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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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maninism/mens rights!!

310 replies

jiveturkey · 21/10/2012 00:12

why are good loving fathers not given equal rights, why are we forced to spend thousands and go through lengthy court battles for the right to be a father to our own children all because the mother is so selfish and self centered that she can decide to do this with no regard for her childs happiness and future well-being just because she can out of spite and nastiness towards her ex partner. Many thousands of men have not been allowed to see or speak to their children for weeks or years and many simply cannot afford to continue their legal pursuit and are forced to give up for this exact reason. And yet these women have the audacity to call them themselves mothers, its laughable they are barely human beings.
Fathers are EQUALY important as mothers yet the law and some women's attitudes do not seem to reflect this. I know of a man who did everything he could to be part of his childs life, paid 36,000 in csa payments and was forced to have little contact with that child,then 10 years after she was born, rumours came out that that child wasnt his, a dna test confirmed this! Her motive? GREED, it is an all to common story, so many "mums" do not even consider how keeping their childs father out of their lives affects them in the the short and long term without even mentioning its moraly wrong. Any mum who takes there children away from there dad. doesn't deserve the bloody title! OUR children is the only way you can hurt us, which is why you use them as weapons and pawns in your sick twisted games, so how about you grow up realise life is too short, and that your children's happiness is actually MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR OWN! you may have your children now when they are young but i promise you you'll lose them when they learn the truth they will NEVER forgive you for destroying their special relationship with their dad and ensuring they had a s**t childhood, and let that be on your conscience,not that you have one or a soul or a heart or brain.
So stop punishing your children let their dads have access to them as much as you do, that is called EQUALITY.
this rant is aimed at all the dead beat"mums", i realise and recognise that the majority of mums are amazing and do the right thing by their kids by letting their father play a prominent role in their lives, as it should be. And obviously not all dads are worthy of that title either but i'm not talking about them i have as much respect for them as i do for these women that my comments are directed at.
Il be here waiting for your comments i felt it necessary to voice these facts in the lion's den so to speak, we need to be heard, fathers NEED equal rights.

OP posts:
rosabud · 21/10/2012 01:47

It's very easy these days for fathers to get access and rights through the courts as they will grant access in nearly every case, even where abuse has clearly occured so those fathers who cannot get access either haven't tried terribly hard or have not complied with court directives etc etc. So for every abandoned child, for every wronged woman short-changed and left to do all the work alone, I feel, I cannot deny, a tiny spark of satisfaction every time I see a post form an enraged father who has had his comeuppance.

ConsiderCasey · 21/10/2012 01:42

OP, then you do indeed have my deepest sympathies. It sucks.

In the short term, I think the best thing for you to do is to keep paying until you go to court, as this will stand in your favour when you do. I cannot think of any reason the court will refuse you access as you have done nothing wrong in their eyes.

In the long term you might want to consider becoming a feminist and start campaigning for a structural change to gender roles in the workplace and at home. When enough husbands take on the role of caregiver the law will have to change to reflect that.

I hope that change comes before my son is grown as I know he'll make a great dad. I tell him that all the time because I don't want him to follow his father's example.

And don't be hard on Fanjo. Your own post to her did read as rather condescending, telling her to google something that she obviously knew. Your posts have been quite angry, but if you calm down you'll find a lot of sympathy for your plight.

Best of luck.

jiveturkey · 21/10/2012 01:35

thanks peanut i will never stop fighting to be a big part of my sons life, and i would never tell him what his mother put me through or slag her off that is between me and her and it would be wrong i want him to love us both and not hold any negative feelings for either of us.
men who abandon their children sicken me just as much the the women who bar them from their childrens lives i have no respect for either!
thanks again for kind post peanut

OP posts:
jiveturkey · 21/10/2012 01:28

i know i meant empathise im using predictive text for speed purposes. and yes it was she became very possesive over our son and put his health in jeopardy on a few occasions through her own selfishness.
may i suggest you stop whining about spelling and punctuation im trying to reply to as many people as i can. so how about making sensible, constructive comments like adults instead of schoolkids, and im talking about fanjo not you casey

OP posts:
peanutMD · 21/10/2012 01:19

Oh I see, that makes sense (your post not the actual process Wink).

My dad went down this route but in his case it was purely to delay the payment process and when proved evaded it anyway so I guess I may not be the best person to speak about it...

I'm really not sure what else you could do to be honest but just keep paying the CSA and support your ex if you are asked to in order to fulfil your role as a father as best you can and hopefully some point soon you will be able to be there physically for your DS :)

Good luck!

jiveturkey · 21/10/2012 01:19

@considercasey i do not know she hasnt contacted me since the day she left, she changed her number made her facebook top secret its a mystery, she did attack my mum during her pregnancy and ripped a chunk of her hair out which she kept to show police when they arrived, i know they didnt get on, that could be part of it. but iv always been there for her went to every scan was there at the birth and every day after.

OP posts:
ConsiderCasey · 21/10/2012 01:17

I think you mean "empathise". I think the poster was aware of what autism is, but unsure as to its relevance. Was your ex's autism a factor in the relationship breakdown?

DuelingFanjo · 21/10/2012 01:15

may I sggest you check the definition of 'emphasis'?

DuelingFanjo · 21/10/2012 01:14

I KNOW what autism is, I wondered what it had to do with anything you were posting about?

jiveturkey · 21/10/2012 01:13

autism means you struggle to emphasis with people and you find it hard to make and maintain relationships. she has always found it hard to make and keep friends due to her behaviour and attitude towards people. may i suggest a quick google search if you are unsure on part of the definition of something

OP posts:
ConsiderCasey · 21/10/2012 01:13

What reason will your ex give for not wishing to allow contact?

jiveturkey · 21/10/2012 01:09

thankyou peanut for your constructive post, the trouble is with getting a dna test is it looks very bad in court if you are trying to establish contact with said child so your shooting yourself in the foot if it turns out to be your child, the csa do not ask you, either the mother or father must request a dna test if they have doubts

OP posts:
Wetthemogwai · 21/10/2012 01:08

Call Jezza, he'll sort it

DuelingFanjo · 21/10/2012 01:07

what does her autism have to do with anything?

ConsiderCasey · 21/10/2012 01:07

Instead of ranting at us and calling us immature (which is a more accurate description of your original post) why don't you tell us more about your individual case. We might be able to help you.

I will start by asking on what grounds your ex is refusing you access?

jiveturkey · 21/10/2012 01:04

i pay csa every week as i always have done and we continue to do so but it doesnt mean i agree with it whilst iam not part of his life. and i completely agree with you being there flesh and blood for a child is more important so why are we denied this right, iam still waiting for my court date to get pr and contact order its taken 7 months so far i have tried everything in my power and will continue to do so until iam reunited with my beautiful baby boy. my ex is autistic i stood by her for ten years iam 25 now but she has fallen out with every member of her family my family and myself cutting all contact due to her condition.

OP posts:
peanutMD · 21/10/2012 01:04

There is no clear answer to your OP, each individual has their own motives be they right or wrong and unless we know the full facts we cannot judge.

I assume by your post that you are currently in this situation?

Have you spoke to citizens advice regarding the CSA?

I only ask as based on my experience (well more my mothers) men are entitled to a DNA test before any payments can commence, perhaps you should pressure this route and freeze payments if that us what you want.

As fat as I am concerned, through personal knowledge there are estranged parents of both genders who face issues with child contact because of an ex so its not just 'dead beat mums'who are capable of causing problems.

HanSolo · 21/10/2012 01:01

Why do you assume all MNers are women?

Did you love, respect, and support the mother of your child? She obviously didn't think so...

Aspiemum2 · 21/10/2012 01:00

I'm having a tough time trying to decipher your posts Confused

You are clearly very angry at your ex, you may or may not have reason to be. It's sort of hard to tell.

It is really irrelevant though as when it comes to contact it's the child's right rather than the man or woman's so your title is misleading

Confused think I'll leave this to experienced MNers, I prefer light and fluffy anyway

ConsiderCasey · 21/10/2012 01:00

Jiveturkey, I think you are being hypocritical in accusing others of generalising when you are calling upon feminists to take responsibility for the actions of other women we don't even know.

Your tone is very accusatory. I'm sure that is because you are hurt but it really doesn't do to push people on the defensive, especially people who are very supportive of men who want to be good fathers, as evidenced by the support on this forum for fathers to have more family friendly workplace policies.

Why don't you have a look at that first?

DuelingFanjo · 21/10/2012 00:58

" and its a lion's den because its me up against all of you" wouldn't it be more constructive for you to spend your time and energy trying to see your son, through the courts? If your ex is asing the CSA to get money off you then surely she is claiming you are the father and so you will have rights to see your son?

What advice are you seeking? The best thing you can do is work towards seeing your son and being in his life, by working with his mother and the courts. Paying towards his upkeep would give you more chance of this happening.

jiveturkey · 21/10/2012 00:55

mumsnet not femininsm iam not sexist this post is about rights! and its a lion's den because its me up against all of you.

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DuelingFanjo · 21/10/2012 00:54

" i would spend most of my wages every week on my son if i was allowed to be his dad but i haven't seen or heard if he's well or sick for 8 months not even a pic"

surely the mot important thing is that you provide for your flesh and blood? you can't have a go at women and tell them their kids are going to hate them for messing up their lives but then say you refuse to contribute financially to your child's keep. Man up and do the right thing, are you putting any money away in an account for him at least?

jiveturkey · 21/10/2012 00:53

iam not really seeing any constructive comments here ladies just immature defensive remarks that are avoiding the issue i have raised, or are you simply proving my point. this IS NOT about men vs women THIS IS ABOUT WHAT IS RIGHT FOR OUR CHILDREN

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DuelingFanjo · 21/10/2012 00:52

wy do you call mmsnet 'the lion's den'? or do you mean the feminism part of mumsnet?

Do you think this is a feminist issue in particular?