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Original poster

Article about BDSM scene not being any more egalitarian than anywhere else.

111 replies

FastidiaBlueberry · 26/01/2013 19:58

I suppose I'm not surprised by this. I don't have anything against BDSM sex per se, but I do think it's absurd to pretend that it's somehow less likely to involve abuse and coercion than any other kind of sex.

article here

OP posts:
Original poster
FastidiaBlueberry · 27/01/2013 17:23

"Consent" as a term is extremely problematic.

Men have traditionally been the people who got to define consent. And surprise surprise, they defined it in such a way as to enable them to rape women and get away with it not being recognised as consent. Rapey men managed to get their definition of what constitutes consent, written into law.

People who talk about consent without recognising that, are glossing over the issues.

I can understand wanting to do that: the issues are uncomfortable. That's why so many people want to gloss over them.

OP posts:
AbigailAdams · 27/01/2013 17:01

And you have to question what kind of man wants to do that to a woman.

AbigailAdams · 27/01/2013 16:59

It isn't just about consent though. It is about the context of consent.

Branleuse · 27/01/2013 16:54

Of course its still got arseholes in it as much as any other scene. I think its totally open to abuse. I have been involved in the scene here and there and have found that there are many instances where it is great fun and involves deep wonderful communication and playfulness and pushing boundaries. I have also seen stuff that quite frankly terrifies me. Still, if its consensual, its consensual and just because its not my kink, doesnt mean its not ok.
Im glad that guy got off in that metro article. Wow, I cant believe she would have reported it. She wanted it.

StewieGriffinsMom · 27/01/2013 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charlizee · 27/01/2013 15:56

ok I read the article. They agreed on a safe word but she never used it. She could have said the safe word (and withdrew) consent at any time but she didn't. If she had said the safe word and he continued it would be abuse and assault.

BDSM certainly isn't for everyone, that's for sure.

AbigailAdams · 27/01/2013 15:23

That is horrific MooncupGoddess. Shows how people have swallowed this shit. .

Fastidia, good article, thank you. Not surprising though.

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/01/2013 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MooncupGoddess · 26/01/2013 22:51

How very depressing. Have you seen this case, Fastidia?

metro.co.uk/2013/01/22/50-shades-of-grey-fan-who-lashed-lover-is-cleared-of-assault-3362342/

When I was younger the stereotype of BDSM was of a dominatrix clad in black leather whipping an over-excited man... now it seems to be of, er, men being violent towards women.

[disclaimer: I have no experience of the scene myself.]

Original poster
FastidiaBlueberry · 26/01/2013 20:33

Have you read the article Charlizee

OP posts:
Charlizee · 26/01/2013 20:19

There's a big difference between BDSM and abuse.

In BDSM roleplay there is consent.

In abuse there is never consent.