Apparently I can't be a feminist because I changed my name when I married.

no one is condemning you! do what you like. people are questioning your choices, not attacking you. changing your name doesn't make you a bad person.it just isn't a feminist choice, or one that promotes equality for women.

if it's all about love and same name unit why does onus fall to woman to change?
societal expectations that woman assume man name.not that man take her name
it sends message female name not important as male name.dispensable and changeable

Why does anyone, man or woman have a good reason-other than they want to?
Getting up the alphabet is a pretty good one? Is it allowed to say I chose it to get nearer the start of the alphabet?
Are there good reasons and bad reasons? Does everyone have to agree what is a good reason?
Is there a panel-do you have to prove that you are a good feminist to be able to judge? Can't you be a feminist with odd foibles?
I changed my name-I wanted to change my name-end of. (Anyway it is done and dusted years ago).

So, leaving choice aside, what is a good reason for a woman to change her name to that of a man's?

i am also bemused by the stance that when a woman drops her name in favour of a man's it demonstrates how committed she is to the relationship, and how much she loves him. as though you can't possibly be committed, or love someone unless you do.

I can't see where I said that!

I am all for equality which means that only 50% of men should change their names anyway and therefore you get back to personal choice.

Apart from anything else changing my name got me a long way up the alphabet and if you had many years being near the end you would see the advantages!

I am all for people minding their own businesses-calling people what they asked to be called without query.

"i can't see it as a feminist choice to take a man's name and lose your own, though a feminist might choose to do so."

Absolutely.

Doing something that isn't feminist doesn't necessarily make you not a feminist.
And being feminist and doing something doesn't make that thing feminist.

given that this entire thread is about changing one's name it seems odd to insist on not asking people why they have made their choices. it's not like i am barging into a post office queue to bellow into someone's face, 'mrs so and so? where do you get off calling yourself that?'

likewise, i think that insisting that every choice made by a woman is feminist because a woman made it is kind of silly.

i am just bemused by the attitude that feminism = the right to choose, therefore any choice is feminist.

i am also bemused by the stance that when a woman drops her name in favour of a man's it demonstrates how committed she is to the relationship, and how much she loves him. as though you can't possibly be committed, or love someone unless you do.

i am not interested in telling anyone what they should do, even if and when i disagree with their choices

And I am furthering the rights of women-I am saying you do what you feel is right for you. Don't let anyone-other women included- feel they have the right to tell you what you should do. I answered the question of why I changed it-but no one really has the right to ask. I chose it-that should be good enough. Equally I should just call people what they asked to be called without giving them my view!

Sorry-in reply to 'it isn't a feminist choice'.

Why should it be?
I know that I am equal.
If someone from my maternal grandmother's family wanted to contact me for a family reunion they would know that I was equally a member of the family despite never having used that particular name.

I am thoroughly glad that I have kind, non judgemental people in my family like DH1's parents who having had a son die would have let his son have a name change to DH2's name if they thought I thought it was helpful to me and their grandson.
A lot better than people on here who bang on about what you should do. It is like all parenting choices-someone makes up their mind that it is best and to justify it they have to have everyone accept it as best. It matters to the person-as long as you know who you are it is completely unimportant.

I agree with Trills.

of course you can choose. it just isn't a feminist choice.

There were plenty of people in my family with the name-not so with DHs.

I didn't want to ask him to either-I am allowed to choose!

I didn't ask him to!

why didn't your dh change his name to be in a family unit with you?

I know that I am still my birth surname-I just don't happen to use it-it isn't necessary for everyone else to know it-if it is necessary I will tell them!

I chose it because I like to be a family unit with him. I chose to marry him because I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him-he isn't the enemy trying to force me to be subservient! I don't want to stay in the unit with my brother's-much as I love them.
As I said earlier DH1 died when DS was a baby-how sad if I hadn't had his name-it isn't as if he left much! DS1 stayed with his father's name-it came up that it might be an idea to change it to DH2's name. DH1's parents, when asked their views, said that they would prefer it to be theirs but they would go with whatever suited me-(they are not as dogmatic as some people on this thread!). It turned out DS1 wanted it to stay his father's name which is what happened. It has never caused problems. People can cope, people are not bothered in general.
Anyone would think that you gave up your old name. I went to a wedding recently and saw people that I hadn't seen for years-they were all asking me if I was first name/birth surname-of course I just said 'yes'-I am still the same person.
It really doesn't matter two hoots to anyone except the person-(except some women who want to choose for everyone else!)

i kept my name because it has been mine all my life, regardless of its provenance. it is my name as much as my husband's name is his.

i can't see it as a feminist choice to take a man's name and lose your own, though a feminist might choose to do so.

chose not choose

Exotic, can I ask why you choose to take your husband's father's name ?

I am also equally a member of my mother's family name-if we were to have a Smith (for want of a better example) reunion I would be as much a Smith as the rest, even though the name I was using was different.

My name is not disposable anyway-it is as much mine as it ever was. Doing my family history I am very much my birth name and can be found by anyone. To the person who contacted me doing a one name study of course I am still my father's name. I know who I am!

I have had DHs name far longer than my father's name-it is now mine. Why can it be my name if it started with my father and not mine if it started with my DH? It doesn't make any sort of sense-they are both from the male line.
For what it is worth I wouldn't want my mother's name-it must be in the top 6 in the UK and it totally boring-my father's is at least unusual.
It is very silly to say that a name that you have for 20 years is more your name than one you might have for 80 years!

I still don't see why it is anyone else's business. I couldn't care less which name people adopt, but I am totally free to adopt a name without people making judgements and telling me what I should do! I also resent being told that feminism is not to do with choice and that I should be doing what the bossiest women tell me to do. At least no one ever told me that I had to change my name or ought to change my name-I just chose to do it.

To me feminism is choice. I am a feminist-I am equal-I prove it ever day and the name I chose to use is irrelevant.