Why am I struggling to cut dd's hair short?

I have had short hair for 24 years now, after being made to grow it as a child.
In my experience, the people who will "mistake" a little girl with short hair for a boy are trying to make some stupid point about gender and hairstyles, and deserve to be talked down to by the child in question.

I never used to quite understand why mothers in particular got so attached to and invested in their daughters' hair - my own DD has had shortish hair for most of her life, partly because it is quite fine and lank. However, you only have to look at other threads on here about haircuts to see that female hair, wherever it is growing, is really seen as public property for some reason.

That was precisely the motivation I had to give dd the chop.
She had lovely wavy silky long hair. She looked beautiful with her boho bun, her bunches, her plait...but she didn't care for it. She cried. Every morning. A lot.

I felt awful about it because she's pretty placid and amenable in the main, and I came to realise that the long hair was more for my benefit than hers. She's 3 and doesn't care about her hair. Neither she should.

The cropped bob she has now is fabulous. It makes her stand out a bit, she looks very funky, and all I have to do is run a brush through it. She still hates it but it takes 10 seconds. She gets compliments all the time.

If, when she is older, she wants long hair, then she has to understand and accept it must be brushed and styled. If she can agree to that, then fine. Otherwise it stays short.

I have short hair myself. I cut all my bum length hippy tresses when I was 24 and have never looked back. I far prefer short hair. Long hair is a faff too far for me. I hope dd wants to keep hers short.

Growing up in the 80s almost ALL the little girls had short hair. It is adorable, not to mention far, far easier to manage. It really is thoroughly depressing that society has become so rigid about these things that even little people's hairstyles have strict gender rules. I didn't even realize until this thread that is now apparently an issue :(

What SGM said.

Sime of the discussion makes me feel incredibly sad. As a child in the 60's and 70's, I mostly had short hair because I hated the detangling and at the time, I dont'think there was today's preoccupation with ensuring children conform to the appearance of one gender.

If another child or adult thought I was a boy, I just told them I was a girl. It didn't bother me any more than if they'd got my age or name wrong.

Something makes me feel uneasy that it seems necessary put in extra grooming time and cause pain with detangling that the child doesn't want, just to ensure she's considered socially acceptable. Does that not rather give a message about female appearance being the most important thing about being female?

Mt dd2 has thick, curly hair. The best cut for her was a very short elfin cut. DD1 with very straight hair suits the french bob very well, but I don't think that would work for curly hair.

You could try the curly girl methods with her. It suggests not brushing curly hair.

curly girl

No idea!

Cute hairstyles but what on earth is the text on your link trying to say pictish?! It's total gobbledigook!

My daughter has terrible cradle cap and curly tangly hair. Hates hair brushing. I gather it into a pony tail and cut it close to the nape of the neck into a short messy bob.

Try that again.

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=short+curly+hair+for+little+girls&start=224&hl=en&sa=X&tbo=d&biw=1920&bih=921&tbm=isch&tbnid=YZI1cq2BtTZNVM:&imgrefurl=www.shorthair-styles-cuts.com/curly/curly-short-hair-fluffly-messy.php&docid=VC4-VnAk-1bgCM&imgurl=www.shorthair-styles-cuts.com/graphics/curly-short-hair-fluffly-messy.jpg&w=333&h=408&ei=XJawUMXXEqKM0wWr8YG4AQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1674&vpy=558&dur=113&hovh=249&hovw=203&tx=124&ty=207&sig=109566088544734393619&page=4&tbnh=140&tbnw=118&ndsp=80&ved=1t:429,r:76,s:200,i:232" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">double awwww

Or [http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=short+curly+hair+for+little+girls&start=224&hl=en&sa=X&tbo=d&biw=1920&bih=921&tbm=isch&tbnid=YZI1cq2BtTZNVM:&imgrefurl=www.shorthair-styles-cuts.com/curly/curly-short-hair-fluffly-messy.php&docid=VC4-VnAk-1bgCM&imgurl=www.shorthair-styles-cuts.com/graphics/curly-short-hair-fluffly-messy.jpg&w=333&h=408&ei=XJawUMXXEqKM0wWr8YG4AQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1674&vpy=558&dur=113&hovh=249&hovw=203&tx=124&ty=207&sig=109566088544734393619&page=4&tbnh=140&tbnw=118&ndsp=80&ved=1t:429,r:76,s:200,i:232 double awwww]]

The picture pictish put up is how my mum used to have my hair, I always hated it tbh looking back on pics I see it looked nice, but Ive never once cut dds hair and I longed for long hair like the girls in school.

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=short+curly+hair+for+little+girls&start=147&hl=en&sa=X&tbo=d&biw=1920&bih=921&tbm=isch&tbnid=q8_ciGPK1LbBOM:&imgrefurl=womenhaircute.blogspot.com/2011/07/short-hairstyles-for-little-girls-short.html&docid=tZsSna_O_zP2-M&imgurl=4.bp.blogspot.com/-xTXSS1YkRP0/TjQrPIplfNI/AAAAAAAAAfY/Hv120arluwM/s1600/short_hairstyles_for_young_girls%25252B3.jpg&w=328&h=460&ei=-5WwUNTbKI6o0AWU1oDQAQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=2&vpy=507&dur=1409&hovh=266&hovw=189&tx=60&ty=122&sig=109566088544734393619&page=3&tbnh=138&tbnw=99&ndsp=77&ved=1t:429,r:72,s:100,i:220" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">awwww

No no - it wouldn't - but I'm saying that short curly hair can look feminine if it's cut right.

Re short cuts and curly hair, they don't work, not in the same way as they would with straight hair unless you go down the route of straightening hair which I would be loathe to do even as an adult.

That style pictish linked is lovely, but wouldn't look like that with curly hair!

When my dd is older and wants long hair, that's fine, so long as she accepts that it must be brushed and styled.
As it was, she's 3 and doesn't care, and I cba with the daily screech over getting the hair done. It used to spill right down her back. Don't miss it.

My dd aged 3 has short hair. It's cut in a French bob style. Not even quite jaw length, but sculpted and feminine at the back.

Like <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=short+bob&start=80&hl=en&sa=X&tbo=d&biw=1920&bih=921&tbm=isch&tbnid=RBvvPHCtvGVm7M:&imgrefurl=www.hji.co.uk/image/2006-short-bob-qhs28920.html&docid=3zB_ubtDstqoEM&imgurl=www.hji.co.uk/hjimages/images/qhs28920/hji/medium/2006-short-bob.jpg&w=402&h=536&ei=15GwUPPeHseb0QXQ7oHoAw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=292&vpy=547&dur=148&hovh=259&hovw=194&tx=127&ty=137&sig=109566088544734393619&page=2&tbnh=140&tbnw=99&ndsp=94&ved=1t:429,r:15,s:100,i:49" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this

Such a style will work on even curly hair as the cut is very feminine and girlish.
I LOVE her short hair...it's so easy, and makes her look gamine and funky.

As far as I know, my girls were never mistaken for boys, probably because from their faces/clothes they are clearly girls.

When they were old enough to accept hairbrushing (about the age of 6), I let them grow their hair.

I had short hair until I was a teenager. I have had long hair every since but I am not resentful about having short hair as a child.I was mistaken for a boy - people used to think me and my brother were two boys - but that certainly didn't bother me.

I was made to have short hair as a child - parents used the "its easier to manage" line but the memory of being mistaken for a boy has never left me.
I was 13/14 before I was confident enough to say no to having it cut & its been long ever since.
If your dd wants it cut short, she needs to know that people may mistake her for a boy - will she be ok with that? I certainly wasnt!

I love short hair on little girls. They always look so elfin and gorgeous. Having said that, my daughter is also two, with the most beautiful wavy, siky hair, and I know I would HATE to cut it. I think that if we can just get through this stage, where it is around her shoulders, the weight of the hair as it grows will pull down the waves so that they aren't as curly, and make it less tangled.

Dd hates the tangle teaser. Me too as its useless on her- I find it only works on straight hair.

She has very curly hair and it got really matted. She took the matter into her own hands with my dressmaking scissors...

I straighten up the edges and her hair doesn't reach her collar. She brushes it herself with a normal hair brush.

And she's never once been mistaken for a boy.

Much more interesting from my point if views is that people notice dd as a whole, she's not a cloud of blond hair.

DD1 cut off DD2's hair when she was about 18 months. Once the hairdresser had tidied it up a bit and the actual bald bits had grown back in she looked amazing and nobody would have mistaken her for a boy, if they had I think she'd have corrected them quite firmly. I wish she'd let me do it again (she's 6 now) to save all the mucking about with bobbles and clips.

A tangle teaser will sort you out, they are really fantastic. They are more expensive than regular brushes, but well worth it. Also buy a bottle of spray on leave-in conditioner to spray on her hair before you brush. Dd is growing her hair down to her waist, so I know all about hair brushing difficulties

It may happen that she is mistaken for a boy, it may not.
If it does happen, it may upset her, it may not.
But the status quo is definitely upsetting her.

Could you put hair grips/hair bands in if it does happen and it does end up upsetting her?

My friend cuts her dds hair in a pixie cut for all the reasons you mention OP. it looks fantastic.