Apparently I can't be a feminist because I changed my name when I married.

I don't recognise this nonsense of being pressurised by women Exoticfruits.

Except MILs who want you to have their little boy's name.

There isn't this whole big edifice of feminism which is subtly pressuring you into not changing your name.

Changing your name is the default.

I disagree that you can't do something not feminist and not be a feminist. My objection isn't to people doing stuff not feminist (I do loads that isn't) it's when they tell me that everything they do is feminist because they're feminist.

That's silly.

yes but disagreeing doesn't make one more or less feminist

It's my view. You don't have to agree. Why get offended? If you disagree, you disagree.

I'm liberal on it,live the principles you adhere to and no I won't be dictated to what is or isn't feminist
life is murky,it's about positive risks,and we all compromise to greater or lesser extent

"I think you can change your name and hold other feminist views, but I don't think you can call yourself a feminist if you change your name "

So you need to do all totally feminist activities in order to be a feminist?

Wonder where all the people went who claimed that no one ever told someone they couldn't call themselves a feminist..

Indeed, TheDoctrine

I can't see that you are any better off- it appears that someone is still having expectations of what you should do. Why is it different if you are pressurised by a woman than a man? Why can't you just choose? I am for equality and either everyone, male or female should keep the name they were born with or half of the men in the world should change on marriage and half of the women should change.

"I think you can change your name and hold other feminist views, but I don't think you can call yourself a feminist if you change your name thereby subscribing to a patriarchal practice that helps to uphold the status of women as second class."

I appreciate where you're coming from here Hully, but that is one of very few remarks I have read on MN that has actually personally offended me (I think because it strikes me that you are being entirely sincere).

How dare you say I'm not a feminist? What kind of way is that to encourage women to have their eyes opened to how important feminism and its ideas are? I mean really? Apart from the fact that women can make an informed and reasoned choice about name-changing with an understanding of the cultural connotations, you may be addressing women who got married 20 years ago but maybe didn't discover/think about feminism until more recently, are they excluded from the club?

As I said earlier, I've only partially changed my name (I'm Mrs. X to my ds's school, my family and not much else) and kept my unmarried name for professional reasons. I see no reason why these choices should reflect upon my status as a feminist.

It really would be a feminist statement to rename yourself in an entirely new way to escape the culture of names being passed down by males, but to just keep your existing name which is so ingrained in that culture anyway? To me it's not really much of a statement.

"Giving DC their father's surname similarly patriarchal? "

Yes, absolutely.

Giving DC their father's surname similarly patriarchal?

Really, Hully? I'm pretty sure most of us make the "non-feminist" choice from time to time, doesn't mean we aren't feminists.

Feminists don't tell other women what to do.

Patriarchy does.

Feminists critique what women do and why they do it in a patriarchy and lots of women perceive that as being told what to do by feminists while never noticing how much they're being pressurised into doing things by patriarchal expectations.

It's so vapid.

are you reading the almanac of cliche tonight hilly

the personal is political is a succinct summing up of the fact that no woman is an island.

personal is political got to be most vapid statement ever
essentially where does it go?that one has to modify actions to fulfill political ideology
I personally think housewife is a deeply patriarchal role and enacts wee wifie status.don't expect anyone to change their actions because of this opinion.

it would be be more accurate to say ideology is political

I think you can change your name and hold other feminist views, but I don't think you can call yourself a feminist if you change your name thereby subscribing to a patriarchal practice that helps to uphold the status of women as second class.

It simply isn't logical.

Good, theDoctrineofsnatch- we can just accept that you can be a feminist and change your name then.My personal is just that- nothing more and nothing less.

The personal is political

Exotic I don't think anyone has said you have to do as you are told by other feminists.

This is my only comment-that it is personal. I don't ask why or comment, it isn't my business- I just call people what they wish to be called.I have never asked my SIL why she kept her ex DHs name, it would be very rude-I suspect it is merely because it is an attractive name, rather poetic; but it may be another reason entirely. She is free to do whatever she likes-as are we all.
It seems to me that I am supposed to be pressurised by the women, who happen to be the noisiest about it, to fit in with what they think. We keep having the bizarre idea that feminism can't be about choice-we have to do as we are told by other feminists.( Or we are patronisingly told that we changed it because we didn't know any better!)

Yes everyone is free to do their own thing, but not without comment from everyone else.

If you don't change your name on marriage when you're a woman, it's amazing who feels they have the right to comment -sometimes adversely - on it.

While that's still the case, it clearly still matters.

I can't say why they make a fuss- as I said SIL hasn't taken my brother's name- it hasn't bothered anyone. I am happy to amuse people- it is better than irritating. I can't really see why anyone is in the least interested in what I say. Everyone is free to do their own thing.

It sounds a bit desperate to keep saying it's unimportant, when women know that not doing it always causes comment and in some cases, actually causes resentment.

How does that happen, when it's oh so trivial? Why do people's MIL's and relatives make such a fuss about it, don't they know it's unimportant?

That is your OPINION exoticfruits

It has little to do with the FACT of what changing one's name denotes historically and why it still carries those associations.

Exoticfruits I find it very telling that you keep popping up to tell people how unimportant this subject is.

And quite amusing.