A vent re Mr and Mrs

but surely he can't be the only man in town to do this?

He might be!

VikingLady

"He says he is man enuogh not to care what other men think of him."

Excellent.

Oh, and I do comment on it to married/engaged friends. I keep it light, but I do ask in a "jokey" way if they are handing their bank accounts over too, along with their right to vote.... A lot of them don't know where the name change comes from (being identified with your husband's estate, servants would take his name too).

It is actually surprisingly difficult for a man to change his surname upon marriage - certainly in the part of the NE where DH and I live. We both went double barrelled, with my name last (an aesthetic decision). No problem for me, the bank etc were all fine with it. DH on the other hand........

The bank (Lloyds TSB) had to fetch their branch manager to deal with it, and she said they didn't have any forms to deal with this, didn't know the procedure, and did it matter to him that his account had the right name? He pointed out it would be the same procedure as for a woman and it was all sorted out, but surely he can't be the only man in town to do this?

A lot of comments about how I must be a ball breaker though

He says he is man enuogh not to care what other men think of him. I get grief for it though.

It's completely disingenuous to pretend that a man changing his surname is loaded in exactly the same way as a woman doing the same thing. People do what is easy for them and a woman wanting to dump a surname has a very easy non controversial way of doing it in a way that a man just hasn't got. Ditto an unmarried/unattached woman. My mum's friend has a dd who changed her surname years ago (don't know why) and whenever my mum mentions it she always mentions the name change. "You know Karen's dd, Lisa, the one who changed her name." etc. People don't like to say to their family that they hate their name because its bloody awful or they don't like their Dad or they don't like being part of their family. It's very socially awkward so to do it the pros need to outweigh the cons and they usually don't.

Oh, and I think the "I changed my name to DH's because I didn't like it anyway" argument is a complete red herring. After all, how many men change their name to their wives because it is ugly or difficult to spell, or reminds them of their awful parents? Pretty much none!

I don't particularly understand why people get married, unless there are particular issues around children, property and inheritance which makes marriage a sensible option. I married for the above reasons, and am very happy. However I don't think the marriage made me a different person - it was a confirmation of something that had been going on already and which gave me a framework for being myself. I don't like the consumerfest around modern weddings, and the namechange also seems like a way of fooling yourself. ('I'm going to be a different person now' 'No, you are who you always were, it's just that you are trying to make a big and difficult commitment to someone else as well.') I change my name from my birth name in my early twenties and didn't change it again when I got married. (Hate those 'Mr and Mrs' cards, though they are normally from an older generation in my case.)

I have an unusual surname and am constantly spelling it. DH has a common, boring old name. Why would I want a boring name?

I struggle to understand why people want to change their name

My mum had an unusual surname and constantly had to spell it to everyone.

Her married name is in the top 5 most common names in the country.

She actually broke up with a guy because she didn't like his surname.

I was delighted to get rid of my "maiden name". Never gave it a second thought. I am happy to be referred to as Mrs xx or if letters are addressed to mr & mrs - it really doesn't mean enough to me to worry about it.

Totally respect the opposite viewpoint though.

Incidentally, in this age of the internet I've had a number of old friends contact me, who I had lost touch with before marriage. They would never know to search online for "NotGood DHName", and if they did it's so common they would never find me anyway.

I've kept the name I inherited from my father because I'd had it for over 30 years when I married. I like it, in combination with my first name it's unusual, and it suits me.

I really freaked out in the run up to our wedding, because for some reason I thought DH would want me to take his name and I wasn't prepared to do so. So I talked with him and he said I could call myself whatever I liked, he didn't care if we shared a surname.

We get the odd Christmas card from relatives (like my dad, who does not listen when I tell him I've kept my name) who call us Mr and Mrs HName. It's annoying, but not hugely so.

I'm glad to have had the choice. My DSis has taken her husband's name which was also her choice.

It's not your father's, it's yours: whatever the original intent was in naming you. It's your name.

It's like people who refuse to get married because in historical times, marriage was like trading goods. It's not like that now (well except in cultures where it is ) so I never really understand that argument.

I don't see how using my husband's name is more patriarchal than using my father's TBH.

I felt taking my husband's name was good enough for my mum and MIL, both strong women who have achieved plenty in their lives and careers, and it was good enough for me. Good luck to everyone in their own choices.

Sorry, my opening sentence wasn't meant to be a question, rather a statement

I also hate how women are asked to identify their marital status via differentiating between Miss and Mrs?

Why?

I always put Ms down on forms because I feel it is both irrelevant, insulting and intrusive to ask me to define myself by my marital status.

I have also combined my original surname with my husband's as I wanted to express something about myself as being an individual but also joined in marriage.

Agree that women becoming Mrs Husband's Surname seem a little sad and antiquated.. well just my opinion anyway.

Just realized something!

Look at me spouting on about how women should keep their names when not only have a taken a man's last name, I have also taken his first!

"Me too OP. I die a little bit inside every time I see one of those updates. Wish I had asked my DH to post "So proud to be Dr [Bue's surname]!" after our wedding. He so would have done it.

Yes agreed, why do women do it? I will never understand.

"Kendodd, this goes against every fibre in my being but in your case I would probably do it. Mainly because it could be considered a branding issue and I think a catchy name can affect people's perceptions of a business and a brand. What is the business?"

Am I a hypocrite or what? In my defence it would only be at work, it wouldn't be my 'real' name and I have been married a long time keeping my own name. It's not just an unconscious decision. And DH does have a pretty cool name, it would work really well.

I'm with you too, bling, it is depressing, and cheesy to boot.

"So many men laugh or get cross at the suggestion that they could change their name to their wife's. Why is that?
If it's only a name, and oh so trivial really.
Call it a choice if you like, but the fact that it's nearly always the woman changing her name makes it look rather unlike a choice. "

It's mostly not an active "choice", it's people following tradition without actually thinking about it. Or, if their DH kicks up a stink about the possibility that they might not want his glorious name but their own, they think briefly then go along with tradition.

"I'm with you, bling. I struggle to understand why people want to change their name - my name is my name, if I changed surname I would feel like a different person."

Totally agree.

Me too OP. I die a little bit inside every time I see one of those updates. Wish I had asked my DH to post "So proud to be Dr [Bue's surname]!" after our wedding. He so would have done it.

Kendodd, this goes against every fibre in my being but in your case I would probably do it. Mainly because it could be considered a branding issue and I think a catchy name can affect people's perceptions of a business and a brand. What is the business?

What do you think I should do?

I'm married 17 years, didn't take DH's name, what to start my own business, his name would sound so much better than mine. I think I'm going to use his name. What'd think?

I made the CHOICE and it was entirely mine, to take my husbands name when we were married. My sister made the choice not to take her husbands name. It's our personal choice. I hate being called Ms, I always correct it to Mrs. I hate being called "partner", I always correct it to wife. I'm proud and happy to be married to my husband, why shouldn't I take his name if I want to?
And I am most certainly not his subordinate!!!

THERhubarb - you give them any surname you like!