maninism/mens rights!!

:D exactly happyhalloweenmotherfucker talking in the manner of american teenagers is unacceptable apparently. Swearing and namecalling is fine however. Are you trying to say people don't talk to you like shit in real life because they're scared of you OP?

But you aren't answering people's questions! You aren't explaining properly what happened, you aren't explaining what you have done so far, you aren't engaging.

Oh and you don't need "shock tactics". This is a huge forum. You would have received many replies without resorting to calling people cunts.

Why do you do it with such bile and hatred for the very people you want to discuss the issues with?

'Shock tactics'? I think you'll find that on Mumsnet we mostly prefer reasoned debate. Especially when someone purports to be asking for help.

why do you repeatedly ignore te questions about what you have done to get access and what reasons have been given by your ex to withold it?

What do you want people to say?

Ok I was willing to try and get you actually discussing in a grown up rationale manner until you posted this

"like ive already said i want people to share their views and experiences like some of you are. or do you need that explanation again"

Please re read that sentence again and realise how condescending that is.
The implication from that is that we are all idiots, who you need to painfully and slowly repeat everything too until we get your point is exactly the reason why posters are responding in what you perceive as a a negative way.

I,m out, you are just presenting yourself as a troll now.

OP can you articulate in a few sentences what it is you want to say and what you want to gain from posting on MN?

It sounds as if you are struggling with contact arrangements. We have many MNers who do also - both non-resident parents who cannot gain fair access to their children and resident parents who cannot gain fair access to the other parent for their children. If you can post clearly about that, we can probably help.

It sounds as if you think the deck is stacked against fathers and in many ways I think this is true. It is far more acceptable for a woman to go part-time after the birth of a child than it is a man, for example. I believe we will not see a real shift in attitudes to part-time workers until men are seeing their careers disadvantaged by the current attitudes as women are. At the moment men don't have the opportunity to be properly discriminated against in this area :)

Should co-parenting arrangements be made easier, perhaps towards 50:50 care? Well, the jury is out on whether that is appropriate for children, with it being more likely to be so for older children than younger.

Do we think court proceedings are stressful, lengthy and difficult for everyone? Yes.

I only read the first post.

Jivet, what is your problem? Are you trying to get more contact with your children? If so give us some facts. We might be able to help.

This can bring out the worst in people as they get so upset over it. It is one of the most difficult issues. Even in the Bible we had King Solomon having to decide to whom a baby belonged. The mother saying it was hers who agreed to have it sliced ni half could not be the real one. The one who lovecd it who said okay in that case give it to the other is the one. We cannot slice our children into two but we can find equable ways which are in their interests to divide their time. I was reading that one of the Nat West 3 who was extradited to the US and is now back over here. His ex wife took one of the two children to Tunisia and he has never seen his daugher since. His long term relationship after that broke up even though that lovely lady cared for his now 16 year old son all the time he was ni a US jail, because of his obssession over seeing and finding his daughter. he has still not found her.

I have read all the posts (at least the ones that weren't deleted). I haven't spoken to you like shit, most of the people on here haven't, yet you have been rude and aggressive from virtually the first sentence.

Many women on this forum have had abusive partners saying exactly the same things about them as you are saying about your ex. Women, in general are not in the habit of leaving happy, loving supportive relationships with 1 month old babies because quite frankly they haven't got the energy and they want the father of their child to support them. So the fact that your ex left at that point rings loud alarm bells for many people. Coupled with your reluctance to tell your side of the story coherently and politely and your decidedly aggressive posts, it is no wonder people are jumping to the conclusions they are.

xenia, you never fail to amaze with your rarified views of what should happen

mum gets a job as CEO of blue chip company

all problems solved

yeah

what reason(s) has your ex given for witholding contact?

oh, I misunderestimated you, OP

like duhh

I,m not exactly sure what you want from us JT. It doesn't feel like you actually want a discussion or help, more that you want us to just agree with your opening rant, at which point we get a thank you off you!

If you want a discussion about this topic then maybe rephrasing your initial question/argument would have been more productive.

As far as the access goes, none of us can really help you with that as you have failed to provide any facts such as:

1. where are you currently up to legally, with regards to gaining access
2. what grounds is your Ex using to try and prevent you access.
3. Is there or have you used any mediation service to even try to gain supervised access?
4. Are you taking legal advice at all.

I don't agree. I think the time has come for more jailing of mothers who do not respect the court's decisions (and fathers for that matter). At the moment you can in effect put two fingers up to a court, bide your time, never make the child available, it bonds totally with you and by the time it's 13 it will not even want to see its father.

Many many children I know divide time between both parents partiuclaryl in the kind of high earning, mothers in professional careers, class level in which Ilive and children do very well. It isn ot ap roblem at all. Obviously low earnings no earnings mother as housewife sets up which are never good for children anyway and lead to sexism at home and usualyl mean someone is leeching off hard working tax payers like I am after divorce because they stupidlfy give up a career just because it suited them or their ex who wanted her home washing his shirts, are a slightly difficult situation.

If men want better contact after divorce they should never accept a housewife, pick high earning women and never set up a status quo whic his mummny ath ome economically inactive and they big provider. The courts tend to perpetuate the status quo. If we could ensure women pursued well paid careers a lot of these contact issues would disappear and divorce would be more affordable and cost the tax payer a lot less.

JT - it would have helped when you first posted if you had decided whether a) you just wanted to let of steam and rant (it happens) or b)you wanted advice and views?

If the former, as seems likeliest from your post, what happened next was pretty inevitable.

If the latter then an explanation of your situation in the original post with your side as you saw it would have been much more effective.

There is another thread on here asking if women automatically took the side of the female. If you read it you will see that most of us look at the individual and those who confess to favouring women as the default response are aware of it and try to guard against it.

I can only echo what others have said. Get good legal advice and put your case forward in a calm, measured way. Address honestly any shortcomings you may possibly have had in the relationship (I'm not even saying have had). In short, act responsibly in the interest of your child.

What don you want people to say?

ugh xenia, most of what you wrote above involves using dc as pawns in a power game between ex-partners, which is surely what none of us want ?

"be late for a contact visit and dc automatically get sent to the other parents for 2 weeks" ? The kids would end up not knowing their arse from their elbow, what a bloody awful idea.

even this op would agree with that, I would imagine