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Original poster

So now Mumsnet deletes posts on the grounds that they're offensive to people with religious beliefs and MRA's

188 replies

FastidiaBlueberry · 17/02/2013 12:55

On the circumcision thread a post of mine was deleted and when I asked mumsnet why, this was the response:

"While it is true that posts we don't tend to delete posts on the grounds of being in poor taste because it would be really hard to draw the line; we do as in this case remove posts that, in our judgement, are simply beyond the pale.

Your post was reported to us and tbh we felt that * (an offensive acronym for MRA's) was beyond the pale tbh, especially when added to the rest of your post which was also incredibly offensive to anyone with religious beliefs."

So basically, we are not allowed to post things which offend people's religious beliefs in conjunction with offending MRA's.

Just thought I'd let you all know. I'm not even annoyed about this, after last week's targeting I think it's obvious that MN really don't want radical feminism represented here.

OP posts:
TeiTetua · 17/02/2013 17:54

Note that in the circumcision thread, Zippy1111 introduced the word "whiny" himself:
Please hear me out instead of dismissing this post as a "whiny MRA post"

A fair number of us were willing to hear him out, but not to absolve him from sending a, you know, that kind of post.

PercyClarke · 17/02/2013 17:41

Fastidia - whiney article is here.

AbigailAdams · 17/02/2013 17:26

I always assumed rapey meant someone whose actions, attitudes or beliefs upheld the rape culture women live in. The opposite of frivolous tbh.

Clearly I was wrong.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 17/02/2013 16:04

I don't especially like the term 'rapey', but I don't see how it's worse than any alternative.

I am really surprised if you offended religious people because I've never once seen you say anything I'd have thought was offensive that way. Confused

Original poster
FastidiaBlueberry · 17/02/2013 14:22

Well it does a bit Olivia thank you.

I'll be reporting all uses of the term Cry Rape from now on.

I think stabby is one of those things which you wouldn't use if you thought it might upset someone - if they had a friend who had been stabbed a while ago or something, no?

In general I don't think it's offensive, but of course it could become so depending on context.

Loops, it's interesting what you say about creepy - MRA's get very upset about the use of that term, because it's nebulous and a "code" which women use to warn each other about men.

I remember reading a whiney article about it but I can't remember where it is.

OP posts:
MNHQ
OliviaMumsnet · 17/02/2013 14:12

@FastidiaBlueberry

No waferthinmint, that's not what I'm doing.

I'm trying to establish what language is allowed on MN and what isn't.

This is literally the first time today, that I've been told we're not allowed to use that term.

If I'd known that, I wouldn't have used it.

I actually try to follow MN guidelines when I post, believe it or not.

But I also think that if that term isn't allowed to be used, then other terms ought not to be as well.

The cry rape one being the obvious one for me. It buys into every rape myth going.

Our policy is to keep intervention to a minimum and let the conversation flow.
But when a post is reported (and we actively encourage ALL our posters to report anything they think we should look at) we take things on a case-by-case basis.

Hope this clears things up.

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 17/02/2013 14:11

I don't know, I've never thought of "stabby" as relating to anything to do with actually stabbing someone, I've only heard that as a term to refer to a short or angry attitude.

However I am fine to be shown I am wrong?

LoopDeLoops · 17/02/2013 14:11

As in:

"That man, he looks a bit rapey, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, well creepy".

Viviennemary · 17/02/2013 14:09

I admit I am a culprit on a thread for using the term 'cry rape'. I didn't realise it was offensive. If I had I wouldn't have used it. And I don't like the word 'rapey' either. Though I don't even know what it means and haven't heard it before. It sounds horrible.

LoopDeLoops · 17/02/2013 14:09

I loathe the word. It absolutely does trivialise an horrific thing, and turns it into some kind of joke, therefore making rape (or 'rapey behaviour') almost appear acceptable and funny.
Please stop using it.

ceramicunicorn · 17/02/2013 14:09

Surely 'stabby' is along the same lines though. That's constantly used on mn.

Original poster
FastidiaBlueberry · 17/02/2013 14:08

Well I agree with you Custardo.

I had no idea that it was an upsetting term for some women.

Seriously until today I hadn't clocked any argument about it.

And I won't use it if people say it's triggering.

So are Mumsnet going to come down hard on the use of Cry Rape then?

OP posts:
Tortington · 17/02/2013 14:08

that was to the op

Tortington · 17/02/2013 14:08

not the same thing at all

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 17/02/2013 14:07

Rape apologist is probably a better example to use.

"Rapey" sounds like a teenage joke word (and one that is used around here regularly), I don't think that this particular word will help the cause.

I understand how you feel with "cry rape", that term makes my stomach turn whenever I see it.

I may not agree with you on this thread but (((un-mnetty hugs))).

Tortington · 17/02/2013 14:06

if i am aware that a term i use is likley to offend others in a serious way such as women who might have experienced sexual assault. I would desist in using that language whether i agreed with the decision or not as that is the kind thing to do.

Original poster
FastidiaBlueberry · 17/02/2013 14:05

No waferthinmint, that's not what I'm doing.

I'm trying to establish what language is allowed on MN and what isn't.

This is literally the first time today, that I've been told we're not allowed to use that term.

If I'd known that, I wouldn't have used it.

I actually try to follow MN guidelines when I post, believe it or not.

But I also think that if that term isn't allowed to be used, then other terms ought not to be as well.

The cry rape one being the obvious one for me. It buys into every rape myth going.

OP posts:
Tortington · 17/02/2013 14:04

what waferthingmint said. I consider using that term to be a denigration and erosion of the term 'rape'.

Original poster
FastidiaBlueberry · 17/02/2013 14:02

See I've been raped too and I don't see it as minimising it.

I see it as pointing out how close someone's attitude is, to that of a rapist.

Rapists rape women because they don't believe women have the right to set physical boundaries and many people agree with rapists without being aware that that's what they're doing.

When you use the term rapey, it can shock them into examining why you did that.

I don't use the term frivolously. I use it where I genuinely think that it is deserved. MRA's big thing, is that they fucking hate the fact that they can sometimes get into trouble for not respecting women's boundaries, because they don't believe women have the right to set any.

But I'm sorry if I've ever used it in a way that triggered you SSMD.

I'm triggered by the term "cry rape" whenever I see it. It reminds me that I've got no right to speak of having been raped, it is a silencing term.

OP posts:
Waferthinmint · 17/02/2013 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FloatyBeatie · 17/02/2013 13:57

My previous post crossed with the 'cry rape' post. Agree that is also often used in an offensive manner. I imagine mn would delete it whenever its use was complained about and tended to undermine the 'l believe you' message.

Startail · 17/02/2013 13:56

If rape is using sex as a weapon, as a way of exerting control over another person, then rapey describes the worlds major religions perfectly.

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 17/02/2013 13:56

Actually, I don't have a "rapey attitude". I have been assaulted though and I don't like the term "rapey". As has been said before it minimizes it.

I bet the same people who would use this term would be against the word "frape", I don't find that offensive as it is used in context, "rapey" is just making a mockery of the word though while still using it to describe the sexual assault form of the word "rape".

FloatyBeatie · 17/02/2013 13:53

I disagree. I find it offensive because it is frivolous and trivialising. Especially if used to generate a joke acronym. Is that what was done in the deleted post?

Original poster
FastidiaBlueberry · 17/02/2013 13:53

Actually you know what I think is "an inappropriately frivolous play on a desperately serious" thing?

The expression "cry rape".

It is absolutely a frivolous, heartless expression which undermines and minimises women's reality of having been raped.

It is always used by rape apologists.

It is used regularly on this board, it regularly triggers rape survivors and it is tolerated regularly.

If you're going to ban the use of the word rapey, would you also consider banning the use of the term "cry rape", Mumnet?

OP posts:
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