Random men speaking to you

YY WithTheDude.

I think its also how much sexual harassment one has experienced in the past that can change how one reacts to it in the present. And, you can usually tell between an elderly man saying 'hello love' when you walk past him into the store. I don't like it but he's not being offensive. Thing is a lot of men use it to be offensive and intimidate women.

The assumption that women have to respond politely to every random man in the street makes it harder for women to get away from men who are trying to intimidate. Women are socialised to be nice all the time so when we react not-nicely, even to quite a credible threat, we are told we are overreacting. Women are never told to trust their instincts. And, men who think they are nice have absolutely no idea about the personal experience of the woman they are talking to and immediately assume a woman who walks away or shouts is being a bitch for the sake of being a bitch. They never think that actually that woman, that complete strange who you said "hi love" too was a victim of sexualised violence whose rapist used that exact phrase.

Men don't get just how intimidating it can be to be approached on a road by a strange man.

And, frankly, any man yelling hi love across the street at me, I would assume was a complete pillock because in no universe is that polite behaviour.

I am going to completely undermine my own argument now, because when you said that, I had a flashback to the brief period of time that I was blonde.

I couldn't stand it.

The 'love' thing is about intent isn't it? So the woman in superdrug who says it to every customer isn't intending to cause offence or demean or whatever. You probably wouldn't be offended by her because you aren't threatened by her.

The man shouting it makes you respondin a different way, but his intent would be no more insidious that the woman in the shop. It's how you percieve him that is different.

You saw it was disrespectful, and it might have been, but I would like to think that he was just excited and wanted to connect with someone as a human, albeit in a clumsy way.

Kim, please forgive me, but I have a question about people speaking more to you as a woman than a man; do you think that people speak to you more because you are happier in yourself, more open etc?

As a general point, maybe women are expected to smile and be nice, more than men. But you if you expect someone to be sour and unresponsive then you wouldn't bother speaking to them. People look to connect with a friendly face. In the OP I certainly don't think it was about power or dominance. The bloke was laughing and wanted someone to connect with the joke. Maybe if the OP had been a man he would have held back because he might perceive a man to be less friendly for whatever reason. Those reasons could equally be about power and dominance.

ok.I sort of see where you are coming from.
That they are being too personal with you.

fwiw, they probably use different vocabularly to their girlfriends or nearest and dearest.

enimmead,you could have said to the young man whose friend slipped on the ice.

'please don't call me 'love',i don't like it'

enimead, can you describe why?
Do you feel like a piece of meat?

It's just a word ime eninmead.

Not rude,just a word.

What if he'd said 'Hi bitch,did you see that!!'

Now that would have been rude.

But 'Hi love' isn't rude.

Get well soon Olivia.

But if you do snuff it can I have that blue background you use when you post?

Olivia did you just LOL?

Have you got a temperature? Are you feeling giddy ::headtilt::?

MMMarmite
"Well, I think one conclusion from this thread is that the geographical variation dwarfs the gender variation."

This certainly matches my moves from north to south of teh country.

Xenia2012
"Men make comments to women because they want to chat them up."

Thats a rather large generalisation. Unless you know all men and there reasons for talking to women.

Oh God I've certainly had unwelcome come-ons from men, both in this country and in loads of others. Everything from grabbing me, rubbing up against me, making really really lewd comments to me and (in one memorable incident) following me home, ringing my doorbell and then standing the doorway, knob out.

That is quite different to the passing the time of day type of comments and attempts at conversation though.

btw, we are not talking about groping on this thread.

A good job that you don't live in places that you get called 'duck' , 'pet' or 'my lover' etc!

Xenia, why cant a random man talk to you?
What do you not like about it?