Random men speaking to you

*Why has no man on this thread yet agreed to either:

Pre-evaluate all remarks to women according to the "18-Stone Brickie Test"
or
Speak & behave to all men exactly as they would to a woman (substituting 'mate' for 'love' dependent on local mores)*ve already

I have already said that I don't treat women without respect, ever. TBH though to expect men to talk to women as they would an 18stone brickie is totally unreasonable and I would guess that most women don't want that anyway.

BTW In my more than 60 years I have never heard a man refer to a woman as it.

But latara it is all part of the same thing. Some examples are mild, some examples are severe. .

Yes, it is grim; & that's why i can't get so upset about 'random men speaking in the street' in a fairly inoffensive manner - when there are still lots of men & boys who think it's ok or harmless to be so offensive in using those terms to describe any random woman (within her hearing or not).

Ugh, latara, that sounds grim.

I find the worst thing that random men say (to each other; NOT to the woman concerned) is ''look at that'' or ''look at it''...

I would never ever refer to a man as ''it'' or ''that''; it's very offensive & like the woman is an object.

One neighbour calls me (not to my face) ''that bird'' which is almost as bad but he can't be bothered to remember my name (i bothered to learn his name).

I'm glad to say i've not recently been called 'it' or 'that' within earshot, but i want to smack every man who i hear saying those words in reference to other women.

If it's a man i know then i do tell them it's an offensive way to talk about women.

TheDoctrine yes that explains exactly why, i just wasn't sure how to explain it, thanks :)

Latara, I would have thought you wouldn't like 'babe' from a random man as it's mostly used in the context of sexual attractiveness between men and women ("she's a babe", "I Got You Babe" etc) whereas the women who use it with you are using it in a different way as just another endearment.

If you are on a night out, your context may be different ie your sexual attractiveness may be more in the forefront of your mind than, say, the weekly shop as you walk down the street!

If random men didn't try to flirt with me then no-one would ever (sob) - cos i don't know any nice single men.

Plus i can deal with them easily if their attention is unwanted by me.

But it rarely happens anyway.

Btw i get women & girls locally calling me 'love' because it's a 'local' thing to say, like 'mush' or 'mate' (also get called 'mate' by other women, or 'babe, honey' etc.)

Men also call me 'love', & 'mate' but never use 'babe' or 'honey' like women do.

I wouldn't appreciate being called 'babe' by a man except maybe in a bar on a night out! Don't know why.

The thread gives loads of examples of the constant barrage many women suffer week in week out from men. Obviously some people may not notice it and some may not be subjet to it but it does exist.

So if all you "confused" people are right and thousands of women are making a fuss about nothing, etc ...

Why has no man on this thread yet agreed to either:

Pre-evaluate all remarks to women according to the "18-Stone Brickie Test"
or
Speak & behave to all men exactly as they would to a woman (substituting 'mate' for 'love' dependent on local mores)

for as little as a week?

Worried about anything??

What a weird thread!

What on earth is wrong with a man talking to a woman! And what the hell does that have to do with feminism anyway! I thought feminism was about equal rights? Not how women are some precious dainty little things who are frightened of those men creatures who dare to speak to them in the street!

Perhaps all women should go out with a male escort just in case . . . Oh hang on that reminds me of somewhere . . .

I'm not afraid to go out alone; but i don't feel happy about my Dad or male friends going out alone at night or in certain places.

That's because what you say TheFarSide is true.

But ironically all the men (& many women) i know believe the opposite. But i refuse to stay indoors when it gets dark & i don't drive (health reasons).

In response to a comment upthread about women afraid to go out alone, I seem to remember that statistically it is young men who are more likely to be attacked on the street than any other group.

Thanks Peterpan
I was thinking I should get out more.!

Like your posts btw

I think its a new one from Scissor Sisters??!

ps
Just going to look for the "tits on the phone", may or not be interesting?

Ah yes, that dreaded age when a woman becomes "invisible". Especially for those who previously revelled in the attention they received. < didn't apply to me, though>

I may be a little jealous?....but can't remember the last time a woman stranger made an innocent off hand comment to me during the day. Men do to me, in lighthearted ways (especially around Xmas now?). Maybe its the part of the world I live in??

From my interpretation, the guy in the OP had just slipped on ice. He may of been embarrassed, or relieved he hadn't gone on his arse!? I say hi to anyone at times like that.

As for the general issue of unwanted talk from men. I know a lady who considers herself an ardent feminist, and considers it to be unwanted only when she doesn't fancy the man making the comment. How confusing for the the average caveman in the street?

As for 'tits on a phone' garlic.....I'm not looking forward to the issue in the slightest. However that's not what this thread is about.

FG22, so you feel the bloke in the OP would have made the same comment to whoever was there.

I think you are also saying that in 99.99% of cases where a bloke makes a comment to a woman, he would have made that same comment, using "mate" instead of "love" to another bloke, perhaps to chibi's 18-stone exemplar. Is that a correct interpretation of your post?

If so, how would you feel if I told you that 99.99% of those who had made racist comments to you would have found something else nasty to say if you'd been white? Would you think, "yeah, that's fair, so what am I worrying about"? Or would you think that you, as the recipient of the comments, was better able to judge that than me as a white person?

Ah, I sort of wish I was you. I wish people would strike up random conversations with me. I do it with them (men and women), but they often seem shocked. And I am not talking very shocking remarks here. More like 'whoa, that car was going a bit fast!' I guess people aren't used to it in a big city.

I know what you mean though, and guess I am not pretty enough (and have never been) to get random remarks from men. So in a way it is sort of flattering. In another way I can see how you would like to be valued as a person, rather than a pretty 'thing'.

As the other poster said, you might actually miss it when you get to a certain age and it won't happen any more (;

The best way to solve it: find a way of answering to these remarks that make it tolerable or - better even - fun for you. Play a mind game with them. Say something unexpected, or in a weird voice. Make it so you 'own' the conversation and you will feel infinitely better.

I lived in India for a while, and being white/blonde was very obvious. So, in supermarkets half the staff would come and offer to push my cart and get things for me. It was incredibly annoying. As I would first kindly, then angrily send them away, and felt bad for turning down help offered so cruelly.

Then, knowing they were just being innocent and intrigued, I made it into a game. I learned a few words in their language, and then sent them off getting my shopping. They loved it, and shopping became a fun experience. I was back in control. And - unlike many other white visitors - was no longer grumpy and angry about all the annoying attention.

Hmm. Good luck with that. See how you get on when she's 14 and boys are pressuring her to send them photos of her tits. She may find 'tolerance' isn't that much of a viable option.

Yes I have....and I will teach her tolerance. All because her views may be different, doesn't make the other persons wrong. Just makes them what they are....different.

Yet another put-down for women who are trying to tell what bothers them. Nice one, Peter.

Do you have daughters?

We are all different....some are more tolerant. Some need to get out more!!

Well said, Festivia.

FG2: what type of offence was being caused i.e. sexual, power, etc. etc.

It's always power. Every kind of abuse is an abuse of power. The incidents you may have labelled sexual offences were abuses of power - generally, iirc, using the witness's fear to behave abusively. In fact, crimes labelled by the police as sexual offences are abuses of power and it says so in the manual.

The overwhelming majority of abuses suffered by women are minor. Each one, though, is some twat taking advantage of his size or status, or of women's socialisation to "not make a fuss" - we are also trained to feel ashamed when we feel abused; something harassers use very much to their advantage. A multitude of minor abuses add up to a general feeling of unsafeness which, without specific training, causes very many women to actually live in fear. The fact that women need specific training to help handle the daily assault course of mixed society suggests there's something badly wrong with that society.

By the way, I've known men to be utterly furious at someone pointing out their bald patch or grey hairs! Vanity's ungendered, ime!