Apparently I can't be a feminist because I changed my name when I married.

I have been a feminist- -and alive!- for longer than most on here, and I don't thinking have ever heard anyone say to anyone "you can't be a feminist if you do X"

What I have heard is women, when challenged on their choices, getting all huffy about it and flouncing off saying "well, I won't call myself a feminist, than you'll be sorry!"

Either you believe in women's humanity or you don't.

This

Yep, scottishmummy. I absolutely did.

Fastidia, I think that's very true. It's the reason I like these boards, actually.

Yep, sm, I didn't like my own name

so I prioritised another one and it just happened to be his

changing your name gives clear indication you value his name more than yours
if it were solely to all be same name family you could all be double barelled
if you change to his name youre clearly prioritising his name above yours

I'm obviously not concentrating because I haven't seen anyone on this thread say to everyone else that they cannot be a feminist because they've changed their name.

Also that thing about putting people off feminism - if you're committed to women's rights, you won't be put off feminism by something one feminist somewhere tells you.

Either you believe in women's humanity or you don't.

Yes I agree Blistory, I think people pick their battles. I don't condemn anyone for not picking the same battles as I pick. And I also certainly wouldn't condemn anyone who picks battles I wouldn't: I think it's crucial that some battles are fought, even if I'm too weak/ lazy/ uninformed to fight them myself.

I'm not angry. I understand the argument for keeping your own name. I'm ok with the choice I made, though, even while accepting it may be unfeminist. I wasn't thinking about other women when I made it, I was thinking about me.

IMO people who say "you can't be a feminist if you do this or this or this" will just put people off calling themselves a feminist.

If feminism comes with a lot of rules and things you must and must not do that must be obeyed like a religion then it's not surprising if people don't bother with it.

Somerset kudos to you for admitting that - I still struggle when I realise some of the decisions I've made have contributed to inequality. And still read some of the threads on this board and think 'duh, how could I not have thought of that as being an issue'

"Others on this thread are saying you can't be a feminist at all if you changed your name."

I don't think anyone has said this - just that changing your name is not a feminist choice. That doesn't mean that someone who makes a non-feminist choice on one thing, or indeed on a few things, isn't overall a feminist.

Yes, I am part of the problem. I don't deny it.

I don't blame anyone but there comes a point when it must be worth it and if there isn't, how is that being a feminist.

If you never speak up against it, then what's the point ? By all means, pick the easier battle but please don't attack women who do take a stance and who take the shit, as being dictating and MCPs.

Woozley tbh you do sound a bit cross.

Angry I said, yes I am. Angry at people who put others off feminism. I'm not angry in general, just at some peoples' attitudes on this thread.

I just don't understand why some women feel they have to proclaim all their choices are feminist because that's what feminism is about. It's bizarre.

Exactly, that's what I'm saying.

Others on this thread are saying you can't be a feminist at all if you changed your name. Which is clearly a bit mad, as you say, Fastidia.

Woozley tbh you do sound a bit cross.

Who is dictating to you? What about?

I don't have a problem with women making choices because otherwise they'll be ridiculed or harassed, Blistory. Who wants to be ridiculed or harassed? I don't blame anyone trying to avoid that.

I have a problem with the assertion that avoiding ridicule and harassment is a feminist choice because they're a feminist and therefore everything they do is feminist.

I just find that a bit mad. I know loads of really hard-line feminists and none of them claim that everything they do is feminist. And I know several christians who acknowledge that not everything they do is a christian choice. And socialists who make un-socialist choices.

I just don't understand why some women feel they have to proclaim all their choices are feminist because that's what feminism is about. It's bizarre.

I don't know the first thing about the intelligence of any posters. I can only go on the message posted.

Sorry if expressing my thoughts is seen as dictating or acting like an MCP.

its no more hard for a woman to change her name than a man
that's quite a lame excuse

QED woozley

I'm not being judgemental or 'cross' about others' choices, Hully, I'm angry about people on here dictating to me and others, saying what we are and aren't and not crediting us with a good deal of intelligence. In fact, behaving rather like male chauvanist pigs.

No Somerset, I've already said I don't get it right myself but so many women don't even try because they're ridiculed or harrassed. Or are worried that they might be.

It's the decisions I've made in the past that shock me now that are the reasons I try to be a bit more active. What's the old saying about if you're not part of the solution then you're part of the problem.

Incidentally, DH has a nicer surname than mine, but Bad is my name (as it were) and that's that!

The trivial thing was to all those who have said it's a trivial issue, somerset.

but how can you define yourself as a feminist if you don't actively do something about inequality.

So what then...?

Am I supposed to now don a pinny and argue the case for lap-dancing clubs and free porn for all?

I get what you're saying, I honestly do, and I agree with you. But a). I don't think it's possible to be a 'perfect feminist', and b). if the alternative to being a perfect feminist is handing back your badge, going against all the things you believe in, and switching your principles and not being a feminist at all - well - that's bonkers. And not possible.

Don't get me started on bloody choice.

When my choices are made on a level playing field, I might accept choice as a valid reason but until then, I'm not playing with anyone who bleats on about choice.

I once knew someone who changed her name by deed-poll to Smith as soon as she could, because she hated her father.

I loved that she chose Smith.