. Utterly ridiculous to get knickers in a twist about the swear words and not about the content of the OP.

NickT - I heart your DD too

NT, I said the following in my first post on here, on the first page;

'She makes valid points - I just think the swearing detracts.'

Others have made exactly the same point. I don't see any reason to single me out.

I was also unaware of the challenging issues that you have just alluded to. I have maintained throughout that the issue I have with bad language is a personal one. I am not trying to tell you how to bring up your own kid. I hope she is okay.

totally agree about asterisks though, Russell Brand did a very good set about how reading is accepting letters to create words.. so if you swap c*nt for cunt you have still spelled cunt. It just a way for newspapers to stay out of trouble

I never used the word cunt tei before I lived in the UK. I had only ever heard to really degrade and abuse women. I also never really accepted that a community could "take a word back",but after hearing it used (fairly frequently) in the community I lived in, and constantly on mumsnet and also reading why some feminist see it as a good word for vagina...I have to say, it has taken the sting out of the word. When I was younger I'd have cried if someone had called me it or even felt shaken to hear it. it had such nasty history to me. I much prefer to see a 17 year old say patriarchal cunts then see her be shaken by being called a cunt. If it enters her normal conversational vernacular she's taken the shock value out if the word.

Oh, should have said--DisorganisednotDysfunctional, that's very good.

"it may be that a male using c__t as an insult adds another layer of offensiveness"

But when a female does it, it's... a feminist statement? And when the user disavows being a feminist it's... well I just don't know.

And it is CUNT. I don't think people should swear in public*, but it's much worse if they're cowardly about it, with dashes and asterisks. Like going around naked in public, do it if you must, but spare us the fig leaves.

• As I said before, unless there is actual fire or actual blood.

Me, when people use the word "cunt" as a swear word, I say "What? Warm, soft & extremely popular?"

Usually gets a rueful smile, sometimes even an acknowledgement of my point.

The man was being sexist. He wouldn't have called me a bitch. It isn't rocket science. But agreed - let's ignore each other.

a man calling a woman a bitch because she asked him to turn off his phone is the same as a person getting offended by racist or sexist language?Thu appear to have missed the point spectacularly, so I'll not bother to engage with you. it's part of my new policy.

Maybe we would. There are two other discussions on here about the use of offensive language;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1716715-grrr-asking-a-man-to-not-use-his-phone-in-the-quiet-cartiage-makes-me-a-bitch-appatently

and

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1717833-What-would-it-mean-if-sexual-hate-words-were-banned

So the use of offensive language seems to be a popular discussion at the moment. Plus it may be that a male using c__t as an insult adds another layer of offensiveness, as per the first thread above.

if the op's son had called 2 of his friends racist cunts after they had said black people waking though a white neighbood should expect harassment for daring time to do so... would we be having thus conversation?

Agree with Sabrina.

The swearing? You're all upset about the swearing?

You should be upset about this:

Cue two of her male friends who argued that women who dress in skimpy clothing are more likely to be harassed and sexually assaulted

Because the fact that these, presumably, young men believe (and will publicly argue) that women are to blame for their own sexual harassment/assault because of what they wear is far, far more outrageous than a few swear words.

My daughter is growing up in this culture.

A question for you, Wilson - can you easily access stuff that people post on Facebook, Twitter etc., in your former professional capacity? I always assumed this might be a bit of an urban myth. Does it just come down to personal security settings, e.g. public vs. private? Are there ways of circumventing this?

Suit the language to the message, I say. The fact that rape myths are still so prevalent in 2013, the fact that (presumably the men who were commenting were peers of Nick's daughter) 17 year old men still believe these rape myths - wasn't this supposed to be the generation that didn't 'need feminism', did they miss that memo? - I'd say that calls for the biggest, nastiest words at our disposal.

Fuck being nice. Be angry.

As a small business owner and as someone who used to recruit for a very large organisation, if I googled Nick's DD as a candidate and found this, it would put her up my list, not down. Unlikely to feel the same way about the people she was arguing with, though.

Well, that's fair enough Sunny, but I am sure you would agree that it is at least a bone of contention.

Also, there have been discussions on here recently about why feminism fails to connect with so many women. Questions are asked about whether it's the message, the tone, etc. Even the OP's daughter states that she herself does not identify as a feminist. So, perhaps, in this case the tone is relevant, given that it could come across as unnecessarily sweary. Maybe some people who read it might think 'that is too angry/aggressive for me'. The unladylike thing is a red herring. Teenagers of both genders seem to think that this language is acceptable in any given situation. I have had to have words with some of them in real life - sometimes I don't think they even realise they are doing it as it has become so commonplace. I am talking about 'nice' kids here too, not just rascals and tearaways.

On a thread about it,yes,it is worth discussing name.

I'm not sophisticated,didn't know I had to be when I signed up.

I have been called a cunt so many times by men that I'm kind of unshockable now,so I can move past that to the point of the thread.

And the point is that I for one am impressed by the hope that this generation of up and coming women are unafraid to stand up and be counted.

namechangeguy I'm not expecting a unanimous 'you go girl' discussion. But I've seen so many feminist discussions derailed by critique of the speaker's tone or language, because it's 'unladylike' and feminists should be meek and they'd get on better.

I'm a feminist and I prefer the c word to other words for female genitalia, I don't see it as demeaning to women.

We are discussing what she posted on FB, after the OP presented it to us. How is that derailing? Unless comment and discussion is to be abandoned and replaced with back-slapping and inane 'you go girl!' type-comments. I thought this place was a bit more sophisticated than that.

For example, some feminists find the use of 'c__t' as an insult to be sexist and demeaning to women. Is that not worth discussing?

I think your daughter is great OP.

And how very unusual for a feminist discussion to be derailed into a discussion about the use of language and tone. Fuxache.