If you didn't change your surname when you got married

I didn't change my name and our DC have both names as surnames but unhyphenated IYSWIM. My name is boring and easy to spell, DH's is long and foreign and complicated so maybe they will choose one or the other later in life or decide to keep both.

I didn't take H's name. Both boys have their fathers's surnames (DS1 is from a previous relationship). If either had been a girl, she'd've had mine. Seemed the most sensible way to do it. I'm not having any more though.

I didnt change my name but my children have my ex husbands name.

My ex left us for an OW. A couple of years back after ex remarried and his new wife took his surname, DS2 asked to change his surname to mine, but ex wouldnt agree so he had to stay as he was

I didn't change my name but my children have my husband's surname, with my surname as a middle name. I find it personally to be a bad compromise. I feel that they don't really have my name, as the middle name gets overlooked.

Plus why did my principles only extend as far as my name? I kept my name as I am not my husbands property. But my children are equally mine, so their name should reflect this and it doesn't. Our surnamea don't work double barreled.

Not sure what compromise i should have gone for. Combined our surnames? Whole new family name? not sure what the answer is but I still feel a sense of detachment when I hear their names called in full, as I don't have a strong connection to their surname. Which is sad.

I'm the same as a couple of others, I kept my surname, DD and DS have my husband's surname with my surname as a second middle name. I never had any intention of giving up my surname, my husband's family just ignore that, and sometimes mine do too which really annoys me! As does people asking why you bothered to get married as if all that's important about it is the wife giving up part of her identity.

DC have Dh's surname and my surname as a third middle name, so that they could use either or both if they chose. They would find it odd to have different surnames, I think - one of the things that has really struck me about their sibling relationship (I am an only child) is how much of a 'gang' they are. Interestingly they have recently started saying they'd like me to have the same name as them so I might in fact adopt DH's name after all . We've been married for 15 years.

We both have seriously awful surnames. My mother and MIL must both have loved their husbands a lot to have taken their names (they are from the generation which would not have questioned it, both both went from pleasant, normal names to FILs/my DDad's) . Our two names would be even worse double-barrelled.

DS's both have DH's surname, as his is marginally less awful than mine.

We're in a similar situation. Our names would make a ridiculous double barrel, and neither really wants to give up their own name to take the other's.

As a compromise, I have suggested that we choose a name we both like (e.g. invented or a good one from our family trees), and we will all change our names.

Our child has my surname for now- we did that as a bit of a lottery so as to be fair..!

Our DCs do have DH's name (for mostly aesthetic reasons). But I know some families where all the DCs have the mother's name, one where the girls have the mother's name and the boys have the father's name, and ine where the boys have the mother's name and the girls have the father's name.

I didn't take dh name when we got married. I guess I used to be political about it, annoyed when I couldn't use the prefix ms etc. i would always have kept my name. When dd1 was born, I wanted to give her my surname as a middle name and then dh as her final surname. However, dd1 was stillborn, and to be honest giving her my surname was not an issue. We gave her the first name we loved and had always wanted to give our long-awaited first born. And dhs surname, the perfect name. When I saw her name written on her coffin, I wanted to change my surname to be the same as her. I didn't, but I am less fussed about it now. My four surviving dds have my husbands name. The oldest is six and they are not at all phased that I have a different name. So many people warned us that it would be an issue. Never has, and we have travelled overseas a number of times (on a number of different nationality passports as five of us are dual citizens). Never had a problem.

Though, dhs surname is a much, much nicer name than mine!

It's so true that it's feminism that has given us the ability to make these decisions without too much hassle.

In that the tartan is his surname.

Dd has my name and ds has dh's name. Fair's fair.

Dd adores and I mean adores my family and really identifies with the name.

Ds is too young to know what his surname is, let alone identify with it. He and dh will bond over kilt wearing though so I'm guessing he'll grow attached to his name too.

ah, my area of expertise!

I'm don, he's payne, dd is paydon.
a completely made up name for her that is exactly half me and him.

Weirdly, it never occurred to me not to give the kids DH's name, though I kept my name. I wish that it had occurred to me though.

In the maternity hospital, the bracelets on the baby are Baby YourSurname (so that they "belong" to you as the other patient) and I think I once read that the custom was to give the baby the mother's surname - it just so happened that for a long time that was the father's surname anyway. Don't know if that's right though.

I've kept my name, DS has DH's name (with mine as a second middle name) and we have decided to give any DDs my surname and DH's as a second middle one.

All our relatives seem to call us whatever they like anyway

I'm Ms A married to Mr B. Our children have my surname. This has never caused anyone any problems.

I'm Ms A, married to Mr C. Our son is something, something, a as a middle name C as his surname.

I'm passionate about not being defined by my husband's name, but I don't mind my children having their Dad's surname. If his surname was horrid, I'd feel differently, but there's nothing wrong with it. And double barrelling our names would have been clunky.

timetoask you say you're not a feminist... you may not have chosen to keep your name for feminist reasons, but if you're in the uk, the fact that you have the right to keep your name on marriage is a reflection on what feminism has achieved.

That's not really a problem for us exotic, we've both got fairly unusual names, so it's not unfair in that sense.

Really for us the decision was made for us in a sense. Dd1 was 6 before I met dp, so she obviously already had my name (she's never met her father, so she definitely doesn't have his name), so it was only dd2's name that was up for debate. It didn't cause quite the same problems as if they were both 'ours' and we chose to give them different names.

If we have another child I think we'd probably give it dp's surname so it's the same as it's closest sibling.

I think I would be a bit cross with my parents- if they had done it with my brother and I. One is a very unusual name and one is very common- it wouldn't be fair.

I wouldn't do the different surnames thing myself but I don't think it's unreasonable. There isn't a perfect solution.

I'm not married but I have 2 dds. Dd1 has my surname, dd2 has dp's surname. I can't see how it is going to be confusing for the girls, but then again they won't be at the same school at the same time anyway.

The only confusion so far has been the cm with dd2. When filling in paperwork for a particular toddler group they go to she couldn't remember dd2's surname so gave her mine instead. That's fine by me.

It may be confusing for the teachers when dd2 goes to school but that's because I will have more dealings with school (because I am a teacher and know a bit more about what questions to ask, not because dp isn't interested), but that would have been the case with any child with a different surname to either parent.

We're perfectly happy with our decision. Dp would have been happy for both dds to have my surname, but I wouldn't have been happy for them both to have his surname. His family would not have been happy if both dds had my surname though. If he ever disappears, which I don't think is likely, then I will change dd2's name to match dd1 and me.

I didn't change my surname (not a feminist, just don't see the point). Both our boys have DH's surname. I don't see a problem with it. They are still my sons.
I wouldn't have given them different surnames. What if you end up with 3 children?

We changed our names by deed poll to a new surname made up of our two surnames merged - we couldn't have double barrelled either. Would this work for you? We did it shortly before DC1 was born and so just registered her birth as normal with the new surname.

It felt a bit contrived at first but we're completely used to it now 5 years down the line and I love that we've created something new.